Holiday Romance
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Charles Dickens >> Holiday Romance
Then the Princess Alicia hurried down-stairs again, to keep watch
in the queen's room. She often kept watch by herself in the
queen's room; but every evening, while the illness lasted, she sat
there watching with the king. And every evening the king sat
looking at her with a cross look, wondering why she never brought
out the magic fish-bone. As often as she noticed this, she ran up-
stairs, whispered the secret to the duchess over again, and said to
the duchess besides, 'They think we children never have a reason or
a meaning!' And the duchess, though the most fashionable duchess
that ever was heard of, winked her eye.
'Alicia,' said the king, one evening, when she wished him good-
night.
'Yes, papa.'
'What is become of the magic fish-bone?'
'In my pocket, papa!'
'I thought you had lost it?'
'O, no, papa!'
'Or forgotten it?'
'No, indeed, papa.'
And so another time the dreadful little snapping pug-dog, next
door, made a rush at one of the young princes as he stood on the
steps coming home from school, and terrified him out of his wits;
and he put his hand through a pane of glass, and bled, bled, bled.
When the seventeen other young princes and princesses saw him
bleed, bleed, bleed, they were terrified out of their wits too, and
screamed themselves black in their seventeen faces all at once.
But the Princess Alicia put her hands over all their seventeen
mouths, one after another, and persuaded them to be quiet because
of the sick queen. And then she put the wounded prince's hand in a
basin of fresh cold water, while they stared with their twice
seventeen are thirty-four, put down four and carry three, eyes, and
then she looked in the hand for bits of glass, and there were
fortunately no bits of glass there. And then she said to two
chubby-legged princes, who were sturdy though small, 'Bring me in
the royal rag-bag: I must snip and stitch and cut and contrive.'
So these two young princes tugged at the royal rag-bag, and lugged
it in; and the Princess Alicia sat down on the floor, with a large
pair of scissors and a needle and thread, and snipped and stitched
and cut and contrived, and made a bandage, and put it on, and it
fitted beautifully; and so when it was all done, she saw the king
her papa looking on by the door.
'Alicia.'
'Yes, papa.'
'What have you been doing?'
'Snipping, stitching, cutting, and contriving, papa.'
'Where is the magic fish-bone?'
'In my pocket, papa.'
'I thought you had lost it?'
'O, no, papa.'
'Or forgotten it?'
'No, indeed, papa.'
After that, she ran up-stairs to the duchess, and told her what had
passed, and told her the secret over again; and the duchess shook
her flaxen curls, and laughed with her rosy lips.
Well! and so another time the baby fell under the grate. The
seventeen young princes and princesses were used to it; for they
were almost always falling under the grate or down the stairs; but
the baby was not used to it yet, and it gave him a swelled face and
a black eye. The way the poor little darling came to tumble was,
that he was out of the Princess Alicia's lap just as she was
sitting, in a great coarse apron that quite smothered her, in front
of the kitchen-fire, beginning to peel the turnips for the broth
for dinner; and the way she came to be doing that was, that the
king's cook had run away that morning with her own true love, who
was a very tall but very tipsy soldier. Then the seventeen young
princes and princesses, who cried at everything that happened,
cried and roared. But the Princess Alicia (who couldn't help
crying a little herself) quietly called to them to be still, on
account of not throwing back the queen up-stairs, who was fast
getting well, and said, 'Hold your tongues, you wicked little
monkeys, every one of you, while I examine baby!' Then she
examined baby, and found that he hadn't broken anything; and she
held cold iron to his poor dear eye, and smoothed his poor dear
face, and he presently fell asleep in her arms. Then she said to
the seventeen princes and princesses, 'I am afraid to let him down
yet, lest he should wake and feel pain; be good, and you shall all
be cooks.' They jumped for joy when they heard that, and began
making themselves cooks' caps out of old newspapers. So to one she
gave the salt-box, and to one she gave the barley, and to one she
gave the herbs, and to one she gave the turnips, and to one she
gave the carrots, and to one she gave the onions, and to one she
gave the spice-box, till they were all cooks, and all running about
at work, she sitting in the middle, smothered in the great coarse
apron, nursing baby. By and by the broth was done; and the baby
woke up, smiling, like an angel, and was trusted to the sedatest
princess to hold, while the other princes and princesses were
squeezed into a far-off corner to look at the Princess Alicia
turning out the saucepanful of broth, for fear (as they were always
getting into trouble) they should get splashed and scalded. When
the broth came tumbling out, steaming beautifully, and smelling
like a nosegay good to eat, they clapped their hands. That made
the baby clap his hands; and that, and his looking as if he had a
comic toothache, made all the princes and princesses laugh. So the
Princess Alicia said, 'Laugh and be good; and after dinner we will
make him a nest on the floor in a corner, and he shall sit in his
nest and see a dance of eighteen cooks.' That delighted the young
princes and princesses, and they ate up all the broth, and washed
up all the plates and dishes, and cleared away, and pushed the
table into a corner; and then they in their cooks' caps, and the
Princess Alicia in the smothering coarse apron that belonged to the
cook that had run away with her own true love that was the very
tall but very tipsy soldier, danced a dance of eighteen cooks
before the angelic baby, who forgot his swelled face and his black
eye, and crowed with joy.
And so then, once more the Princess Alicia saw King Watkins the
First, her father, standing in the doorway looking on, and he said,
'What have you been doing, Alicia?'
'Cooking and contriving, papa.'
'What else have you been doing, Alicia?'
'Keeping the children light-hearted, papa.'
'Where is the magic fish-bone, Alicia?
'In my pocket, papa.'
'I thought you had lost it?'
'O, no, papa!'
'Or forgotten it?'
'No, indeed, papa.'
The king then sighed so heavily, and seemed so low-spirited, and
sat down so miserably, leaning his head upon his hand, and his
elbow upon the kitchen-table pushed away in the corner, that the
seventeen princes and princesses crept softly out of the kitchen,
and left him alone with the Princess Alicia and the angelic baby.
'What is the matter, papa?'
'I am dreadfully poor, my child.'
'Have you no money at all, papa?'
'None, my child.'
'Is there no way of getting any, papa?'
'No way,' said the king. 'I have tried very hard, and I have tried
all ways.'
When she heard those last words, the Princess Alicia began to put
her hand into the pocket where she kept the magic fish-bone.
'Papa,' said she, 'when we have tried very hard, and tried all
ways, we must have done our very, very best?'
'No doubt, Alicia.'
'When we have done our very, very best, papa, and that is not
enough, then I think the right time must have come for asking help
of others.' This was the very secret connected with the magic
fish-bone, which she had found out for herself from the good Fairy
Grandmarina's words, and which she had so often whispered to her
beautiful and fashionable friend, the duchess.
So she took out of her pocket the magic fish-bone, that had been
dried and rubbed and polished till it shone like mother-of-pearl;
and she gave it one little kiss, and wished it was quarter-day.
And immediately it WAS quarter-day; and the king's quarter's salary
came rattling down the chimney, and bounced into the middle of the
floor.
But this was not half of what happened, - no, not a quarter; for
immediately afterwards the good Fairy Grandmarina came riding in,
in a carriage and four (peacocks), with Mr. Pickles's boy up
behind, dressed in silver and gold, with a cocked-hat, powdered-
hair, pink silk stockings, a jewelled cane, and a nosegay. Down
jumped Mr. Pickles's boy, with his cocked-hat in his hand, and
wonderfully polite (being entirely changed by enchantment), and
handed Grandmarina out; and there she stood, in her rich shot-silk
smelling of dried lavender, fanning herself with a sparkling fan.
'Alicia, my dear,' said this charming old fairy, 'how do you do? I
hope I see you pretty well? Give me a kiss.'
The Princess Alicia embraced her; and then Grandmarina turned to
the king, and said rather sharply, 'Are you good?' The king said
he hoped so.
'I suppose you know the reason NOW, why my god-daughter here,'
kissing the princess again, 'did not apply to the fish-bone
sooner?' said the fairy.
The king made a shy bow.
'Ah! but you didn't THEN?' said the fairy.
The king made a shyer bow.
'Any more reasons to ask for?' said the fairy.
The king said, No, and he was very sorry.
'Be good, then,' said the fairy, 'and live happy ever afterwards.'
Then Grandmarina waved her fan, and the queen came in most
splendidly dressed; and the seventeen young princes and princesses,
no longer grown out of their clothes, came in, newly fitted out
from top to toe, with tucks in everything to admit of its being let
out. After that, the fairy tapped the Princess Alicia with her
fan; and the smothering coarse apron flew away, and she appeared
exquisitely dressed, like a little bride, with a wreath of orange-
flowers and a silver veil. After that, the kitchen dresser changed
of itself into a wardrobe, made of beautiful woods and gold and
looking glass, which was full of dresses of all sorts, all for her
and all exactly fitting her. After that, the angelic baby came in,
running alone, with his face and eye not a bit the worse, but much
the better. Then Grandmarina begged to be introduced to the
duchess; and, when the duchess was brought down, many compliments
passed between them.
A little whispering took place between the fairy and the duchess;
and then the fairy said out loud, 'Yes, I thought she would have
told you.' Grandmarina then turned to the king and queen, and
said, 'We are going in search of Prince Certainpersonio. The
pleasure of your company is requested at church in half an hour
precisely.' So she and the Princess Alicia got into the carriage;
and Mr. Pickles's boy handed in the duchess, who sat by herself on
the opposite seat; and then Mr. Pickles's boy put up the steps and
got up behind, and the peacocks flew away with their tails behind.
Prince Certainpersonio was sitting by himself, eating barley-sugar,
and waiting to be ninety. When he saw the peacocks, followed by
the carriage, coming in at the window it immediately occurred to
him that something uncommon was going to happen.
'Prince,' said Grandmarina, 'I bring you your bride.' The moment
the fairy said those words, Prince Certainpersonio's face left off
being sticky, and his jacket and corduroys changed to peach-bloom
velvet, and his hair curled, and a cap and feather flew in like a
bird and settled on his head. He got into the carriage by the
fairy's invitation; and there he renewed his acquaintance with the
duchess, whom he had seen before.
In the church were the prince's relations and friends, and the
Princess Alicia's relations and friends, and the seventeen princes
and princesses, and the baby, and a crowd of the neighbours. The
marriage was beautiful beyond expression. The duchess was
bridesmaid, and beheld the ceremony from the pulpit, where she was
supported by the cushion of the desk.
Grandmarina gave a magnificent wedding-feast afterwards, in which
there was everything and more to eat, and everything and more to
drink. The wedding-cake was delicately ornamented with white satin
ribbons, frosted silver, and white lilies, and was forty-two yards
round.
When Grandmarina had drunk her love to the young couple, and Prince
Certainpersonio had made a speech, and everybody had cried, Hip,
hip, hip, hurrah! Grandmarina announced to the king and queen that
in future there would be eight quarter-days in every year, except
in leap-year, when there would be ten. She then turned to
Certainpersonio and Alicia, and said, 'My dears, you will have
thirty-five children, and they will all be good and beautiful.
Seventeen of your children will be boys, and eighteen will be
girls. The hair of the whole of your children will curl naturally.
They will never have the measles, and will have recovered from the
whooping-cough before being born.'
On hearing such good news, everybody cried out 'Hip, hip, hip,
hurrah!' again.
'It only remains,' said Grandmarina in conclusion, 'to make an end
of the fish-bone.'
So she took it from the hand of the Princess Alicia, and it
instantly flew down the throat of the dreadful little snapping pug-
dog, next door, and choked him, and he expired in convulsions.
PART III. - ROMANCE. FROM THE PEN OF LIEUT.-COL. ROBIN REDFORTH
(Aged nine.)
THE subject of our present narrative would appear to have devoted
himself to the pirate profession at a comparatively early age. We
find him in command of a splendid schooner of one hundred guns
loaded to the muzzle, ere yet he had had a party in honour of his
tenth birthday.
It seems that our hero, considering himself spited by a Latin-
grammar master, demanded the satisfaction due from one man of
honour to another. - Not getting it, he privately withdrew his
haughty spirit from such low company, bought a second-hand pocket-
pistol, folded up some sandwiches in a paper bag, made a bottle of
Spanish liquorice-water, and entered on a career of valour.
It were tedious to follow Boldheart (for such was his name) through
the commencing stages of his story. Suffice it, that we find him
bearing the rank of Capt. Boldheart, reclining in full uniform on a
crimson hearth-rug spread out upon the quarter-deck of his schooner
'The Beauty,' in the China seas. It was a lovely evening; and, as
his crew lay grouped about him, he favoured them with the following
melody:
O landsmen are folly!
O pirates are jolly!
O diddleum Dolly,
Di!
CHORUS. - Heave yo.
The soothing effect of these animated sounds floating over the
waters, as the common sailors united their rough voices to take up
the rich tones of Boldheart, may be more easily conceived than
described.
It was under these circumstances that the look-out at the masthead
gave the word, 'Whales!'
All was now activity.
'Where away?' cried Capt. Boldheart, starting up.
'On the larboard bow, sir,' replied the fellow at the masthead,
touching his hat. For such was the height of discipline on board
of 'The Beauty,' that, even at that height, he was obliged to mind
it, or be shot through the head.
'This adventure belongs to me,' said Boldheart. 'Boy, my harpoon.
Let no man follow;' and leaping alone into his boat, the captain
rowed with admirable dexterity in the direction of the monster.
All was now excitement.
'He nears him!' said an elderly seaman, following the captain
through his spy-glass.
'He strikes him!' said another seaman, a mere stripling, but also
with a spy-glass.
'He tows him towards us!' said another seaman, a man in the full
vigour of life, but also with a spy-glass.
In fact, the captain was seen approaching, with the huge bulk
following. We will not dwell on the deafening cries of 'Boldheart!
Boldheart!' with which he was received, when, carelessly leaping on
the quarter-deck, he presented his prize to his men. They
afterwards made two thousand four hundred and seventeen pound ten
and sixpence by it.
Ordering the sail to be braced up, the captain now stood W.N.W.
'The Beauty' flew rather than floated over the dark blue waters.
Nothing particular occurred for a fortnight, except taking, with
considerable slaughter, four Spanish galleons, and a snow from
South America, all richly laden. Inaction began to tell upon the
spirits of the men. Capt. Boldheart called all hands aft, and
said, 'My lads, I hear there are discontented ones among ye. Let
any such stand forth.'
After some murmuring, in which the expressions, 'Ay, ay, sir!'
'Union Jack,' 'Avast,' 'Starboard,' 'Port,' 'Bowsprit,' and similar
indications of a mutinous undercurrent, though subdued, were
audible, Bill Boozey, captain of the foretop, came out from the
rest. His form was that of a giant, but he quailed under the
captain's eye.
'What are your wrongs?' said the captain.
'Why, d'ye see, Capt. Boldheart,' replied the towering manner,
'I've sailed, man and boy, for many a year, but I never yet know'd
the milk served out for the ship's company's teas to be so sour as
'tis aboard this craft.'
At this moment the thrilling cry, 'Man overboard!' announced to the
astonished crew that Boozey, in stepping back, as the captain (in
mere thoughtfulness) laid his hand upon the faithful pocket-pistol
which he wore in his belt, had lost his balance, and was struggling
with the foaming tide.
All was now stupefaction.
But with Capt. Boldheart, to throw off his uniform coat, regardless
of the various rich orders with which it was decorated, and to
plunge into the sea after the drowning giant, was the work of a
moment. Maddening was the excitement when boats were lowered;
intense the joy when the captain was seen holding up the drowning
man with his teeth; deafening the cheering when both were restored
to the main deck of 'The Beauty.' And, from the instant of his
changing his wet clothes for dry ones, Capt. Boldheart had no such
devoted though humble friend as William Boozey.
Boldheart now pointed to the horizon, and called the attention of
his crew to the taper spars of a ship lying snug in harbour under
the guns of a fort.
'She shall be ours at sunrise,' said he. 'Serve out a double
allowance of grog, and prepare for action.'
All was now preparation.
When morning dawned, after a sleepless night, it was seen that the
stranger was crowding on all sail to come out of the harbour and
offer battle. As the two ships came nearer to each other, the
stranger fired a gun and hoisted Roman colours. Boldheart then
perceived her to be the Latin-grammar master's bark. Such indeed
she was, and had been tacking about the world in unavailing
pursuit, from the time of his first taking to a roving life.
Boldheart now addressed his men, promising to blow them up if he
should feel convinced that their reputation required it, and giving
orders that the Latin-grammar master should be taken alive. He
then dismissed them to their quarters, and the fight began with a
broadside from 'The Beauty.' She then veered around, and poured in
another. 'The Scorpion' (so was the bark of the Latin-grammar
master appropriately called) was not slow to return her fire; and a
terrific cannonading ensued, in which the guns of 'The Beauty' did
tremendous execution.
The Latin-grammar master was seen upon the poop, in the midst of
the smoke and fire, encouraging his men. To do him justice, he was
no craven, though his white hat, his short gray trousers, and his
long snuff-coloured surtout reaching to his heels (the self-same
coat in which he had spited Boldheart), contrasted most
unfavourably with the brilliant uniform of the latter. At this
moment, Boldheart, seizing a pike and putting himself at the head
of his men, gave the word to board.
A desperate conflict ensued in the hammock-nettings, - or somewhere
in about that direction, - until the Latin-grammar master, having
all his masts gone, his hull and rigging shot through, and seeing
Boldheart slashing a path towards him, hauled down his flag
himself, gave up his sword to Boldheart, and asked for quarter.
Scarce had he been put into the captain's boat, ere 'The Scorpion'
went down with all on board.
On Capt. Boldheart's now assembling his men, a circumstance
occurred. He found it necessary with one blow of his cutlass to
kill the cook, who, having lost his brother in the late action, was
making at the Latin-grammar master in an infuriated state, intent
on his destruction with a carving-knife.
Capt. Boldheart then turned to the Latin-grammar master, severely
reproaching him with his perfidy, and put it to his crew what they
considered that a master who spited a boy deserved.
They answered with one voice, 'Death.'
'It may be so,' said the captain; 'but it shall never be said that
Boldheart stained his hour of triumph with the blood of his enemy.
Prepare the cutter.'
The cutter was immediately prepared.
'Without taking your life,' said the captain, 'I must yet for ever
deprive you of the power of spiting other boys. I shall turn you
adrift in this boat. You will find in her two oars, a compass, a
bottle of rum, a small cask of water, a piece of pork, a bag of
biscuit, and my Latin grammar. Go! and spite the natives, if you
can find any.'
Deeply conscious of this bitter sarcasm, the unhappy wretch was put
into the cutter, and was soon left far behind. He made no effort
to row, but was seen lying on his back with his legs up, when last
made out by the ship's telescopes.
A stiff breeze now beginning to blow, Capt. Boldheart gave orders
to keep her S.S.W., easing her a little during the night by falling
off a point or two W. by W., or even by W.S., if she complained
much. He then retired for the night, having in truth much need of
repose. In addition to the fatigues he had undergone, this brave
officer had received sixteen wounds in the engagement, but had not
mentioned it.
In the morning a white squall came on, and was succeeded by other
squalls of various colours. It thundered and lightened heavily for
six weeks. Hurricanes then set in for two months. Waterspouts and
tornadoes followed. The oldest sailor on board - and he was a very
old one - had never seen such weather. 'The Beauty' lost all idea
where she was, and the carpenter reported six feet two of water in
the hold. Everybody fell senseless at the pumps every day.
Provisions now ran very low. Our hero put the crew on short
allowance, and put himself on shorter allowance than any man in the
ship. But his spirit kept him fat. In this extremity, the
gratitude of Boozey, the captain of the foretop, whom our readers
may remember, was truly affecting. The loving though lowly William
repeatedly requested to be killed, and preserved for the captain's
table.
We now approach a change of affairs. One day during a gleam of
sunshine, and when the weather had moderated, the man at the
masthead - too weak now to touch his hat, besides its having been
blown away - called out,
'Savages!'
All was now expectation.
Presently fifteen hundred canoes, each paddled by twenty savages,
were seen advancing in excellent order. They were of a light green
colour (the savages were), and sang, with great energy, the
following strain:
Choo a choo a choo tooth.
Muntch, muntch. Nycey!
Choo a choo a choo tooth.
Muntch, muntch. Nycey!
As the shades of night were by this time closing in, these
expressions were supposed to embody this simple people's views of
the evening hymn. But it too soon appeared that the song was a
translation of 'For what we are going to receive,' &c.
The chief, imposingly decorated with feathers of lively colours,
and having the majestic appearance of a fighting parrot, no sooner
understood (he understood English perfectly) that the ship was 'The
Beauty,' Capt. Boldheart, than he fell upon his face on the deck,
and could not be persuaded to rise until the captain had lifted him
up, and told him he wouldn't hurt him. All the rest of the savages
also fell on their faces with marks of terror, and had also to be
lifted up one by one. Thus the fame of the great Boldheart had
gone before him, even among these children of Nature.
Turtles and oysters were now produced in astonishing numbers; and
on these and yams the people made a hearty meal. After dinner the
chief told Capt. Boldheart that there was better feeding up at the
village, and that he would be glad to take him and his officers
there. Apprehensive of treachery, Boldheart ordered his boat's
crew to attend him completely armed. And well were it for other
commanders if their precautions - but let us not anticipate.
When the canoes arrived at the beach, the darkness of the night was
illumined by the light of an immense fire. Ordering his boat's
crew (with the intrepid though illiterate William at their head) to
keep close and be upon their guard, Boldheart bravely went on, arm
in arm with the chief.
But how to depict the captain's surprise when he found a ring of
savages singing in chorus that barbarous translation of 'For what
we are going to receive,' &c., which has been given above, and
dancing hand in hand round the Latin-grammar master, in a hamper
with his head shaved, while two savages floured him, before putting
him to the fire to be cooked!
Boldheart now took counsel with his officers on the course to be
adopted. In the mean time, the miserable captive never ceased
begging pardon and imploring to be delivered. On the generous
Boldheart's proposal, it was at length resolved that he should not
be cooked, but should be allowed to remain raw, on two conditions,
namely: