Moll Flanders

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Well, there was no remedy; the prosecution went on, and on
the Thursday I was carried down to the sessions-house, where
I was arraigned, as they called it, and the next day I was
appointed to be tried. At the arraignment I pleaded 'Not guilty,'
and well I might, for I was indicted for felony and burglary;
that is, for feloniously stealing two pieces of brocaded silk,
value #46, the goods of Anthony Johnson, and for breaking
open his doors; whereas I knew very well they could not
pretend to prove I had broken up the doors, or so much as
lifted up a latch.

On the Friday I was brought to my trial. I had exhausted my
spirits with crying for two or three days before, so that I slept
better the Thursday night than I expected, and had more courage
for my trial than indeed I thought possible for me to have.

When the trial began, the indictment was read, I would have
spoke, but they told me the witnesses must be heard first, and
then I should have time to be heard. The witnesses were the
two wenches, a couple of hard-mouthed jades indeed, for
though the thing was truth in the main, yet they aggravated it
to the utmost extremity, and swore I had the goods wholly in
my possession, that I had hid them among my clothes, that I
was going off with them, that I had one foot over the threshold
when they discovered themselves, and then I put t' other over,
so that I was quite out of the house in the street with the goods
before they took hold of me, and then they seized me, and
brought me back again, and they took the goods upon me. The
fact in general was all true, but I believe, and insisted upon it,
that they stopped me before I had set my foot clear of the
threshold of the house. But that did not argue much, for certain
it was that I had taken the goods, and I was bringing them away,
if I had not been taken.

But I pleaded that I had stole nothing, they had lost nothing,
that the door was open, and I went in, seeing the goods lie
there, and with design to buy. If, seeing nobody in the house, I
had taken any of them up in my hand it could not be concluded
that I intended to steal them, for that I never carried them
farther than the door to look on them with the better light.

The Court would not allow that by any means, and made a
kind of a jest of my intending to buy the goods, that being no
shop for the selling of anything, and as to carrying them to the
door to look at them, the maids made their impudent mocks
upon that, and spent their wit upon it very much; told the
Court I had looked at them sufficiently, and approved them
very well, for I had packed them up under my clothes, and
was a-going with them.

In short, I was found guilty of felony, but acquitted of the
burglary, which was but small comfort to me, the first bringing
me to a sentence of death, and the last would have done no
more. The next day I was carried down to receive the dreadful
sentence, and when they came to ask me what I had to say
why sentence should not pass, I stood mute a while, but
somebody that stood behind me prompted me aloud to speak
to the judges, for that they could represent things favourably
for me. This encouraged me to speak, and I told them I had
nothing to say to stop the sentence, but that I had much to say
to bespeak the mercy of the Court; that I hoped they would
allow something in such a case for the circumstances of it;
that I had broken no doors, had carried nothing off; that
nobody had lost anything; that the person whose goods they
were was pleased to say he desired mercy might be shown
(which indeed he very honestly did); that, at the worst, it was
the first offence, and that I had never been before any court
of justice before; and, in a word, I spoke with more courage
that I thought I could have done, and in such a moving tone,
and though with tears, yet not so many tears as to obstruct my
speech, that I could see it moved others to tears that heard me.

The judges sat grave and mute, gave me an easy hearing, and
time to say all that I would, but, saying neither Yes nor No to
it, pronounced the sentence of death upon me, a sentence that
was to me like death itself, which, after it was read, confounded
me. I had no more spirit left in me, I had no tongue to speak,
or eyes to look up either to God or man.

My poor governess was utterly disconsolate, and she that was
my comforter before, wanted comfort now herself; and sometimes
mourning, sometimes raging, was as much out of herself, as to
all outward appearance, as any mad woman in Bedlam. Nor
was she only disconsolate as to me, but she was struck with
horror at the sense of her own wicked life, and began to look
back upon it with a taste quite different from mine, for she
was penitent to the highest degree for her sins, as well as
sorrowful for the misfortune. She sent for a minister, too, a
serious, pious, good man, and applied herself with such
earnestness, by his assistance, to the work of a sincere repentance,
that I believe, and so did the minister too, that she was a true
penitent; and, which is still more, she was not only so for the
occasion, and at that juncture, but she continued so, as I was
informed, to the day of her death.

It is rather to be thought of than expressed what was now my
condition. I had nothing before me but present death; and as
I had no friends to assist me, or to stir for me, I expected
nothing but to find my name in the dead warrant, which was
to come down for the execution, the Friday afterwards, of five
more and myself.

In the meantime my poor distressed governess sent me a
minister, who at her request first, and at my own afterwards,
came to visit me. He exhorted me seriously to repent of all
my sins, and to dally no longer with my soul; not flattering
myself with hopes of life, which, he said, he was informed
there was no room to expect, but unfeignedly to look up to
God with my whole soul, and to cry for pardon in the name
of Jesus Christ. He backed his discourses with proper quotations
of Scripture, encouraging the greatest sinner to repent, and turn
from their evil way, and when he had done, he kneeled down
and prayed with me.

It was now that, for the first time, I felt any real signs of
repentance. I now began to look back upon my past life with
abhorrence, and having a kind of view into the other side of
time, and things of life, as I believe they do with everybody
at such a time, began to look with a different aspect, and quite
another shape, than they did before. The greatest and best
things, the views of felicity, the joy, the griefs of life, were
quite other things; and I had nothing in my thoughts but what
was so infinitely superior to what I had known in life, that it
appeared to me to be the greatest stupidity in nature to lay
any weight upon anything, though the most valuable in this
world.

The word eternity represented itself with all its incomprehensible
additions, and I had such extended notions of it, that I know
not how to express them. Among the rest, how vile, how gross,
how absurd did every pleasant thing look!--I mean, that we
had counted pleasant before--especially when I reflected that
these sordid trifles were the things for which we forfeited
eternal felicity.

With these reflections came, of mere course, severe reproaches
of my own mind for my wretched behaviour in my past life;
that I had forfeited all hope of any happiness in the eternity
that I was just going to enter into, and on the contrary was
entitled to all that was miserable, or had been conceived of
misery; and all this with the frightful addition of its being
also eternal.

I am not capable of reading lectures of instruction to anybody,
but I relate this in the very manner in which things then
appeared to me, as far as I am able, but infinitely short of the
lively impressions which they made on my soul at that time;
indeed, those impressions are not to be explained by words,
or if they are, I am not mistress of words enough to express
them. It must be the work of every sober reader to make just
reflections on them, as their own circumstances may direct;
and, without question, this is what every one at some time or
other may feel something of; I mean, a clearer sight into things
to come than they had here, and a dark view of their own
concern in them.

But I go back to my own case. The minister pressed me to
tell him, as far as I though convenient, in what state I found
myself as to the sight I had of things beyond life. He told me
he did not come as ordinary of the place, whose business it
is to extort confessions from prisoners, for private ends, or
for the further detecting of other offenders; that his business
was to move me to such freedom of discourse as might serve
to disburthen my own mind, and furnish him to administer
comfort to me as far as was in his power; and assured me,
that whatever I said to him should remain with him, and be
as much a secret as if it was known only to God and myself;
and that he desired to know nothing of me, but as above to
qualify him to apply proper advice and assistance to me, and
to pray to God for me.

This honest, friendly way of treating me unlocked all the
sluices of my passions. He broke into my very soul by it; and
I unravelled all the wickedness of my life to him. In a word, I
gave him an abridgment of this whole history; I gave him a
picture of my conduct for fifty years in miniature.

I hid nothing from him, and he in return exhorted me to sincere
repentance, explained to me what he meant by repentance, and
then drew out such a scheme of infinite mercy, proclaimed
from heaven to sinners of the greatest magnitude, that he left
me nothing to say, that looked like despair, or doubting of
being accepted; and in this condition he left me the first night.

He visited me again the next morning, and went on with his
method of explaining the terms of divine mercy, which
according to him consisted of nothing more, or more difficult,
than that of being sincerely desirous of it, and willing to accept
it; only a sincere regret for, and hatred of, those things I had
done, which rendered me so just an object of divine vengeance.
I am not able to repeat the excellent discourses of this
extraordinary man; 'tis all that I am able to do, to say that he
revived my heart, and brought me into such a condition that
I never knew anything of in my life before. I was covered
with shame and tears for things past, and yet had at the same
time a secret surprising joy at the prospect of being a true
penitent, and obtaining the comfort of a penitent--I mean, the
hope of being forgiven; and so swift did thoughts circulate,
and so high did the impressions they had made upon me run,
that I thought I could freely have gone out that minute to
execution, without any uneasiness at all, casting my soul
entirely into the arms of infinite mercy as a penitent.

The good gentleman was so moved also in my behalf with a
view of the influence which he saw these things had on me,
that he blessed God he had come to visit me, and resolved not
to leave me till the last moment; that is, not to leave visiting me.

It was no less than twelve days after our receiving sentence
before any were ordered for execution, and then upon a
Wednesday the dead warrant, as they call it, came down, and
I found my name was among them. A terrible blow this was
to my new resolutions; indeed my heart sank within me, and
I swooned away twice, one after another, but spoke not a word.
The good minister was sorely afflicted for me, and did what he
could to comfort me with the same arguments, and the same
moving eloquence that he did before, and left me not that
evening so long as the prisonkeepers would suffer him to stay
in the prison, unless he would be locked up with me all night,
which he was not willing to be.

I wondered much that I did not see him all the next day, it
being the day before the time appointed for execution; and I
was greatly discouraged, and dejected in my mind, and indeed
almost sank for want of the comfort which he had so often,
and with such success, yielded me on his former visits. I
waited with great impatience, and under the greatest oppressions
of spirits imaginable, till about four o'clock he came to my
apartment; for I had obtained the favour, by the help of money,
nothing being to be done in that place without it, not to be
kept in the condemned hole, as they call it, among the rest of
the prisoners who were to die, but to have a little dirty
chamber to myself.

My heart leaped within me for joy when I heard his voice at
the door, even before I saw him; but let any one judge what
kind of motion I found in my soul, when after having made a
short excuse for his not coming, he showed me that his time
had been employed on my account; that he had obtained a
favourable report from the Recorder to the Secretary of State
in my particular case, and, in short, that he had brought me
a reprieve.

He used all the caution that he was able in letting me know
a thing which it would have been a double cruelty to have
concealed; and yet it was too much for me; for as grief had
overset me before, so did joy overset me now, and I fell into
a much more dangerous swooning than I did at first, and it
was not without a great difficulty that I was recovered at all.

The good man having made a very Christian exhortation to
me, not to let the joy of my reprieve put the remembrance of
my past sorrow out of my mind, and having told me that he
must leave me, to go and enter the reprieve in the books, and
show it to the sheriffs, stood up just before his going away,
and in a very earnest manner prayed to God for me, that my
repentance might be made unfeigned and sincere; and that
my coming back, as it were, into life again, might not be a
returning to the follies of life which I had made such solemn
resolutions to forsake, and to repent of them. I joined heartily
in the petition, and must needs say I had deeper impressions
upon my mind all that night, of the mercy of God in sparing
my life, and a greater detestation of my past sins, from a sense
of the goodness which I had tasted in this case, than I had in
all my sorrow before.

This may be thought inconsistent in itself, and wide from the
business of this book; particularly, I reflect that many of those
who may be pleased and diverted with the relation of the wild
and wicked part of my story may not relish this, which is
really the best part of my life, the most advantageous to myself,
and the most instructive to others. Such, however, will, I hope,
allow me the liberty to make my story complete. It would be
a severe satire on such to say they do not relish the repentance
as much as they do the crime; and that they had rather the
history were a complete tragedy, as it was very likely to have been.

But I go on with my relation. The next morning there was a
sad scene indeed in the prison. The first thing I was saluted
with in the morning was the tolling of the great bell at St.
Sepulchre's, as they call it, which ushered in the day. As soon
as it began to toll, a dismal groaning and crying was heard
from the condemned hole, where there lay six poor souls who
were to be executed that day, some from one crime, some for
another, and two of them for murder.

This was followed by a confused clamour in the house, among
the several sorts of prisoners, expressing their awkward sorrows
for the poor creatures that were to die, but in a manner extremely
differing one from another. Some cried for them; some huzzaed,
and wished them a good journey; some damned and cursed those
that had brought them to it--that is, meaning the evidence, or
prosecutors--many pitying them, and some few, but very few,
praying for them.

There was hardly room for so much composure of mind as
was required for me to bless the merciful Providence that had,
as it were, snatched me out of the jaws of this destruction. I
remained, as it were, dumb and silent, overcome with the
sense of it, and not able to express what I had in my heart; for
the passions on such occasions as these are certainly so agitated
as not to be able presently to regulate their own motions.

All the while the poor condemned creatures were preparing
to their death, and the ordinary, as they call him, was busy
with them, disposing them to submit to their sentence--I say,
all this while I was seized with a fit of trembling, as much as
I could have been if I had been in the same condition, as to be
sure the day before I expected to be; I was so violently agitated
by this surprising fit, that I shook as if it had been in the cold
fit of an ague, so that I could not speak or look but like one
distracted. As soon as they were all put into carts and gone,
which, however, I had not courage enough to see--I say, as
soon as they were gone, I fell into a fit of crying involuntarily,
and without design, but as a mere distemper, and yet so violent,
and it held me so long, that I knew not what course to take,
nor could I stop, or put a check to it, no, not with all the
strength and courage I had.

This fit of crying held me near two hours, and, as I believe,
held me till they were all out of the world, and then a most
humble, penitent, serious kind of joy succeeded; a real transport
it was, or passion of joy and thankfulness, but still unable to
give vent to it by words, and in this I continued most part of
the day.

In the evening the good minister visited me again, and then
fell to his usual good discourses. He congratulated my having
a space yet allowed me for repentance, whereas the state of
those six poor creatures was determined, and they were now
past the offers of salvation; he earnestly pressed me to retain
the same sentiments of the things of life that I had when I had
a view of eternity; and at the end of all told me I should not
conclude that all was over, that a reprieve was not a pardon,
that he could not yet answer for the effects of it; however, I
had this mercy, that I had more time given me, and that it was
my business to improve that time.

This discourse, though very seasonable, left a kind of sadness
on my heart, as if I might expect the affair would have a
tragical issue still, which, however, he had no certainty of;
and I did not indeed, at that time, question him about it, he
having said that he would do his utmost to bring it to a good
end, and that he hoped he might, but he would not have me
be secure; and the consequence proved that he had reason for
what he said.

It was about a fortnight after this that I had some just apprehensions
that I should be included in the next dead warrant at the ensuing
sessions; and it was not without great difficulty, and at last a
humble petition for transportation, that I avoided it, so ill was
I beholding to fame, and so prevailing was the fatal report of
being an old offender; though in that they did not do me strict
justice, for I was not in the sense of the law an old offender,
whatever I was in the eye of the judge, for I had never been
before them in a judicial way before; so the judges could not
charge me with being an old offender, but the Recorder was
pleased to represent my case as he thought fit.

I had now a certainty of life indeed, but with the hard conditions
of being ordered for transportation, which indeed was hard
condition in itself, but not when comparatively considered;
and therefore I shall make no comments upon the sentence,
nor upon the choice I was put to. We shall all choose anything
rather than death, especially when 'tis attended with an
uncomfortable prospect beyond it, which was my case.

The good minister, whose interest, though a stranger to me,
had obtained me the reprieve, mourned sincerely for this part.
He was in hopes, he said, that I should have ended my days
under the influence of good instruction, that I should not have
been turned loose again among such a wretched crew as they
generally are, who are thus sent abroad, where, as he said, I
must have more than ordinary secret assistance from the grace
of God, if I did not turn as wicked again as ever.

I have not for a good while mentioned my governess, who
had during most, if not all, of this part been dangerously sick,
and being in as near a view of death by her disease as I was
by my sentence, was a great penitent--I say, I have not mentioned
her, nor indeed did I see her in all this time; but being now
recovering, and just able to come abroad, she came to see me.

I told her my condition, and what a different flux and reflux
of tears and hopes I had been agitated with; I told her what I
had escaped, and upon what terms; and she was present when
the minister expressed his fears of my relapsing into wickedness
upon my falling into the wretched companies that are generally
transported. Indeed I had a melancholy reflection upon it in
my own mind, for I knew what a dreadful gang was always
sent away together, and I said to my governess that the good
minister's fears were not without cause. 'Well, well,' says she,
'but I hope you will not be tempted with such a horrid example
as that.' And as soon as the minister was gone, she told me she
would not have me discouraged, for perhaps ways and means
might be found out to dispose of me in a particular way, by
myself, of which she would talk further to me afterward.

I looked earnestly at her, and I thought she looked more cheerful
than she usually had done, and I entertained immediately a
thousand notions of being delivered, but could not for my life
image the methods, or think of one that was in the least feasible;
but I was too much concerned in it to let her go from me without
explaining herself, which, though she was very loth to do, yet
my importunity prevailed, and, while I was still pressing, she
answered me in a few words, thus: 'Why, you have money,
have you not? Did you ever know one in your life that was
transported and had a hundred pounds in his pocket, I'll warrant
you, child?'says she.

I understood her presently, but told her I would leave all that
to her, but I saw no room to hope for anything but a strict
execution of the order, and as it was a severity that was
esteemed a mercy, there was no doubt but it would be strictly
observed. She said no more but this: 'We will try what can
be done,' and so we parted for that night.

I lay in the prison near fifteen weeks after this order for
transportation was signed. What the reason of it was, I know
not, but at the end of this time I was put on board of a ship in
the Thames, and with me a gang of thirteen as hardened vile
creatures as ever Newgate produced in my time; and it would
really well take up a history longer than mine to describe the
degrees of impudence and audacious villainy that those thirteen
were arrived to, and the manner of their behaviour in the
voyage; of which I have a very diverting account by me, which
the captain of the ship who carried them over gave me the
minutes of, and which he caused his mate to write down at large.

It may perhaps be thought trifling to enter here into a relation
of all the little incidents which attended me in this interval of
my circumstances; I mean, between the final order of my
transporation and the time of my going on board the ship; and
I am too near the end of my story to allow room for it; but
something relating to me any my Lancashire husband I must
not omit.

He had, as I have observed already, been carried from the
master's side of the ordinary prison into the press-yard, with
three of his comrades, for they found another to add to them
after some time; here, for what reason I knew not, they were
kept in custody without being brought to trial almost three
months. It seems they found means to bribe or buy off some
of those who were expected to come in against them, and they
wanted evidence for some time to convict them. After some
puzzle on this account, at first they made a shift to get proof
enough against two of them to carry them off; but the other
two, of which my Lancashire husband was one, lay still in
suspense. They had, I think, one positive evidence against
each of them, but the law strictly obliging them to have two
witnesses, they could make nothing of it. Yet it seems they
were resolved not to part with the men neither, not doubting
but a further evidence would at last come in; and in order to
this, I think publication was made, that such prisoners being
taken, any one that had been robbed by them might come to
the prison and see them.

I took this opportunity to satisfy my curiosity, pretending that
I had been robbed in the Dunstable coach, and that I would go
to see the two highwaymen. But when I came into the press-yard,
I so disguised myself, and muffled my face up so, that he could
see little of me, and consequently knew nothing of who I was;
and when I came back, I said publicly that I knew them very well.

Immediately it was rumoured all over the prison that Moll
Flanders would turn evidence against one of the highwaymen,
and that I was to come off by it from the sentence of transportation.

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