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Upton Sinclair - "The Profits of Religion"

Fyodor Dostoyevsky - "The Gambler"

Edouard le Roy - "Henri Bergson"

Robert Nemiroff and Jerry Bonnell - "The Square Root of 3"

A Face Illumined

E >> E. P. Roe >> A Face Illumined




From time to time he gave her a cold, curious glance, as one might
look at some strange, abnormal thing for which there is no accounting;
but his slight scrutiny was no longer furtive. He looked at her
openly as he would at an OBJECT, and not at a woman whose feelings
he would not wound for the world. His thought was: "A creature
akin to Sibley deserves no consideration, and can put in no just
claim for delicacy."

Indeed he felt a peculiar vindictiveness towards her to-night, because
she had so thwarted him, and was about to carry her extraordinary
dower of beauty to the moral slough that seemingly awaited
her. Therefore, his glance swept carelessly over her with a cold
indifference that chilled her very soul.

But these transient glances caught enough to trouble him with a
vague uneasiness. Although he was steeled against her by prejudice
and anger, something in her appearance so pleaded in her favor
that misgivings would arise. Once he thought she met his eyes with
something like an appeal in her own, but he would not look long
enough to be sure. A moment later he was vexed with himself that
he had not.

The silence or the forced remarks at the table were equally oppressive,
and Ida immediately felt that she was the cause of the restraint.
She was about to leave the table in order to relieve them of her
presence, when Miss Burton unexpectedly entered and took her chair,
which hitherto had been vacant. She was a little pale and wan,
but this only made her look the more interesting, and both Stanton
and Van Berg welcomed her as they would the sunshine after a dreary
storm. Even Mrs. Mayhew seemed to find a wonderful relief in her
coming, and added her voluble congratulations.

"I have had nervous headaches myself, and know how to sympathize
with you," she concluded.

"She does not know how to sympathize with me," sighed her daughter.

The sigh caught Van Berg's attention, and he was surprised to see
that the maiden's eyes were full of tears. She bowed her head a
moment to hide them, and then abruptly left the table and the room.

The artist's misgivings ended in something like compunction, as
he thought: "Her tears are caused by the contrast between the icy
reception we gave her, and the cordial welcome we have just given
Miss Burton. Confound it all! I wish I knew the exact truth, or
that she would leave for parts unknown where I could never see her
again."

Miss Burton glanced wistfully after the retreating maiden, but no
explanation was offered. Then, as if feeling that she had lost a
day's opportunity for diffusing sunshine, she became more genial
and brilliant than Van Berg had ever known her to be. They lingered
long at the table; Mr. Burleigh and others joined them. Their
laughter rang out and up to the dusky room in which poor Ida was
sobbing,

"I wish I were dead and out of every one's way."

Van Berg laughed with the others, but never for a moment did he
lose the uneasy consciousness that he might possibly be misjudging
Ida Mayhew. Although Mr. Burleigh's portly form occupied her
chair, it did not prevent him from seeing a pale tearful face that
was far too beautiful, far too free from all gross and sensual
elements, to harmonize with the character he was supposing her to
possess. He re-called what she had said about the "fragrance" of
the rose-bud he had torn and tossed away, rising to him like "a
low, timid appeal for mercy." Had she shyly and timidly appealed
to him for a kinder judgement that evening, and had he been too
blind and prejudiced to see anything save the stains left by Sibley's
name? If she proposed to go to Sibley, why was she not like him
in manner? It was strange that one akin to such a fellow should
fasten wild flowers on her bosom, and still more strange that they
should be so becoming.

The cool and sagacious Van Berg, who so prided himself on his
correct judgment, was decidedly perplexed and perturbed.





Chapter XXXV. Desperately Wounded.




Stanton basked in Miss Burton's smiles until a significant look
from Mrs. Mayhew reminded him of his disagreeable task, for the
performance of which there seemed a greater urgency than ever.
Ida's rather precipitate withdrawal from the supper-room was another
proof in their eyes that some mischief was brewing.

He listened at her door for a moment, and could not fail to hear
the stifled sound of her passionate grief; then knocked, but there
was no response.

"Ida," he said, in a kinder tone than usual, "I want to see you."

She tried to quiet her sobbing, and after a moment faltered: "You
had better leave me to myself."

"No, I must see you," he said kindly but firmly. "I have something
to say to you."

The poor girl was so lonely and heart-broken, that she was ready
for the least ray of comfort. She now saw that she was ignorant
and exceedingly faulty. She was ready to admit the fact that she
had acted very foolishly and unwisely, and that circumstances were
against her. Ill-omened circumstances have brought to condemnation
and death innocent men. Ida would not now claim that she was
innocent of blame, but events had seemed so unfortunate of late,
that she was half ready to think that some vindictive hand was
shaping them.

But she did not feel that she was now worse than she had been.
On the contrary, she had longings for a better life and a broader
culture such as she had never experienced before. The artist's
eyes, in searching for her woman's soul, revealed to her that she
had been a fool; but now she would gladly become a woman if some
one would only point out the way.

"Mother and Ik might learn that I am not wholly bad if they would
only take the trouble to find out," she murmured. "Ik used to be
kind-hearted, and I thought he cared a little for me, in spite of
our sparing. Why is he so hard on me of late? Why can't he believe
that I am just as capable of detesting Sibley as he is? Perhaps
he does mean to say a kind word, and give me a chance to explain."

These thoughts passed through her mind as she lighted the gas and
bathed her face, that she might, to some extent, remove the evidences
of grief.

Stanton misunderstood her wholly. The new Ida, that deep feeling
and recent events were developing, was unknown to him, and he had
been too preoccupied to see the changes, even had they been more
apparent. He did feel a sort f commiseration for her evident
suffering, for he was too kind-hearted not to sympathize even
when he believed pain to be well-deserved. But he thought he must
still deal with her as a wayward, passionate child, as he had in
the past, when she cried till she obtained what she wished, right
or wrong. He now believed that she was as fully bent on carrying
out her own unreasonable will, but remembered that she was no
longer a child, and might be guilty of folly that society would
not forgive as childish. Therefore he wished to see her face, and
was disposed to be wary and observant.

He gave her a quick, keen glance as he entered and then said:

"What's the matter, Ida? Why do you sit here in the shadows? It's
as dark as a pocket;" and he turned the gas higher.

She did not answer, but sat down with her face averted from him and
the light. "He has come here as a spy, and not as a comforter,"
she thought.

He looked at her a moment, mistook her silence as an expression of
the settled obstinacy of her purpose.

"Well, Ida," he said, a little irritably, "I know you of old. I
suppose you will have your own way as usual. If we must submit,
why then we must; but you can't expect us to do so with any grace.
If you won't give up this Sibley, for heaven's sake let your mother
arrange the matter after the fashion of the day! Out of regard
for your family, go through all the regular formalities."

She started violently and then leaned back in her chair as if she
were faint, and half stunned by a blow. He regarded her manner as
evidence of guilt, or, at least, of proposed criminal imprudence
on her part, and went on still more plainly:

"If you can't exist without Sibley--why, marry him; but see to it
that there is a plenty of priest, altar, and service; for you know,
or you ought to, that he's a man who can't be trusted a hair's
breadth."

She averted her face still farther, and said in a low constrained
tone:

"My family, then, consent that I should marry Mr. Sibley?"

"No; we submit to the marriage as an odious necessity, on condition
that you put the whole matter into your mother's hands and allow
her to arrange everything according to society's requirements."

"Please let me understand you," she said in a lower voice. "My
family offer to submit to the marriage as a dire necessity lest my
relations with Mr. Sibley cover them with a deeper shame?"

"Well, in plain English, yes."

"It is indeed extraordinarily plain English--brutally plain. And
does--does Mr. Van Berg share in your estimate of me?"

Her manner and words began to puzzle Stanton, and he remembered
the artist's question--"Are you absolutely sure that Sibley is the
cause of her trouble?" He thought that perhaps it might be good
policy to contrast the two men.

"To be frank," he replied, "I think Mr. Van Berg has both wished
and tried to think well of you. He admired your beauty immensely,
and sought to find something in your character that corresponded with
it. Even after your studied rudeness to him, your open preference
of Sibley's society to his, and your remark explaining your course,
'congenial society or none at all'" (Ida fairly groaned as he
recalled her folly), "he tried to treat you politely. That you
should refuse the society of a gentleman like my friend for the
sake of such a low fellow as Sibley, is to us all a disgusting and
fathomless mystery. The belief that you could throw yourself and
your rare beauty into this abominable slough, was so revolting to
Van Berg, that he never would wholly accept of it until to-day."

She rose to her feet and turned upon him. Her eyes were fairly
blazing with indignation, and her face was white and terrible
from her anger. In tones such as he had never heard any woman use
before, she said:

"But to-day you have succeeded in satisfying him that this is not
only possible, but the most natural thing for me to do. You have
told him that my family will submit to my marriage with a loathsome
wretch, who got drunk in the presence of ladies, insulted an orphan
girl, and attempted murder--and all in one Sunday afternoon. I
suppose you thought me captivated, and carried away by such a burst
and blaze of villainy; and so my high-toned family explain to the
faultless and aristocratic Mr. Van Berg that they will submit to
an odious marriage lest I clandestinely follow the scoundrel who
was very properly driven away, like the base cur he is. This is
why you received me to-night as if I were a pestilence. This is
why I was treated at the table as if I were a death's head. This
is why your perfect friend looked towards me as if my chair
were vacant. He refused even to recognize the existence of such
a loathsome thing as my family explain to him that I am. Great
heaven! may I never live to receive a deeper humiliation than this!"

"But, Ida," cried Stanton, deeply alarmed and agitated by her manner,
"how else could we explain your action and your reckless words to
your mother?"

"Oh, I admit that circumstances are against me, but there is no
excuse for this outrage! I don't know what I did say to mother.
I've been too wretched and discouraged to remember. She IS my
mother, and I'll say nothing against her, though, heaven knows,
she has been a strange mother to me. Would to God I had a father
that I could go to, or a brother! But it seems I have not a friend
in the great, scornful world. Don't interrupt me. Words count
for nothing now, and mine least of all. If you were all ready to
believe me capable of what you have plainly intimated, you need
something stronger than words to convince you to the contrary. Of
one thing I shall make sure--you and your faithless friend shall
never have the chance to insult me again. I wish you to leave my
room."

"Oh come, Ida, listen to reason," Stanton began coaxingly.

"I admitted you," she interrupted with a repellant gesture, "in
the hope of receiving a little kindness, for which I was famishing,
but I would rather you had stabbed me than have said what you have.
Hush, not a word more. The brutal wrong has been done. Will you
not go? This is my private apartment. I command you to leave
it; and if you will not obey I will summon Mr. Burleigh;" and she
placed her hand on the bell.

Her manner was at once so commanding and threatening that Stanton,
with a gesture of deprecation and protest, silently obeyed.

He was so surprised and unnerved by the interview in which the
maiden had turned upon him with a fiery indignation that was almost
volcanic, that he wished to think the affair all over and regain
his composure before meeting any one. Clearly they had failed to
understand Ida of late, and had misjudged her utterly. And yet,
guided by appearances, he felt that they could scarcely have come
to any other conclusion.

Now that he had been jostled out of his preoccupation, he began to
realize that Ida had not appeared of late like the frivolous girl
that had accompanied him to the country. Changes were taking
place in her as well as in himself, "but not from the same cause,"
he thought. "After her words and manner to-night, I cannot doubt
that Sibley has disgusted her as well as the rest of us, although
she had a strange way of showing it. It cannot be that a woman
would speak of a man for whom she had any regard, as Ida did of
the wretch with whom we were associating her; and as for Van Berg,
she has taken no pains to conceal her strong dislike for him from
the first day of their meeting. I can't think of anyone else at
present (although there might be a score) who is disturbing the
shallow waters of her mind.

"I'm inclined to think that she is deeply mortified at the false
position in which Sibley has placed her, and is too proud to make
explanations. It may be also that she is realizing more fully the
disgrace of her father's course, and it is also possible that she
is waking up to a sense of her own deficiencies. Although she
could not fail to dislike such people as Jennie Burton and Van Berg,
she would be apt to contrast herself with them and the impression
which she and they made on society. Confound it all! I wish I had
not taken it for granted that she was pining for Sibley and ready
to throw herself away for his sake. It has placed me in a deucedly
awkward position. I doubt if she ever fully forgives me, and I
can't blame her if she doesn't."

"Well?" said Mrs. Mayhew, as Stanton moodily approached her.

"Come with me," he said. When they were alone he prefaced his
story with the irritable remark:

"It's a pity you can't understand your daughter better. She detests
Sibley."

"Thank heaven for that," exclaimed the mother.

"I should be more inclined to thank both heaven and yourself if
you had discovered the fact before sending me on such an intensely
disagreeable mission. You must manage your daughter yourself
hereafter, for she'll never take anything more from me;" and he told
her substantially the nature of his interview, and his surmises as
to the real causes of her trouble.

"I think you are right," said Mrs. Mayhew, whose impressions were
as changeable as superficial; "and I'm excessively glad to think so.
With her beauty, Ida can, in spite of her father, make a brilliant
match, in every sense of the word;" and with the prospect of this
supreme consummation of life regained, the wife and mother gave a
sigh of great relief.

"But she's in an awful mood, I can tell you," said Stanton, dubiously.
"I never knew a woman to look and speak as she did to-night. If
you don't manage better she'll make us trouble yet."

"Oh, I'm used to Ida's tantrums. They don't last. Nothing does
with her. Time and another admirer will bring her around."

"Well, you ought to know," said Stanton with a shrug; "but I retire
from the management. I can't help saying, however, that something
in her looks and words makes me uneasy. I regret exceedingly I
spoke as I did, and shall apologize at the first opportunity."

"You'll have that in the morning. Things are so much better than
I feared that I am greatly relieved. She'll come around now if
nothing more is said. Roiled water always settles when kept quiet;"
and Mrs. Mayhew returned to the parlor in much better spirits.

Stanton followed his aunt and joined a small group that had gathered
around Miss Burton. Van Berg gave him a quick, questioning look,
but gathered the impression only that he had been subjected to a
very painful interview.

"She has evidently realized his worst fears," he thought; "curses
on her!" and his face grew fairly black for a moment with anger
and disgust.

But Jennie Burton's silver tongue soon charmed away the evil spirits
from both the young men.

She had fine conversation powers, and her keen intuition and her
controlling passion to give pleasure enabled her to detect and draw
out the best thoughts of others. Her evident sympathy put every
one at ease, and gave people the power of such happy expression
that they were surprised at themselves, and led to believe that
they not only received but gave something better than average.
Therefore, under the magic of her good-will, both eyes and minds
kindled, and even common-place persons became almost brilliant and
eloquent.

Stanton's was the only clouded face in her circle that evening; and
true to her instinct, she set about banishing his trouble, whatever
it might be--an easy task with her power over him.

Since it daily became more evident to her that she must wound his
vanity, and perhaps his heart a little, she tried to make amends by
showing him such public consideration as might rob his disappointment
of humiliation and bitterness.

Stanton, therefore, soon forgot Ida's desperate face, and was
enjoying himself at his best.

Yet Ida's face but faintly revealed her heart. It seemed that the
end had now come in very truth, and she was conscious chiefly of
a wild impulse to escape from her shame and suffering. There was
also a bitter sense of wrong and a wish to retaliate.

"I'll teach them all a lesson," she muttered, as she paced her room
swiftly to and fro. "This proud artist thinks he can look at me as
if I were empty air; that he can forget me as he has the rose-bud
he tossed away. I will insure that he looks at me once with
a face as white as mine will then be, and that he remembers me to
his dying day."

After becoming more calm, and as if acting under a sudden impulse,
she hastily made a simple but singular toilet.

When completed, her mirror reflected a plain, close-fitting, black
gown, which left her neck and arms bare. Around her white throat
she placed a black velvet band, and joined it by a small jet poniard
studded with diamonds. Her sunny hair was wound into a severely
simple coil, and also fastened with a larger poniard, from the haft
and guard of which glistened diamonds of peculiar brilliancy. She
took off all her rings, and wore no other ornaments. Then taking
from her table a book, bearing conspicuously as its title the word
"Misjudged," she went down to the parlor.

She paused a moment on the threshold before she was noticed. Her
mother was eagerly gossiping with two or three fashionable
women about a scandal that she hoped might cause her own family's
short-comings to be forgotten in part. Miss Burton was telling a
story in her own inimitable style, and ripples of smiles and laughter
eddied from her constantly. Stanton's and Van Berg's faces were
aglow with pleasure, and it was plain the speaker absorbed all
their thoughts.

"In the same way he will forget me, after I am dead," said the
unhappy girl to herself, and the thought sent a colder chill to
her heart, and a deeper pallor to her face.

Her gaze seemed to draw his, for he looked up suddenly. On
recognizing her his first impulse was to coldly avert his eyes,
but in a second her unusual appearance riveted his attention. She
saw the impulse, however, and would not look towards him again. She
entered as quietly and as unexpectedly as a ghost, and the people
seemed as much surprised and perplexed as if she were a ghost.

She took a seat somewhat apart from all others, and apparently
commenced reading. She was not so far away but that Van Berg could
decipher the title, "Misjudged," and having made out the significant
word, its letters grew luminous like the diamonds in her hair.

Never before had he been so impressed by her beauty, and yet there
was an element in it which made him shiver with a dread he could
not explain to himself. He was surprised and shocked to find how
pale and wan her face had become, but in every severe marble curve
of her features he saw the word, "Misjudged." He could scarcely
recognize her as the blooming girl that he had first seen in the
concert garden. Suffering, trouble of mind, was evidently the dark
magician that was thus transforming her; but why did she suffer so
deeply? As she sat there before him, not only his deeper instincts,
but his reason refused almost indignantly to associate her any
longer with Sibley. There was a time when she seemed akin to him;
but now she suggested deep trouble, despair, death even, rather
than a gross "bon vivant." Was she ill! Yes, evidently, but he
doubted if her malady had physical causes.

"What a very strange toilet she has made!" he thought; "simple and
plain to the last degree, and yet singularly effective and striking.
Her fingers were once loaded with rings, but she has taken them all
off, and now her hands are as perfect as her features. She does
not wear a single ornament, save those ominous poniards. Does she
mean to signify by these that she is wounded, or that she proposes
to inflict wounds? Ye gods! how strangely, terribly, exasperatingly
beautiful she is! I have certainly both misjudged and misunderstood
her."

These thoughts passed through his mind as he stole an occasional
glance at their object, who sat with her profile towards him almost
in the line of his vision. At the same time he was apparently
listening to a prosy and interminable story from one of the group
of which he was a member. They had been telling anecdotes of travel,
and the last speaker's experience was, like his journey, long and
uninteresting.

Van Berg soon observed that many others besides himself were observing
Miss Mayhew. She seemed to fascinate, perplex, and trouble all
who looked towards her. The singular beauty and striking toilet
might account, in part, for the lingering glances, but not for the
perplexity and uneasiness they caused. If Ida had been dead her
features could not have been more colorless; and they had a stern,
hard, desperate expression that was sadly out of harmony with what
should be the appearance of a happy young girl.

Her presence seemed to cause an increasing chill and restraint.
The healthful and normal minds of those about her grew vaguely
conscious of another mind that had been deeply moved, shaken to
its foundations, and so had become almost abnormal and dangerous
in its impulses.

There is a very general tendency both to observe and to shrink
from that which is unnatural, and if the departure from what is
customary is shown in unexpected and unusual mental action, the
stronger become the uneasiness and dread in those who witness it.
All who saw Ida recognized that she was not only unlike herself,
but unlike any one in an ordinary state of mind, and people who were
intimate looked at each other significantly, as if to ask--"What
is the matter with Miss Mayhew? What is the matter with us all?"

Were it not that the maiden occasionally turned a leaf, in order
to keep up the illusion that she was reading, she might have been
a statue, so motionless was her form, and so pallid her face.
But she felt that she was perplexing and troubling those who had
wounded her, and the consciousness gave secret satisfaction. Her
past experience taught her to appreciate stage effect, and, since
she meditated a tragedy, she proposed that everything should be as
tragic and blood-curdling as possible.

There is usually but a short step between high tragedy and painful
absurdity, which exasperates us while we laugh at it; but poor
Ida's thoughts were so desperately dark and despairing, and her
exquisite features, made almost transparent by grief and fasting,
so perfectly interpreted her unfeigned wretchedness, that even those
who knew her but slightly were touched and troubled in a way that
they could not explain even to themselves.

Miss Burton was evidently meditating how she could approach Ida,
who seemed encased in a repellant atmosphere. Van Berg saw that
Stanton looked anxious and perplexed, and that Mrs. Mayhew was
exceedingly worried and annoyed. At last he hastily approached
her daughter and whispered,

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