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Gideon Wurdz - "The Foolish Dictionary"

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Michael S. Hart - "A Brief History of the Internet"

Arthur Conan Doyle - "Round The Red Lamp"

The Emerald City of Oz

L >> L. Frank Baum >> The Emerald City of Oz




"Don't be afraid," she said to them. "You are now in the Land of Oz,
where you are to live always, and be comfer'ble an' happy. You'll
never have to worry over anything again, 'cause there won't be
anything to worry about. And you owe it all to the kindness of my
friend Princess Ozma."

Here she led them before the throne and continued:

"Your Highness, this is Uncle Henry. And this is Aunt Em. They want
to thank you for bringing them here from Kansas."

Aunt Em tried to "slick" her hair, and she hid the dish-towel and dish
under her apron while she bowed to the lovely Ozma. Uncle Henry took
off his straw hat and held it awkwardly in his hands.

But the Ruler of Oz rose and came from her throne to greet her newly
arrived guests, and she smiled as sweetly upon them as if they had
been a king and queen.

"You are very welcome here, where I have brought you for Princess
Dorothy's sake," she said, graciously, "and I hope you will be quite
happy in your new home." Then she turned to her courtiers, who were
silently and gravely regarding the scene, and added: "I present to my
people our Princess Dorothy's beloved Uncle Henry and Aunt Em, who
will hereafter be subjects of our kingdom. It will please me to have
you show them every kindness and honor in your power, and to join me
in making them happy and contented."

Hearing this, all those assembled bowed low and respectfully to the
old farmer and his wife, who bobbed their own heads in return.

"And now," said Ozma to them, "Dorothy will show you the rooms
prepared for you. I hope you will like them, and shall expect you to
join me at luncheon."

So Dorothy led her relatives away, and as soon as they were out of the
Throne Room and alone in the corridor, Aunt Em squeezed Dorothy's hand
and said:

"Child, child! How in the world did we ever get here so quick? And
is it all real? And are we to stay here, as she says? And what does
it all mean, anyhow?"

Dorothy laughed.

"Why didn't you tell us what you were goin' to do?" inquired Uncle Henry,
reproachfully. "If I'd known about it, I'd 'a put on my Sunday clothes."

"I'll 'splain ever'thing as soon as we get to your rooms," promised
Dorothy. "You're in great luck, Uncle Henry and Aunt Em; an' so am I!
And oh! I'm so happy to have got you here, at last!"

As he walked by the little girl's side, Uncle Henry stroked his
whiskers thoughtfully. "'Pears to me, Dorothy, we won't make bang-up
fairies," he remarked.

"An' my back hair looks like a fright!" wailed Aunt Em.

"Never mind," returned the little girl, reassuringly. "You won't have
anything to do now but to look pretty, Aunt Em; an' Uncle Henry won't
have to work till his back aches, that's certain."

"Sure?" they asked, wonderingly, and in the same breath.

"Course I'm sure," said Dorothy. "You're in the Fairyland of Oz, now;
an' what's more, you belong to it!"



6. How Guph Visited the Whimsies


The new General of the Nome King's army knew perfectly well that to
fail in his plans meant death for him. Yet he was not at all anxious
or worried. He hated every one who was good and longed to make all who
were happy unhappy. Therefore he had accepted this dangerous position
as General quite willingly, feeling sure in his evil mind that he would
be able to do a lot of mischief and finally conquer the Land of Oz.

Yet Guph determined to be careful, and to lay his plans well, so as
not to fail. He argued that only careless people fail in what they
attempt to do.

The mountains underneath which the Nome King's extensive caverns were
located lay grouped just north of the Land of Ev, which lay directly
across the deadly desert to the east of the Land of Oz. As the
mountains were also on the edge of the desert the Nome King found
that he had only to tunnel underneath the desert to reach Ozma's
dominions. He did not wish his armies to appear above ground in the
Country of the Winkies, which was the part of the Land of Oz nearest
to King Roquat's own country, as then the people would give the alarm
and enable Ozma to fortify the Emerald City and assemble an army. He
wanted to take all the Oz people by surprise; so he decided to run the
tunnel clear through to the Emerald City, where he and his hosts could
break through the ground without warning and conquer the people before
they had time to defend themselves.

Roquat the Red began work at once upon his tunnel, setting a thousand
miners at the task and building it high and broad enough for his
armies to march through it with ease. The Nomes were used to making
tunnels, as all the kingdom in which they lived was under ground; so
they made rapid progress.

While this work was going on General Guph started out alone to visit
the Chief of the Whimsies.

These Whimsies were curious people who lived in a retired country of
their own. They had large, strong bodies, but heads so small that
they were no bigger than door-knobs. Of course, such tiny heads could
not contain any great amount of brains, and the Whimsies were so
ashamed of their personal appearance and lack of commonsense that
they wore big heads made of pasteboard, which they fastened over their
own little heads. On these pasteboard heads they sewed sheep's wool
for hair, and the wool was colored many tints--pink, green and
lavender being the favorite colors. The faces of these false heads
were painted in many ridiculous ways, according to the whims of the
owners, and these big, burly creatures looked so whimsical and absurd
in their queer masks that they were called "Whimsies." They foolishly
imagined that no one would suspect the little heads that were inside
the imitation ones, not knowing that it is folly to try to appear
otherwise than as nature has made us.

The Chief of the Whimsies had as little wisdom as the others, and had
been chosen chief merely because none among them was any wiser or more
capable of ruling. The Whimsies were evil spirits and could not be
killed. They were hated and feared by every one and were known as
terrible fighters because they were so strong and muscular and had not
sense enough to know when they were defeated.

General Guph thought the Whimsies would be a great help to the Nomes
in the conquest of Oz, for under his leadership they could be induced
to fight as long so they could stand up. So he traveled to their
country and asked to see the Chief, who lived in a house that had a
picture of his grotesque false head painted over the doorway.

The Chief's false head had blue hair, a turned-up nose, and a mouth
that stretched half across the face. Big green eyes had been painted
upon it, but in the center of the chin were two small holes made in
the pasteboard, so that the Chief could see through them with his own
tiny eyes; for when the big head was fastened upon his shoulders the
eyes in his own natural head were on a level with the false chin.

Said General Guph to the Chief of the Whimsies:

"We Nomes are going to conquer the Land of Oz and capture our King's
Magic Belt, which the Oz people stole from him. Then we are going
to plunder and destroy the whole country. And we want the Whimsies
to help us."

"Will there be any fighting?" asked the Chief.

"Plenty," replied Guph.

That must have pleased the Chief, for he got up and danced around the
room three times. Then he seated himself again, adjusted his false
head, and said:

"We have no quarrel with Ozma of Oz."

"But you Whimsies love to fight, and here is a splendid chance to do
so," urged Guph.

"Wait till I sing a song," said the Chief. Then he lay back in his
chair and sang a foolish song that did not seem to the General to mean
anything, although he listened carefully. When he had finished, the
Chief Whimsie looked at him through the holes in his chin and asked:

"What reward will you give us if we help you?"

The General was prepared for this question, for he had been thinking
the matter over on his journey. People often do a good deed without
hope of reward, but for an evil deed they always demand payment.

"When we get our Magic Belt," he made reply, "our King, Roquat the
Red, will use its power to give every Whimsie a natural head as big
and fine as the false head he now wears. Then you will no longer be
ashamed because your big strong bodies have such teenty-weenty heads."

"Oh! Will you do that?" asked the Chief, eagerly.

"We surely will," promised the General.

"I'll talk to my people," said the Chief.

So he called a meeting of all the Whimsies and told them of the offer
made by the Nomes. The creatures were delighted with the bargain, and
at once agreed to fight for the Nome King and help him to conquer Oz.

One Whimsie alone seemed to have a glimmer of sense, for he asked:

"Suppose we fail to capture the Magic Belt? What will happen then,
and what good will all our fighting do?"

But they threw him into the river for asking foolish questions, and
laughed when the water ruined his pasteboard head before he could swim
out again.

So the compact was made and General Guph was delighted with his
success in gaining such powerful allies.

But there were other people, too, just as important as the Whimsies,
whom the clever old Nome had determined to win to his side.



7. How Aunt Em Conquered the Lion


"These are your rooms," said Dorothy, opening a door.

Aunt Em drew back at the sight of the splendid furniture and draperies.

"Ain't there any place to wipe my feet?" she asked.

"You will soon change your slippers for new shoes," replied Dorothy.
"Don't be afraid, Aunt Em. Here is where you are to live, so walk
right in and make yourself at home."

Aunt Em advanced hesitatingly.

"It beats the Topeka Hotel!" she cried admiringly. "But this place is
too grand for us, child. Can't we have some back room in the attic,
that's more in our class?"

"No," said Dorothy. "You've got to live here, 'cause Ozma says so.
And all the rooms in this palace are just as fine as these, and some
are better. It won't do any good to fuss, Aunt Em. You've got to be
swell and high-toned in the Land of Oz, whether you want to or not;
so you may as well make up your mind to it."

"It's hard luck," replied her aunt, looking around with an awed
expression; "but folks can get used to anything, if they try.
Eh, Henry?"

"Why, as to that," said Uncle Henry, slowly, "I b'lieve in takin'
what's pervided us, an' askin' no questions. I've traveled some, Em,
in my time, and you hain't; an' that makes a difference atween us."

Then Dorothy showed them through the rooms. The first was a handsome
sitting-room, with windows opening upon the rose gardens. Then came
separate bedrooms for Aunt Em and Uncle Henry, with a fine bathroom
between them. Aunt Em had a pretty dressing room, besides, and Dorothy
opened the closets and showed several exquisite costumes that had been
provided for her aunt by the royal dressmakers, who had worked all
night to get them ready. Everything that Aunt Em could possibly need
was in the drawers and closets, and her dressing-table was covered
with engraved gold toilet articles.

Uncle Henry had nine suits of clothes, cut in the popular Munchkin
fashion, with knee-breeches, silk stockings, and low shoes with
jeweled buckles. The hats to match these costumes had pointed tops
and wide brims with small gold bells around the edges. His shirts
were of fine linen with frilled bosoms, and his vests were richly
embroidered with colored silks.

Uncle Henry decided that he would first take a bath and then dress
himself in a blue satin suit that had caught his fancy. He accepted
his good fortune with calm composure and refused to have a servant to
assist him. But Aunt Em was "all of a flutter," as she said, and it
took Dorothy and Jellia Jamb, the housekeeper, and two maids a long
time to dress her and do up her hair and get her "rigged like a
popinjay," as she quaintly expressed it. She wanted to stop and admire
everything that caught her eye, and she sighed continually and declared
that such finery was too good for an old country woman, and that she
never thought she would have to "put on airs" at her time of life.

Finally she was dressed, and when she went into the sitting-room
there was Uncle Henry in his blue satin, walking gravely up and down
the room. He had trimmed his beard and mustache and looked very
dignified and respectable.

"Tell me, Dorothy," he said; "do all the men here wear duds like these?"

"Yes," she replied; "all 'cept the Scarecrow and the Shaggy Man--and
of course the Tin Woodman and Tiktok, who are made of metal. You'll
find all the men at Ozma's court dressed just as you are--only perhaps
a little finer."

"Henry, you look like a play-actor," announced Aunt Em, looking at her
husband critically.

"An' you, Em, look more highfalutin' than a peacock," he replied.

"I guess you're right," she said regretfully; "but we're helpless
victims of high-toned royalty."

Dorothy was much amused.

"Come with me," she said, "and I'll show you 'round the palace."

She took them through the beautiful rooms and introduced them to all
the people they chanced to meet. Also she showed them her own pretty
rooms, which were not far from their own.

"So it's all true," said Aunt Em, wide-eyed with amazement, "and what
Dorothy told us of this fairy country was plain facts instead of dreams!
But where are all the strange creatures you used to know here?"

"Yes, where's the Scarecrow?" inquired Uncle Henry.

"Why, he's just now away on a visit to the Tin Woodman, who is Emp'ror
of the Winkie Country," answered the little girl. "You'll see him
when he comes back, and you're sure to like him."

"And where's the Wonderful Wizard?" asked Aunt Em.

"You'll see him at Ozma's luncheon, for he lives here in this palace,"
was the reply.

"And Jack Pumpkinhead?"

"Oh, he lives a little way out of town, in his own pumpkin field.
We'll go there some time and see him, and we'll call on Professor
Wogglebug, too. The Shaggy Man will be at the luncheon, I guess, and
Tiktok. And now I'll take you out to see Billina, who has a house of
her own."

So they went into the back yard, and after walking along winding paths
some distance through the beautiful gardens they came to an attractive
little house where the Yellow Hen sat on the front porch sunning herself.

"Good morning, my dear Mistress," called Billina, fluttering down to
meet them. "I was expecting you to call, for I heard you had come
back and brought your uncle and aunt with you."

"We're here for good and all, this time, Billina," cried Dorothy,
joyfully. "Uncle Henry and Aunt Em belong to Oz now as much as I do!"

"Then they are very lucky people," declared Billina; "for there
couldn't be a nicer place to live. But come, my dear; I must show you
all my Dorothys. Nine are living and have grown up to be very
respectable hens; but one took cold at Ozma's birthday party and died
of the pip, and the other two turned out to be horrid roosters, so I
had to change their names from Dorothy to Daniel. They all had the
letter 'D' engraved upon their gold lockets, you remember, with your
picture inside, and 'D' stands for Daniel as well as for Dorothy."

"Did you call both the roosters Daniel?" asked Uncle Henry.

"Yes, indeed. I've nine Dorothys and two Daniels; and the nine
Dorothys have eighty-six sons and daughters and over three hundred
grandchildren," said Billina, proudly.

"What names do you give 'em all, dear?" inquired the little girl.

"Oh, they are all Dorothys and Daniels, some being Juniors and some
Double-Juniors. Dorothy and Daniel are two good names, and I see no
object in hunting for others," declared the Yellow Hen. "But just
think, Dorothy, what a big chicken family we've grown to be, and our
numbers increase nearly every day! Ozma doesn't know what to do with
all the eggs we lay, and we are never eaten or harmed in any way, as
chickens are in your country. They give us everything to make us
contented and happy, and I, my dear, am the acknowledged Queen and
Governor of every chicken in Oz, because I'm the eldest and started the
whole colony."

"You ought to be very proud, ma'am," said Uncle Henry, who was
astonished to hear a hen talk so sensibly.

"Oh, I am," she replied. "I've the loveliest pearl necklace you ever
saw. Come in the house and I'll show it to you. And I've nine leg
bracelets and a diamond pin for each wing. But I only wear them on
state occasions."

They followed the Yellow Hen into the house, which Aunt Em declared
was neat as a pin. They could not sit down, because all Billina's
chairs were roosting-poles made of silver; so they had to stand while
the hen fussily showed them her treasures.

Then they had to go into the back rooms occupied by Billina's nine
Dorothys and two Daniels, who were all plump yellow chickens and
greeted the visitors very politely. It was easy to see that they were
well bred and that Billina had looked after their education.

In the yards were all the children and grandchildren of these eleven
elders and they were of all sizes, from well-grown hens to tiny
chickens just out of the shell. About fifty fluffy yellow youngsters
were at school, being taught good manners and good grammar by a young
hen who wore spectacles. They sang in chorus a patriotic song of the
Land of Oz, in honor of their visitors, and Aunt Em was much impressed
by these talking chickens.

Dorothy wanted to stay and play with the young chickens for awhile,
but Uncle Henry and Aunt Em had not seen the palace grounds and
gardens yet and were eager to get better acquainted with the marvelous
and delightful land in which they were to live.

"I'll stay here, and you can go for a walk," said Dorothy. "You'll be
perfec'ly safe anywhere, and may do whatever you want to. When you
get tired, go back to the palace and find your rooms, and I'll come to
you before luncheon is ready."

So Uncle Henry and Aunt Em started out alone to explore the grounds,
and Dorothy knew that they couldn't get lost, because all the palace
grounds were enclosed by a high wall of green marble set with emeralds.

It was a rare treat to these simple folk, who had lived in the country
all their lives and known little enjoyment of any sort, to wear
beautiful clothes and live in a palace and be treated with respect and
consideration by all around them. They were very happy indeed as they
strolled up the shady walks and looked upon the gorgeous flowers and
shrubs, feeling that their new home was more beautiful than any tongue
could describe.

Suddenly, as they turned a corner and walked through a gap in a high
hedge, they came face to face with an enormous Lion, which crouched
upon the green lawn and seemed surprised by their appearance.

They stopped short, Uncle Henry trembling with horror and Aunt Em too
terrified to scream. Next moment the poor woman clasped her husband
around the neck and cried:

"Save me, Henry, save me!"

"Can't even save myself, Em," he returned, in a husky voice, "for the
animile looks as if it could eat both of us an' lick its chops for
more! If I only had a gun--"

"Haven't you, Henry? Haven't you?" she asked anxiously.

"Nary gun, Em. So let's die as brave an' graceful as we can. I knew
our luck couldn't last!"

"I won't die. I won't be eaten by a lion!" wailed Aunt Em, glaring
upon the huge beast. Then a thought struck her, and she whispered,
"Henry, I've heard as savage beastses can be conquered by the human
eye. I'll eye that lion out o' countenance an' save our lives."

"Try it, Em," he returned, also in a whisper. "Look at him as you do
at me when I'm late to dinner."

Aunt Em turned upon the Lion a determined countenance and a wild dilated
eye. She glared at the immense beast steadily, and the Lion, who had
been quietly blinking at them, began to appear uneasy and disturbed.

"Is anything the matter, ma'am?" he asked, in a mild voice.

At this speech from the terrible beast Aunt Em and Uncle Henry both
were startled, and then Uncle Henry remembered that this must be the
Lion they had seen in Ozma's Throne Room.

"Hold on, Em!" he exclaimed. "Quit the eagle eye conquest an'
take courage. I guess this is the same Cowardly Lion Dorothy
has told us about."

"Oh, is it?" she cried, much relieved.

"When he spoke, I got the idea; and when he looked so 'shamed like, I
was sure of it," Uncle Henry continued.

Aunt Em regarded the animal with new interest.

"Are you the Cowardly Lion?" she inquired. "Are you Dorothy's friend?"

"Yes'm," answered the Lion, meekly. "Dorothy and I are old chums and
are very fond of each other. I'm the King of Beasts, you know, and
the Hungry Tiger and I serve Princess Ozma as her body guards."

"To be sure," said Aunt Em, nodding. "But the King of Beasts
shouldn't be cowardly."

"I've heard that said before," remarked the Lion, yawning till he
showed two great rows of sharp white teeth; "but that does not keep
me from being frightened whenever I go into battle."

"What do you do, run?" asked Uncle Henry.

"No; that would be foolish, for the enemy would run after me,"
declared the Lion. "So I tremble with fear and pitch in as hard as I
can; and so far I have always won my fight."

"Ah, I begin to understand," said Uncle Henry.

"Were you scared when I looked at you just now?" inquired Aunt Em.

"Terribly scared, madam," answered the Lion, "for at first I thought
you were going to have a fit. Then I noticed you were trying to
overcome me by the power of your eye, and your glance was so fierce
and penetrating that I shook with fear."

This greatly pleased the lady, and she said quite cheerfully:

"Well, I won't hurt you, so don't be scared any more. I just wanted
to see what the human eye was good for."

"The human eye is a fearful weapon," remarked the Lion, scratching his
nose softly with his paw to hide a smile. "Had I not known you were
Dorothy's friends I might have torn you both into shreds in order to
escape your terrible gaze."

Aunt Em shuddered at hearing this, and Uncle Henry said hastily:

"I'm glad you knew us. Good morning, Mr. Lion; we'll hope to see you
again--by and by--some time in the future."

"Good morning," replied the Lion, squatting down upon the lawn again.
"You are likely to see a good deal of me, if you live in the Land of Oz."



8. How the Grand Gallipoot Joined The Nomes


After leaving the Whimsies, Guph continued on his journey and
penetrated far into the Northwest. He wanted to get to the Country of
the Growleywogs, and in order to do that he must cross the Ripple
Land, which was a hard thing to do. For the Ripple Land was a
succession of hills and valleys, all very steep and rocky, and they
changed places constantly by rippling. While Guph was climbing a
hill it sank down under him and became a valley, and while he was
descending into a valley it rose up and carried him to the top of a
hill. This was very perplexing to the traveler, and a stranger might
have thought he could never cross the Ripple Land at all. But Guph
knew that if he kept steadily on he would get to the end at last; so
he paid no attention to the changing hills and valleys and plodded
along as calmly as if walking upon the level ground.

The result of this wise persistence was that the General finally
reached firmer soil and, after penetrating a dense forest, came to the
Dominion of the Growleywogs.

No sooner had he crossed the border of this domain when two guards
seized him and carried him before the Grand Gallipoot of the
Growleywogs, who scowled upon him ferociously and asked him why he
dared intrude upon his territory.

"I'm the Lord High General of the Invincible Army of the Nomes, and my
name is Guph," was the reply. "All the world trembles when that name
is mentioned."

The Growleywogs gave a shout of jeering laughter at this, and one of
them caught the Nome in his strong arms and tossed him high into the
air. Guph was considerably shaken when he fell upon the hard ground,
but he appeared to take no notice of the impertinence and composed
himself to speak again to the Grand Gallipoot.

"My master, King Roquat the Red, has sent me here to confer with you.
He wishes your assistance to conquer the Land of Oz."

Here the General paused, and the Grand Gallipoot scowled upon him more
terribly than ever and said:

"Go on!"

The voice of the Grand Gallipoot was partly a roar and partly a growl.
He mumbled his words badly and Guph had to listen carefully in order
to understand him.

These Growleywogs were certainly remarkable creatures. They were of
gigantic size, yet were all bone and skin and muscle, there being no
meat or fat upon their bodies at all. Their powerful muscles lay just
underneath their skins, like bunches of tough rope, and the weakest
Growleywog was so strong that he could pick up an elephant and toss it
seven miles away.

It seems unfortunate that strong people are usually so disagreeable
and overbearing that no one cares for them. In fact, to be different
from your fellow creatures is always a misfortune. The Growleywogs
knew that they were disliked and avoided by every one, so they had
become surly and unsociable even among themselves. Guph knew that
they hated all people, including the Nomes; but he hoped to win them
over, nevertheless, and knew that if he succeeded they would afford
him very powerful assistance.

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