Bleak House

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But when we got into a warm room in an excellent hotel and sat
down, comfortably washed and dressed, to an early breakfast (for it
was too late to think of going to bed), Deal began to look more
cheerful. Our little room was like a ship's cabin, and that
delighted Charley very much. Then the fog began to rise like a
curtain, and numbers of ships that we had had no idea were near
appeared. I don't know how many sail the waiter told us were then
lying in the downs. Some of these vessels were of grand size--one
was a large Indiaman just come home; and when the sun shone through
the clouds, maktng silvery pools in the dark sea, the way in which
these ships brightened, and shadowed, and changed, amid a bustle of
boats pulling off from the shore to them and from them to the
shore, and a general life and motion in themselves and everything
around them, was most beautiful.

The large Indiaman was our great attraction because she had come
into the downs in the night. She was surrounded by boats, and we
said how glad the people on board of her must be to come ashore.
Charley was curious, too, about the voyage, and about the heat in
India, and the serpents and the tigers; and as she picked up such
information much faster than grammar, I told her what I knew on
those points. I told her, too, how people in such voyages were
sometimes wrecked and cast on rocks, where they were saved by the
intrepidity and humanity of one man. And Charley asking how that
could be, I told her how we knew at home of such a case.

I had thought of sending Richard a note saying I was there, but it
seemed so much better to go to him without preparation. As he
lived in barracks I was a little doubtful whether this was
feasible, but we went out to reconnoitre. Peeping in at the gate
of the barrack-yard, we found everything very quiet at that time in
the morning, and I asked a sergeant standing on the guardhouse-
steps where he lived. He sent a man before to show me, who went up
some bare stairs, and knocked with his knuckles at a door, and left
us.

"Now then!" cried Richard from within. So I left Charley in the
little passage, and going on to the half-open door, said, "Can I
come in, Richard? It's only Dame Durden."

He was writing at a table, with a great confusion of clothes, tin
cases, books, boots, brushes, and portmanteaus strewn all about the
floor. He was only half dressed--in plain clothes, I observed, not
in uniform--and his hair was unbrushed, and he looked as wild as
his room. All this I saw after he had heartily welcomed me and I
was seated near him, for he started upon hearing my voice and
caught me in his arms in a moment. Dear Richard! He was ever the
same to me. Down to--ah, poor poor fellow!--to the end, he never
received me but with something of his old merry boyish manner.

"Good heaven, my dear little woman," said he, "how do you come
here? Who could have thought of seeing you! Nothing the matter?
Ada is well?"

"Quite well. Lovelier than ever, Richard!"

"Ah!" he said, lenning back in his chair. "My poor cousin! I was
writing to you, Esther."

So worn and haggard as he looked, even in the fullness of his
handsome youth, leaning back in his chair and crushing the closely
written sheet of paper in his hand!

"Have you been at the trouble of writing all that, and am I not to
read it after all?" I asked.

"Oh, my dear," he returned with a hopeless gesture. "You may read
it in the whole room. It is all over here."

I mildly entreated him not to be despondent. I told him that I had
heard by chance of his being in difficulty and had come to consult
with him what could best be done.

"Like you, Esther, but useless, and so NOT like you!" said he with
a melancholy smile. "I am away on leave this day--should have been
gone in another hour--and that is to smooth it over, for my selling
out. Well! Let bygones be bygones. So this calling follows the
rest. I only want to have been in the church to have made the
round of all the professions."

"Richard," I urged, "it is not so hopeless as that?"

"Esther," he returned, "it is indeed. I am just so near disgrace
as that those who are put in authority over me (as the catechism
goes) would far rather be without me than with me. And they are
right. Apart from debts and duns and all such drawbacks, I am not
fit even for this employment. I have no care, no mind, no heart,
no soul, but for one thing. Why, if this bubble hadn't broken
now," he said, tearing the letter he had written into fragments and
moodily casting them away, by driblets, "how could I have gone
abroad? I must have been ordered abroad, but how could I have
gone? How could I, with my experience of that thing, trust even
Vholes unless I was at his back!"

I suppose he knew by my face what I was about to say, but he caught
the hand I had laid upon his arm and touched my own lips with it to
prevent me from going on.

"No, Dame Durden! Two subjects I forbid--must forbid. The first
is John Jarndyce. The second, you know what. Call it madness, and
I tell you I can't help it now, and can't be sane. But it is no
such thing; it is the one object I have to pursue. It is a pity I
ever was prevailed upon to turn out of my road for any other. It
would be wisdom to abandon it now, after all the time, anxiety, and
pains I have bestowed upon it! Oh, yes, true wisdom. It would be
very agreeable, too, to some people; but I never will."

He was in that mood in which I thought it best not to increase his
determination (if anything could increase it) by opposing him. I
took out Ada's letter and put it in his hand.

"Am I to read it now?" he asked.

As I told him yes, he laid it on the table, and resting his head
upon his hand, began. He had not read far when he rested his head
upon his two hands--to hide his face from me. In a little while he
rose as if the light were bad and went to the window. He finished
reading it there, with his back towards me, and after he had
finished and had folded it up, stood there for some minutes with
the letter in his hand. When he came back to his chair, I saw
tears in his eyes.

"Of course, Esther, you know what she says here?" He spoke in a
softened voice and kissed the letter as he asked me.

"Yes, Richard."

"Offers me," he went on, tapping his foot upon the floor, "the
little inheritance she is certain of so soon--just as little and as
much as I have wasted--and begs and prays me to take it, set myself
right with it, and remain in the service."

"I know your welfare to be the dearest wish of her heart," said I.
"And, oh, my dear Richard, Ada's is a noble heart."

"I am sure it is. I--I wish I was dead!"

He went back to the window, and laying his arm across it, leaned
his head down on his arm. It greatly affected me to see him so,
but I hoped he might become more yielding, and I remained silent.
My experience was very limited; I was not at all prepared for his
rousing himself out of this emotion to a new sense of injury.

"And this is the heart that the same John Jarndyce, who is not
otherwise to be mentioned between us, stepped in to estrange from
me," said he indignantly. "And the dear girl makes me this
generous offer from under the same John Jarndyce's roof, and with
the same John Jarndyce's gracious consent and connivance, I dare
say, as a new means of buying me off."

"Richard!" I cried out, rising hastily. "I will not hear you say
such shameful words!" I was very angry with him indeed, for the
first time in my life, but it only lasted a moment. When I saw his
worn young face looking at me as if he were sorry, I put my hand on
his shoulder and said, "If you please, my dear Richard, do not
speak in such a tone to me. Consider!"

He blamed himself exceedingly and told me in the most generous
manner that he had been very wrong and that he begged my pardon a
thousand times. At that I laughed, but trembled a little too, for
I was rather fluttered after being so fiery.

"To accept this offer, my dear Esther," said he, sitting down
beside me and resuming our conversation, "--once more, pray, pray
forgive me; I am deeply grieved--to accept my dearest cousin's
offer is, I need not say, impossible. Besides, I have letters and
papers that I could show you which would convince you it is all
over here. I have done with the red coat, believe me. But it is
some satisfaction, in the midst of my troubles and perplexities, to
know that I am pressing Ada's interests in pressing my own. Vholes
has his shoulder to the wheel, and he cannot help urging it on as
much for her as for me, thank God!"

His sanguine hopes were rising within him and lighting up his
features, but they made his face more sad to me than it had been
before.

"No, no!" cried Richard exultingly. "If every farthing of Ada's
little fortune were mine, no part of it should be spent in
retaining me in what I am not fit for, can take no interest in, and
am weary of. It should be devoted to what promises a better
return, and should be used where she has a larger stake. Don't be
uneasy for me! I shall now have only one thing on my mind, and
Vholes and I will work it. I shall not be without means. Free of
my commission, I shall be able to compound with some small usurers
who will hear of nothing but their bond now--Vholes says so. I
should have a balance in my favour anyway, but that would swell it.
Come, come! You shall carry a letter to Ada from me, Esther, and
you must both of you be more hopeful of me and not believe that I
am quite cast away just yet, my dear."

I will not repeat what I said to Richard. I know it was tiresome,
and nobody is to suppose for a moment that it was at all wise. It
only came from my heart. He heard it patiently and feelingly, but
I saw that on the two subjects he had reserved it was at present
hopeless to make any representation to him. I saw too, and had
experienced in this very interview, the sense of my guardian's
remark that it was even more mischievous to use persuasion with him
than to leave him as he was.

Therefore I was driven at last to asking Richard if he would mind
convincing me that it really was all over there, as he had said,
and that it was not his mere impression. He showed me without
hesitation a correspondence making it quite plain that his
retirement was arranged. I found, from what he told me, that Mr.
Vholes had copies of these papers and had been in consultation with
him throughout. Beyond ascertaining this, and having been the
bearer of Ada's letter, and being (as I was going to be) Richard's
companion back to London, I had done no good by coming down.
Admitting this to myself with a reluctant heart, I said I would
return to the hotel and wait until he joined me there, so he threw
a cloak over his shoulders and saw me to the gate, and Charley and
I went back along the beach.

There was a concourse of people in one spot, surrounding some naval
officers who were landing from a boat, and pressing about them with
unusual interest. I said to Charley this would be one of the great
Indiaman's boats now, and we stopped to look.

The gentlemen came slowly up from the waterside, speaking good-
humouredly to each other and to the people around and glancing
about them as if they were glad to be in England again. "Charley,
Charley," said I, "come away!" And I hurried on so swiftly that my
little maid was surprised.

It was not until we were shut up in our cabin-room and I had had
time to take breath that I began to think why I had made such
haste. In one of the sunburnt faces I had recognized Mr. Allan
Woodcourt, and I had been afraid of his recognizing me. I had been
unwilling that he should see my altered looks. I had been taken by
surprise, and my courage had quite failed me.

But I knew this would not do, and I now said to myself, "My dear,
there is no reason--there is and there can be no reason at all--why
it should be worse for you now than it ever has been. What you
were last month, you are to-day; you are no worse, you are no
better. This is not your resolution; call it up, Esther, call it
up!" I was in a great tremble--with running--and at first was
quite unable to calm myself; but I got better, and I was very glad
to know it.

The party came to the hotel. I heard them speaking on the
staircase. I was sure it was the same gentlemen because I knew
their voices again--I mean I knew Mr. Woodcourt's. It would still
have been a great relief to me to have gone away without making
myself known, but I was determined not to do so. "No, my dear, no.
No, no, no!"

I untied my bonnet and put my veil half up--I think I mean half
down, but it matters very little--and wrote on one of my cards that
I happened to be there with Mr. Richard Carstone, and I sent it in
to Mr. Woodcourt. He came immediately. I told him I was rejoiced
to be by chance among the first to welcome him home to England.
And I saw that he was very sorry for me.

"You have been in shipwreck and peril since you left us, Mr.
Woodcourt," said I, "but we can hardly call that a misfortune which
enabled you to be so useful and so brave. We read of it with the
truest interest. It first came to my knowledge through your old
patient, poor Miss Flite, when I was recovering from my severe
illness."

"Ah! Little Miss Flite!" he said. "She lives the same life yet?"

"Just the same."

I was so comfortable with myself now as not to mind the veil and to
be able to put it aside.

"Her gratitude to you, Mr. Woodcourt, is delightful. She is a most
affectionate creature, as I have reason to say."

"You--you have found her so?" he returned. "I--I am glad of that."
He was so very sorry for me that he could scarcely speak.

"I assure you," said I, "that I was deeply touched by her sympathy
and pleasure at the time I have referred to."

"I was grieved to hear that you had been very ill."

"I was very ill."

"But you have quite recovered?"

"I have quite recovered my health and my cheerfulness," said I.
"You know how good my guardian is and what a happy life we lead,
and I have everything to be thankful for and nothing in the world
to desire."

I felt as if he had greater commiseration for me than I had ever
had for myself. It inspired me with new fortitude and new calmness
to find that it was I who was under the necessity of reassuring
him. I spoke to him of his voyage out and home, and of his future
plans, and of his probable return to India. He said that was very
doubtful. He had not found himself more favoured by fortune there
than here. He had gone out a poor ship's surgeon and had come home
nothing better. While we were talking, and when I was glad to
believe that I had alleviated (if I may use such a term) the shock
he had had in seeing me, Richard came in. He had heard downstairs
who was with me, and they met with cordial pleasure.

I saw that after their first greetings were over, and when they
spoke of Richard's career, Mr. Woodcourt had a perception that all
was not going well with him. He frequently glanced at his face as
if there were something in it that gave him pain, and more than
once he looked towards me as though he sought to ascertain whether
I knew what the truth was. Yet Richard was in one of his sanguine
states and in good spirits and was thoroughly pleased to see Mr.
Woodcourt again, whom he had always liked.

Richard proposed that we all should go to London together; but Mr.
Woodcourt, having to remain by his ship a little longer, could not
join us. He dined with us, however, at an early hour, and became
so much more like what he used to be that I was still more at peace
to think I had been able to soften his regrets. Yet his mind was
not relieved of Richard. When the coach was almost ready and
Richard ran down to look after his luggage, he spoke to me about
him.

I was not sure that I had a right to lay his whole story open, but
I referred in a few words to his estrangement from Mr Jarndyce and
to his being entangled in the ill-fated Chancery suit. Mr.
Woodcourt listened with interest and expressed his regret.

"I saw you observe him rather closely," said I, "Do you think him
so changed?"

"He is changed," he returned, shaking his head.

I felt the blood rush into my face for the first time, but it was
only an instantaneous emotion. I turned my head aside, and it was
gone.

"It is not," said Mr. Woodcourt, "his being so much younger or
older, or thinner or fatter, or paler or ruddier, as there being
upon his face such a singular expression. I never saw so
remarkable a look in a young person. One cannot say that it is all
anxiety or all weariness; yet it is both, and like ungrown
despair."

"You do not think he is ill?" said I.

No. He looked robust in body.

"That he cannot be at peace in mind, we have too much reason to
know," I proceeded. "Mr. Woodcourt, you are going to London?"

"To-morrow or the next day."

"There is nothing Richard wants so much as a friend. He always
liked you. Pray see him when you get there. Pray help him
sometimes with your companionship if you can. You do not know of
what service it might be. You cannot think how Ada, and Mr.
Jarndyce, and even I--how we should all thank you, Mr. Woodcourt!"

"Miss Summerson," he said, more moved than he had been from the
first, "before heaven, I will be a true friend to him! I will
accept him as a trust, and it shall be a sacred one!"

"God bless you!" said I, with my eyes filling fast; but I thought
they might, when it was not for myself. "Ada loves him--we all
love him, but Ada loves him as we cannot. I will tell her what you
say. Thank you, and God bless you, in her name!"

Richard came back as we finished exchanging these hurried words and
gave me his arm to take me to the coach.

"Woodcourt," he said, unconscious with what application, "pray let
us meet in London!"

"Meet?" returned the other. "I have scarcely a friend there now
but you. Where shall I find you?"

"Why, I must get a lodging of some sort," said Richard, pondering.
"Say at Vholes's, Symond's Inn."

"Good! Without loss of time."

They shook hands heartily. When I was seated in the coach and
Richard was yet standing in the street, Mr. Woodcourt laid his
friendly hand on Richard's shoulder and looked at me. I understood
him and waved mine in thanks.

And in his last look as we drove away, I saw that he was very sorry
for me. I was glad to see it. I felt for my old self as the dead
may feel if they ever revisit these scenes. I was glad to be
tenderly remembered, to be gently pitied, not to be quite
forgotten.

CHAPTER XLVI

Stop Him!

Darkness rests upon Tom-All-Alone's. Dilating and dilating since
the sun went down last night, it has gradually swelled until it
fills every void in the place. For a time there were some dungeon
lights burning, as the lamp of life hums in Tom-all-Alone's,
heavily, heavily, in the nauseous air, and winking--as that lamp,
too, winks in Tom-all-Alone's--at many horrible things. But they
are blotted out. The moon has eyed Tom with a dull cold stare, as
admitting some puny emulation of herself in his desert region unfit
for life and blasted by volcanic fires; but she has passed on and
is gone. The blackest nightmare in the infernal stables grazes on
Tom-all-Alone's, and Tom is fast asleep.

Much mighty speech-making there has been, both in and out of
Parliament, concerning Tom, and much wrathful disputation how Tom
shall be got right. Whether he shall be put into the main road by
constables, or by beadles, or by bell-ringing, or by force of
figures, or by correct principles of taste, or by high church, or
by low church, or by no church; whether he shall be set to
splitting trusses of polemical straws with the crooked knife of his
mind or whether he shall be put to stone-breaking instead. In the
midst of which dust and noise there is but one thing perfectly
clear, to wit, that Tom only may and can, or shall and will, be
reclaimed according to somebody's theory but nobody's practice.
And in the hopeful meantime, Tom goes to perdition head foremost in
his old determined spirit.

But he has his revenge. Even the winds are his messengers, and
they serve him in these hours of darkness. There is not a drop of
Tom's corrupted blood but propagates infection and contagion
somewhere. It shall pollute, this very night, the choice stream
(in which chemists on analysis would find the genuine nobility) of
a Norman house, and his Grace shall not be able to say nay to the
infamous alliance. There is not an atom of Tom's slime, not a
cubic inch of any pestilential gas in which he lives, not one
obscenity or degradation about him, not an ignorance, not a
wickedness, not a brutality of his committing, but shall work its
retribution through every order of society up to the proudest of
the proud and to the highest of the high. Verily, what with
tainting, plundering, and spoiling, Tom has his revenge.

It is a moot point whether Tom-all-Alone's be uglier by day or by
night, but on the argument that the more that is seen of it the
more shocking it must be, and that no part of it left to the
imagination is at all likely to be made so bad as the reality, day
carries it. The day begins to break now; and in truth it might be
better for the national glory even that the sun should sometimes
set upon the British dominions than that it should ever rise upon
so vile a wonder as Tom.

A brown sunburnt gentleman, who appears in some inaptitude for
sleep to be wandering abroad rather than counting the hours on a
restless pillow, strolls hitherward at this quiet time. Attracted
by curiosity, he often pauses and looks about him, up and down the
miserable by-ways. Nor is he merely curious, for in his bright
dark eye there is compassionate interest; and as he looks here and
there, he seems to understand such wretchedness and to have studied
it before.

On the banks of the stagnant channel of mud which is the main
street of Tom-all-Alone's, nothing is to be seen but the crazy
houses, shut up and silent. No waking creature save himself
appears except in one direction, where he sees the solitary figure
of a woman sitting on a door-step. He walks that way.
Approaching, he observes that she has journeyed a long distance and
is footsore and travel-stained. She sits on the door-step in the
manner of one who is waiting, with her elbow on her knee and her
head upon her hand. Beside her is a canvas bag, or bundle, she has
carried. She is dozing probably, for she gives no heed to his
steps as he comes toward her.

The broken footway is so narrow that when Allan Woodcourt comes to
where the woman sits, he has to turn into the road to pass her.
Looking down at her face, his eye meets hers, and he stops.

"What is the matter?"

"Nothing, sir."

"Can't you make them hear? Do you want to be let in?"

"I'm walting till they get up at another house--a lodging-house--
not here," the woman patiently returns. "I'm waiting here because
there will be sun here presently to warm me."

"I am afraid you are tired. I am sorry to see you sitting in the
street."

"Thank you, sir. It don't matter."

A habit in him of speaking to the poor and of avoiding patronage or
condescension or childishness (which is the favourite device, many
people deeming it quite a subtlety to talk to them like little
spelling books) has put him on good terms with the woman easily.

"Let me look at your forehead," he says, bending down. "I am a
doctor. Don't be afraid. I wouldn't hurt you for the world."

He knows that by touching her with his skilful and accustomed hand
he can soothe her yet more readily. She makes a slight objection,
saying, "It's nothing"; but he has scarcely laid his fingers on the
wounded place when she lifts it up to the light.

"Aye! A bad bruise, and the skin sadly broken. This must be very
sore."

"It do ache a little, sir," returns the woman with a started tear
upon her cheek.

"Let me try to make it more comfortable. My handkerchief won't
hurt you."

"Oh, dear no, sir, I'm sure of that!"

He cleanses the injured place and dries it, and having carefully
examined it and gently pressed it with the palm of his hand, takes
a small case from his pocket, dresses it, and binds it up. While
he is thus employed, he says, after laughing at his establishing a
surgery in the street, "And so your husband is a brickmaker?"

"How do you know that, sir?" asks the woman, astonished.

"Why, I suppose so from the colour of the clay upon your bag and on
your dress. And I know brickmakers go about working at piecework
in different places. And I am sorry to say I have known them cruel
to their wives too."

The woman hastily lifts up her eyes as if she would deny that her
injury is referable to such a cause. But feeling the hand upon her
forehead, and seeing his busy and composed face, she quietly drops
them again.