Moll Flanders

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For this piece of service the captain demanded of us six
thousand weight of tabacco, which he said he was accountable
for to his freighter, and which we immediately bought for him,
and made him a present of twenty guineas besides, with which
he was abundantly satisfied.

It is not proper to enter here into the particulars of what part
of the colony of Virginia we settled in, for divers reasons; it
may suffice to mention that we went into the great river
Potomac, the ship being bound thither; and there we intended
to have settled first, though afterwards we altered our minds.

The first thing I did of moment after having gotten all our
goods on shore, and placed them in a storehouse, or warehouse,
which, with a lodging, we hired at the small place or village
where we landed--I say, the first thing was to inquire after my
mother, and after my brother (that fatal person whom I married
as a husband, as I have related at large). A little inquiry
furnished me with information that Mrs.----, that is, my mother,
was dead; that my brother (or husband) was alive, which I
confess I was not very glad to hear; but which was worse, I
found he was removed from the plantation where he lived
formerly, and where I lived with him, and lived with one of
his sons in a plantation just by the place where we landed,
and where we had hired a warehouse.

I was a little surprised at first, but as I ventured to satisfy
myself that he could not know me, I was not only perfectly
easy, but had a great mind to see him, if it was possible to so
do without his seeing me. In order to that I found out by
inquiry the plantation where he lived, and with a woman of
that place whom I got to help me, like what we call a chairwoman,
I rambled about towards the place as if I had only a mind to
see the country and look about me. At last I came so near that
I saw the dwellinghouse. I asked the woman whose plantation
that was; she said it belonged to such a man, and looking out
a little to our right hands, 'there,' says she, is the gentleman
that owns the plantation, and his father with him.' 'What are
their Christian names?' said I. 'I know not,' says she, 'what
the old gentleman's name is, but the son's name is Humphrey;
and I believe,' says she, 'the father's is so too.' You may
guess, if you can, what a confused mixture of joy and fight
possessed my thoughts upon this occasion, for I immediately
knew that this was nobody else but my own son, by that father
she showed me, who was my own brother. I had no mask,
but I ruffled my hood so about my face, that I depended upon
it that after above twenty years' absence, and withal not
expecting anything of me in that part of the world, he would
not be able to know anything of me. But I need not have used
all that caution, for the old gentleman was grown dim-sighted
by some distemper which had fallen upon his eyes, and could
but just see well enough to walk about, and not run against a
tree or into a ditch. The woman that was with me had told me
that by a mere accident, knowing nothing of what importance
it was to me. As they drew near to us, I said, 'Does he know
you, Mrs. Owen?' (so they called the woman). 'Yes,' said
she, 'if he hears me speak, he will know me; but he can't see
well enough to know me or anybody else'; and so she told me
the story of his sight, as I have related. This made me secure,
and so I threw open my hoods again, and let them pass by me.
It was a wretched thing for a mother thus to see her own son,
a handsome, comely young gentleman in flourishing
circumstances, and durst not make herself known to him, and
durst not take any notice of him. Let any mother of children
that reads this consider it, and but think with what anguish of
mind I restrained myself; what yearnings of soul I had in me
to embrace him, and weep over him; and how I thought all my
entrails turned within me, that my very bowels moved, and I
knew not what to do, as I now know not how to express those
agonies! When he went from me I stood gazing and trembling,
and looking after him as long as I could see him; then sitting
down to rest me, but turned from her, and lying on my face,
wept, and kissed the ground that he had set his foot on.

I could not conceal my disorder so much from the woman but
that she perceived it, and thought I was not well, which I was
obliged to pretend was true; upon which she pressed me to rise,
the ground being damp and dangerous, which I did accordingly,
and walked away.

As I was going back again, and still talking of this gentleman
and his son, a new occasion of melancholy offered itself thus.
The woman began, as if she would tell me a story to divert me:
'There goes,' says she, 'a very odd tale among the neighbours
where this gentleman formerly live.' 'What was that?' said
I. 'Why,' says she, 'that old gentleman going to England,
when he was a young man, fell in love with a young lady there,
one of the finest women that ever was seen, and married her,
and brought her over hither to his mother who was then living.
He liver here several years with her,' continued she, 'and had
several children by her, of which the young gentleman that was
with him now was one; but after some time, the old gentlewoman,
his mother, talking to her of something relating to herself when
she was in England, and of her circumstances in England,
which were bad enough, the daughter-in-law began to be very
much surprised and uneasy; and, in short, examining further
into things, it appeared past all contradiction that the old
gentlewoman was her own mother, and that consequently that
son was his wife's own brother, which struck the whole family
with horror, and put them into such confusion that it had almost
ruined them all. The young woman would not live with him;
the son, her brother and husband, for a time went distracted;
and at last the young woman went away for England, and has
never been hears of since.'

It is easy to believe that I was strangely affected with this story,
but 'tis impossible to describe the nature of my disturbance. I
seemed astonished at the story, and asked her a thousand
questions about the particulars, which I found she was
thoroughly acquainted with. At last I began to inquire into the
circumstances of the family, how the old gentlewoman, I mean
my mother, died, and how she left what she had; for my mother
had promised me very solemnly, that when she died she would
do something for me, and leave it so, as that, if I was living, I
should one way or other come at it, without its being in the
power of her son, my brother and husband, to prevent it. She
told me she did not know exactly how it was ordered, but she
had been told that my mother had left a sum of money, and
had tied her plantation for the payment of it, to be made good
to the daughter, if ever she could be heard of, either in England
or elsewhere; and that the trust was left with this son, who was
the person that we saw with his father.

This was news too good for me to make light of, and, you
may be sure, filled my heart with a thousand thoughts, what
courseI should take, how, and when, and in what manner I
should make myself known, or whether I should ever make
myself know or no.

Here was a perplexity that I had not indeed skill to manage
myself in, neither knew I what course to take. It lay heavy
upon my mind night and day. I could neither sleep nor
converse, sothat my husband perceived it, and wondered what
ailed me, strove to divert me, but it was all to no purpose. He
pressed me to tell him what it was troubled me, but I put it off,
till at last, importuning me continually, I was forced to form
a story, which yet had a plain truth to lay it upon too. It old
him I was troubled because I found we must shift our quarters
and alter our scheme of settling, for that I found I should be
known if I stayed in that part of the country; for that my mother
being dead, several of my relations were come into that part
where we then was, and that I must either discover myself to
them, which in our present circumstances was not proper on
many accounts, or remove; and which to do I knew not, and
that this it was that made me so melancholy and so thoughtful.

He joined with me in this, that it was by no means proper for
me to make myself known to anybody in the circumstances
inwhich we then were; and therefore he told me he would be
willing to remove to any other part of the country, or even to
any other country if I thought fit. But now I had another
difficulty,which was, that if I removed to any other colony, I
put myself out of the way of ever making a due search after
those effects which my mother had left. Again I could never
so much as think of breaking the secret of my former marriage
to my new husband; it was not a story, as I thought, that would
bear telling, nor could I tell what might be the consequences
of it; and it was impossible to search into the bottom of the
thing without making it public all over the country, as well
who I was, as what I now was also.

In this perplexity I continued a great while, and this made my
spouse very uneasy; for he found me perplexed, and yet thought
I was not open with him, and did not let him into every part
of my grievance; and he would often say, he wondered what
he had done that I would not trust him with whatever it was,
especially if it was grievous and afflicting. The truth is, he
ought to have been trusted with everything, for no man in the
world could deserve better of a wife; but this was a thing I
knew not how to open to him, and yet having nobody to
disclose any part of it to,the burthen was too heavy for my
mind; for let them say whatthey please of our sex not being
able to keep a secret, my life is a plain conviction to me of the
contrary; but be it our sex, or the man's sex, a secret of moment
should always have a confidant,a bosom friend, to whom we
may communicate the joy of it, or the grief of it, be it which
it will, or it will be a double weight upon the spirits, and
perhaps become even insupportable in itself; and this I appeal
to all human testimony for the truth of.

And this is the cause why many times men as well as women,
and men of the greatest and best qualities other ways, yet have
found themselves weak in this part, and have not been able to
bear the weight of a secret joy or of a secret sorrow, but have
been obliged to disclose it, even for the mere giving vent to
themselves, and to unbend the mind oppressed with the load
andweights which attended it. Nor was this any token of folly
orthoughtlessness at all, but a natural consequence of the thing;
and such people, had they struggled longer with the oppression,
would certainly have told it in their sleep, and disclosed the
secret, let it have been of what fatal nature soever, without
regard to the person to whom it might be exposed. This
necessity of nature is a thing which works sometimes with
such vehemence in the minds of those who are guilty of any
atrocious villainy, such as secret murder in particular, that they
have been obliged to discover it, though the consequence
would necessarily be their own destruction. Now, thought it
may be true that the divine justice ought to have the glory of
all those discoveries and confessions, yet 'tis as certain that
Providence, which ordinarily works by the hands of nature,
makes use here of the same naturalcauses to produce those
extraordinary effects.

I could give several remarkable instances of this in my long
conversation with crime and with criminals. I knew one fellow
that, while I was in prison in Newgate, was one of those they
called then night-fliers. I know not what other word they may
have understood it by since, but he was one who by connivance
was admitted to go abroad every evening, when he played his
pranks, and furnished those honest people they call thief-catchers
with business to find out the next day, and restore for a reward
what they had stolen the evening before. This fellow was as
sure to tell in his sleep all that he had done, and every step he
had taken, what he had stolen, and where, as sure as if he had
engaged to tell it waking, and that there was no harm or danger
in it, and therefore he was obliged, after he had been out, to
lock himself up, or be locked up by some of the keepers that
had him in fee, that nobody should hear him; but, on the other
hand, if he had told all the particulars, and given a full account
of his rambles and success, to any comrade, any brother thief,
or to his employers, as I may justly call them, then all was
well with him, and he slept as quietly as other people.

As the publishing this account of my life is for the sake of the
just moral of very part of it, and for instruction, caution,
warning, and improvement to every reader, so this will not
pass, I hope, for an unnecessary digression concerning some
people being obliged to disclose the greatest secrets either of
their own or other people's affairs.

Under the certain oppression of this weight upon my mind, I
laboured in the case I have been naming; and the only relief
I found for it was to let my husband into so much of it as I
thought would convince him of the necessity there was for us
to think of settling in some other part of the world; and the
next consideration before us was, which part of the English
settlements we should go to. My husband was a perfect stranger
to the country, and had not yet so much as a geographical
knowledge of the situation of the several places; and I, that,
till I wrote this, did not know what the word geographical
signified, had only a general knowledge from long conversation
with people that came from or went to several places; but this
I knew, that Maryland, Pennsylvania, East and West Jersey,
New York, and New England lay all north of Virginia, and
that they were consequently all colder climates, to which for
that very reason, I had an aversion. For that as I naturally
loved warm weather, so now I grew into years I had a stronger
inclination to shun a cold climate. I therefore considered of
going to Caroline, which is the only southern colony of the
English on the continent of America, and hither I proposed to
go; and the rather because I might with great ease come from
thence at any time, when it might be proper to inquire after
my mother's effects, and to make myself known enough to
demand them.

With this resolution I proposed to my husband our going away
from where we was, and carrying all our effects with us to
Caroline, where we resolved to settle; for my husband readily
agreed to the first part, viz. that was not at all proper to stay
where we was, since I had assured him we should be known
there, and the rest I effectually concealed from him.

But now I found a new difficulty upon me. The main affair
grew heavy upon my mind still, and I could not think of going
out of the country without somehow or other making inquiry
into the grand affair of what my mother had one for me; nor
could I with any patience bear the thought of going away, and
not make myself known to my old husband (brother), or to my
child, his son; only I would fain have had this done without
my new husband having any knowledge of it, or they having
any knowledge of him, or that I had such a thing as a husband.

I cast about innumerable ways in my thoughts how this might
be done. I would gladly have sent my husband away to
Caroline with all our goods, and have come after myself, but
this was impracticable; he would never stir without me, being
himself perfectly unacquainted with the country, and with the
methods of settling there or anywhere else. Then I thought
wewould both go first with part of our goods, and that when
we were settled I should come back to Virginia and fetch the
remainder; but even then I knew he would never part with me,
and be left there to go on alone. The case was plain; he was
bread a gentleman, and by consequence was not only
unacquainted, but indolent, and when we did settle, would
much rather go out into the woods with his gun, which they
call there hunting, and which is the ordinary work of the
Indians, and which they do as servants; I say, he would rather
do that than attend the natural business of his plantation.

These were therefore difficulties insurmountable, and such as
I knew not what to do in. I had such strong impressions on
mymind about discovering myself to my brother, formerly
my husband, that I could not withstand them; and the rather,
because it ran constantly in my thoughts, that if I did not do
it while he lived, I might in vain endeavour to convince my
son afterward that I was really the same person, and that I was
his mother, and so might both lose the assistance and comfort
of the relation, and the benefit of whatever it was my mother
had leftme; and yet, on the other hand, I could never think it
proper to discover myself to them in the circumstances I was
in, as well relating to the having a husband with me as to my
being brought over by a legal transportation as a criminal; on
both which accounts it was absolutely necessary to me to
remove from the place where I was, and come again to him,
as from another place and in another figure.

Upon those considerations, I went on with telling my husband
the absolute necessity there was of our not settling in Potomac
River, at least that we should be presently made public there;
whereas if we went to any other place in the world, we should
come in with as much reputation as any family that came to
plant; that, as it was always agreeable to the inhabitants to
have families come among them to plant, who brought substance
with them, either to purchase plantations or begin new ones,
so we should be sure of a kind, agreeable reception, and that
without any possibility of a discovery of our circumstances.

I told him in general, too, that as I had several relations in the
place where we was, and that I durst not now let myself be
known to them, because they would soon come into a knowledge
of the occasion and reason of my coming over, which would be
to expose myself to the last degree, so I had reason to believe
that my mother, who dies here, had left me something, and
perhaps considerable, which it might be very well worth my
while to inquire after; but that this too could not be done
without exposing us publicly, unless we went from hence; and
then, wherever we settled, I might come, as it were, to visit
and to see my brother and nephews, make myself known to
them, claim and inquire after what was my due, be received
with respect, and at the same time have justice done me with
cheerfulness and good will; whereas, if I did it now, I could
expect nothing but with trouble, such as exacting it by force,
receiving it with curses and reluctance, and with all kinds of
affronts, which he would not perhaps bear to see; that in case
of being obliged to legal proofs of being really her daughter,
I might be at loss, be obliged to have recourse to England, and
it may be to fail at last, and so lose it, whatever it might be.
With these arguments, and having thus acquainted my husband
with the whole secret so far as was needful of him, we resolved
to go and seek a settlement in some other colony, and at first
thoughts, Caroline was the place we pitched upon.

In order to this we began to make inquiry for vessels going to
Carolina, and in a very little while got information, that on the
other side the bay, as they call it, namely, in Maryland, there
was a ship which came from Carolina, laden with rice and
other goods, and was going back again thither, and from
thence to Jamaica, with provisions. On this news we hired a
sloop to take in our goods, and taking, as it were, a final
farewell of Potomac River, we went with all our cargo over
to Maryland.

This was a long and unpleasant voyage, and my spouse said
it was worse to him than all the voyage from England, because
the weather was but indifferent, the water rough, and the
vessel small and inconvenient. In the next place, we were full
a hundred miles up Potomac River, in a part which they call
Westmoreland County, and as that river is by far the greatest
in Virginia, and I have heard say it is the greatest river in the
world that falls into another river, and not directly into the sea,
so we had base weather in it, and were frequently in great
danger; for though we were in the middle, we could not see
land on either side for many leagues together. Then we had
the great river or bay of Chesapeake to cross, which is where
the river Potomac falls intoit, near thirty miles broad, and we
entered more great vast waters whose names I know not, so
that our voyage was full two hundred miles, in a poor, sorry
sloop, with all our treasure, and if any accident had happened
to us, we might at last have been very miserable; supposing
we had lost our goods and saved our lives only, and had then
been left naked and destitute, and in a wild, strange place not
having one friend or acquaintance in all that part of the world.
The very thought of it gives me some horror, even since the
danger is past.

Well, we came to the place in five days' sailing; I think they
call it Philip's Point; and behold, when we came thither, the
ship bound to Carolina was loaded and gone away but three
days before. This was a disappointment;; but, however, I,
that was to be discouraged with nothing, told my husband
that since we could not get passage to Caroline, and that the
country we was in was very fertile and good, we would, if he
liked of it, see if we could find out anything for our tune where
we was, and that if he liked things we would settle here.

We immediately went on shore, but found no conveniences
just at that place, either for our being on shore or preserving
our goods on shore, but was directed by a very honest Quaker,
whom we found there, to go to a place about sixty miles east;
that is to say, nearer the mouth of the bay, where he said he
lived, and where we should be accommodated, either to plant,
or to wait for any other place to plant in that might be more
convenient; and he invited us with so much kindness and
simply honesty, that we agreed to go, and the Quaker himself
went with us.

Here we bought us two servants, viz. an English woman-servant
just come on shore from a ship of Liverpool, and a Negro
man-servant, things absolutely necessary for all people that
pretended to settle in that country. This honest Quaker was
very helpful to us, and when we came to the place that he
proposed to us, found us out a convenient storehouse for our
goods, and lodging for ourselves and our servants; and about
two months or thereabouts afterwards, by his direction, we
took up a large piece of land from the governor of that country,
in order to form our plantation, and so we laid the thoughts
of going to Caroline wholly aside, having been very well
received here, and accommodated with a convenient lodging
till we could prepare things, and have land enough cleared,
and timber and materials provided for building us a house, all
which we managed by the direction of the Quaker; so that in
one year's time we had nearly fifty acres of land cleared, part
of it enclosed, and some of it planted with tabacco, though
not much; besides, we had garden ground and corn sufficient
to help supply our servants with roots and herbs and bread.

And now I persuaded my husband to let me go over the bay
again, and inquire after my friends. He was the willinger to
consent to it now, because he had business upon his hands
sufficient to employ him, besides his gun to divert him, which
they call hunting there, and which he greatly delighted in; and
indeed we used to look at one another, sometimes with a great
deal of pleasure, reflecting how much better that was, not than
Newgate only, but than the most prosperous of our circumstances
in the wicked trade that we had been both carrying on.

Our affair was in a very good posture; we purchased of the
proprietors of the colony as much land for #35, paid in ready
money, as would make a sufficient plantation to employ
between fifty and sixty servants, and which, being well
improved, would be sufficient to us as long as we could either
of us live; and as for children, I was past the prospect of
anything of that kind.

But out good fortune did not end here. I went, as I have said,
over the bay, to the place where my brother, once a husband,
lived; but I did not go to the same village where I was before,
but went up another great river, on the east side of the river
Potomac, called Rappahannock River, and by this means
came on the back of his plantation, which was large, and by
the help of a navigable creek, or little river, that ran into the
Rappahannock, I came very near it.

I was now fully resolved to go up point-blank to my brother
(husband), and to tell him who I was; but not knowing what
temper I might find him in, or how much out of temper rather,
I might make him by such a rash visit, I resolved to write a
letter to him first, to let him know who I was, and that I was
come not to give him any trouble upon the old relation, which
I hoped was entirely forgot, but that I applied to him as a sister
to a brother, desiring his assistance in the case of that provision
which our mother, at her decease, had left for my support, and
which I did not doubt but he would do me justice in, especially
considering that I was come thus far to look after it.

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