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Dinah Maria Mulock (Mrs. Craik) - "John Halifax, Gentleman"

Arthur Conan Doyle - "The Parasite"

Charles Dickens - "The Pickwick Papers"

Samuel Butler - "God the Known and God the Unknown"

The Emerald City of Oz

L >> L. Frank Baum >> The Emerald City of Oz





"Tents of canvas, white as snow,
Let me see how fast you grow!"


Then, lo and behold! the handkerchiefs became tiny tents, and as the
travelers looked at them the tents grew bigger and bigger until in a
few minutes each one was large enough to contain the entire party.

"This," said the Wizard, pointing to the first tent, "is for the
accommodation of the ladies. Dorothy, you and your Aunt may step
inside and take off your things."

Every one ran to look inside the tent, and they saw two pretty white
beds, all ready for Dorothy and Aunt Em, and a silver roost for
Billina. Rugs were spread upon the grassy floor and some camp chairs
and a table completed the furniture.

"Well, well, well! This beats anything I ever saw or heard of!"
exclaimed Aunt Em, and she glanced at the Wizard almost fearfully, as
if he might be dangerous because of his great powers.

"Oh, Mr. Wizard! How did you manage to do it?" asked Dorothy.

"It's a trick Glinda the Sorceress taught me, and it is much better
magic than I used to practice in Omaha, or when I first came to Oz,"
he answered. "When the good Glinda found I was to live in the Emerald
City always, she promised to help me, because she said the Wizard of Oz
ought really to be a clever Wizard, and not a humbug. So we have been
much together and I am learning so fast that I expect to be able to
accomplish some really wonderful things in time."

"You've done it now!" declared Dorothy. "These tents are just wonderful!"

"But come and see the men's tent," said the Wizard. So they went to
the second tent, which had shaggy edges because it has been made from
the Shaggy Man's handkerchief, and found that completely furnished
also. It contained four neat beds for Uncle Henry, Omby Amby, the
Shaggy Man and the Wizard. Also there was a soft rug for Toto to lie upon.

"The third tent," explained the Wizard, "is our dining room and kitchen."

They visited that next, and found a table and dishes in the dining
tent, with plenty of those things necessary to use in cooking. The
Wizard carried out a big kettle and set it swinging on a crossbar
before the tent. While he was doing this Omby Amby and the Shaggy
Man brought a supply of twigs from the forest and then they built a
fire underneath the kettle.

"Now, Dorothy," said the Wizard, smiling, "I expect you to cook
our supper."

"But there is nothing in the kettle," she cried.

"Are you sure?" inquired the Wizard.

"I didn't see anything put in, and I'm almost sure it was empty when
you brought it out," she replied.

"Nevertheless," said the little man, winking slyly at Uncle Henry,
"you will do well to watch our supper, my dear, and see that it
doesn't boil over."

Then the men took some pails and went into the forest to search for a
spring of water, and while they were gone Aunt Em said to Dorothy:

"I believe the Wizard is fooling us. I saw the kettle myself, and
when he hung it over the fire there wasn't a thing in it but air."

"Don't worry," remarked Billina, confidently, as she nestled in the
grass before the fire. "You'll find something in the kettle when it's
taken off--and it won't be poor, innocent chickens, either."

"Your hen has very bad manners, Dorothy," said Aunt Em, looking
somewhat disdainfully at Billina. "It seems too bad she ever learned
how to talk."

There might have been another unpleasant quarrel between Aunt Em and
Billina had not the men returned just then with their pails filled
with clear, sparkling water. The Wizard told Dorothy that she was a
good cook and he believed their supper was ready.

So Uncle Henry lifted the kettle from the fire and poured its contents
into a big platter which the Wizard held for him. The platter was
fairly heaped with a fine stew, smoking hot, with many kinds of
vegetables and dumplings and a rich, delicious gravy.

The Wizard triumphantly placed the platter upon the table in the
dining tent and then they all sat down in camp chairs to the feast.

There were several other dishes on the table, all carefully covered,
and when the time came to remove these covers they found bread and
butter, cakes, cheese, pickles and fruits--including some of the
luscious strawberries of Oz.

No one ventured to ask a question as to how these things came there.
They contented themselves by eating heartily the good things provided,
and Toto and Billina had their full share, you may be sure. After the
meal was over, Aunt Em whispered to Dorothy:

"That may have been magic food, my dear, and for that reason perhaps
it won't be very nourishing; but I'm willing to say it tasted as good
as anything I ever et." Then she added, in a louder voice: "Who's
going to do the dishes?"

"No one, madam," answered the Wizard. "The dishes have 'done' themselves."

"La sakes!" ejaculated the good lady, holding up her hands in
amazement. For, sure enough, when she looked at the dishes they had a
moment before left upon the table, she found them all washed and dried
and piled up into neat stacks.



15. How Dorothy Happened to Get Lost


It was a beautiful evening, so they drew their camp chairs in a circle
before one of the tents and began to tell stories to amuse themselves
and pass away the time before they went to bed.

Pretty soon a zebra was seen coming out of the forest, and he trotted
straight up to them and said politely:

"Good evening, people."

The zebra was a sleek little animal and had a slender head, a stubby
mane and a paint-brush tail--very like a donkey's. His neatly shaped
white body was covered with regular bars of dark brown, and his hoofs
were delicate as those of a deer.

"Good evening, friend Zebra," said Omby Amby, in reply to the
creature's greeting. "Can we do anything for you?"

"Yes," answered the zebra. "I should like you to settle a dispute
that has long been a bother to me, as to whether there is more water
or land in the world."

"Who are you disputing with?" asked the Wizard.

"With a soft-shell crab," said the zebra. "He lives in a pool where I
go to drink every day, and he is a very impertinent crab, I assure
you. I have told him many times that the land is much greater in
extent than the water, but he will not be convinced. Even this very
evening, when I told him he was an insignificant creature who lived in
a small pool, he asserted that the water was greater and more
important than the land. So, seeing your camp, I decided to ask you to
settle the dispute for once and all, that I may not be further annoyed
by this ignorant crab."

When they had listened to this explanation Dorothy inquired:

"Where is the soft-shell crab?"

"Not far away," replied the zebra. "If you will agree to judge
between us I will run and get him."

"Run along, then," said the little girl.

So the animal pranced into the forest and soon came trotting back to
them. When he drew near they found a soft-shell crab clinging fast
to the stiff hair of the zebra's head, where it held on by one claw.

"Now then, Mr. Crab," said the zebra, "here are the people I told you
about; and they know more than you do, who lives in a pool, and more
than I do, who lives in a forest. For they have been travelers all
over the world, and know every part of it."

"There is more of the world than Oz," declared the crab,
in a stubborn voice.

"That is true," said Dorothy; "but I used to live in Kansas, in the
United States, and I've been to California and to Australia and so
has Uncle Henry."

"For my part," added the Shaggy Man, "I've been to Mexico and Boston
and many other foreign countries."

"And I," said the Wizard, "have been to Europe and Ireland."

"So you see," continued the zebra, addressing the crab, "here are
people of real consequence, who know what they are talking about."

"Then they know there's more water in the world than there is land,"
asserted the crab, in a shrill, petulant voice.

"They know you are wrong to make such an absurd statement, and they will
probably think you are a lobster instead of a crab," retorted the animal.

At this taunt the crab reached out its other claw and seized the
zebra's ear, and the creature gave a cry of pain and began prancing up
and down, trying to shake off the crab, which clung fast.

"Stop pinching!" cried the zebra. "You promised not to pinch if I
would carry you here!"

"And you promised to treat me respectfully," said the crab, letting go
the ear.

"Well, haven't I?" demanded the zebra.

"No; you called me a lobster," said the crab.

"Ladies and gentlemen," continued the zebra, "please pardon my poor
friend, because he is ignorant and stupid, and does not understand.
Also the pinch of his claw is very annoying. So pray tell him that
the world contains more land than water, and when he has heard your
judgment I will carry him back and dump him into his pool, where I
hope he will be more modest in the future."

"But we cannot tell him that," said Dorothy, gravely, "because it
would not be true."

"What!" exclaimed the zebra, in astonishment; "do I hear you aright?"

"The soft-shell crab is correct," declared the Wizard. "There is
considerably more water than there is land in the world."

"Impossible!" protested the zebra. "Why, I can run for days upon the
land, and find but little water."

"Did you ever see an ocean?" asked Dorothy.

"Never," admitted the zebra. "There is no such thing as an ocean in
the Land of Oz."

"Well, there are several oceans in the world," said Dorothy, "and
people sail in ships upon these oceans for weeks and weeks, and never
see a bit of land at all. And the joggerfys will tell you that all
the oceans put together are bigger than all the land put together."

At this the crab began laughing in queer chuckles that reminded
Dorothy of the way Billina sometimes cackled.

"NOW will you give up, Mr. Zebra?" it cried, jeeringly; "now will
you give up?"

The zebra seemed much humbled.

"Of course I cannot read geographys," he said.

"You could take one of the Wizard's School Pills," suggested Billina,
"and that would make you learned and wise without studying."

The crab began laughing again, which so provoked the zebra that he
tried to shake the little creature off. This resulted in more
ear-pinching, and finally Dorothy told them that if they could not
behave they must go back to the forest.

"I'm sorry I asked you to decide this question," said the zebra,
crossly. "So long as neither of us could prove we were right we
quite enjoyed the dispute; but now I can never drink at that pool
again without the soft-shell crab laughing at me. So I must find
another drinking place."

"Do! Do, you ignoramus!" shouted the crab, as loudly as his little
voice would carry. "Rile some other pool with your clumsy hoofs,
and let your betters alone after this!"

Then the zebra trotted back to the forest, bearing the crab with him,
and disappeared amid the gloom of the trees. And as it was now getting
dark the travelers said good night to one another and went to bed.

Dorothy awoke just as the light was beginning to get strong next
morning, and not caring to sleep any later she quietly got out of
bed, dressed herself, and left the tent where Aunt Em was yet
peacefully slumbering.

Outside she noticed Billina busily pecking around to secure bugs or
other food for breakfast, but none of the men in the other tent seemed
awake. So the little girl decided to take a walk in the woods and try
to discover some path or road that they might follow when they again
started upon their journey.

She had reached the edge of the forest when the Yellow Hen came
fluttering along and asked where she was going.

"Just to take a walk, Billina; and maybe I'll find some path,"
said Dorothy.

"Then I'll go along," decided Billina, and scarcely had she spoken
when Toto ran up and joined them.

Toto and the Yellow Hen had become quite friendly by this time,
although at first they did not get along well together. Billina had
been rather suspicious of dogs, and Toto had had an idea that it was
every dog's duty to chase a hen on sight. But Dorothy had talked to
them and scolded them for not being agreeable to one another until
they grew better acquainted and became friends.

I won't say they loved each other dearly, but at least they had
stopped quarreling and now managed to get on together very well.

The day was growing lighter every minute and driving the black shadows
out of the forest; so Dorothy found it very pleasant walking under the
trees. She went some distance in one direction, but not finding a
path, presently turned in a different direction. There was no path
here, either, although she advanced quite a way into the forest,
winding here and there among the trees and peering through the bushes
in an endeavor to find some beaten track.

"I think we'd better go back," suggested the Yellow Hen, after a time.
"The people will all be up by this time and breakfast will be ready."

"Very well," agreed Dorothy. "Let's see--the camp must be over this way."

She had probably made a mistake about that, for after they had gone
far enough to have reached the camp they still found themselves in the
thick of the woods. So the little girl stopped short and looked
around her, and Toto glanced up into her face with his bright little
eyes and wagged his tail as if he knew something was wrong. He
couldn't tell much about direction himself, because he had spent his
time prowling among the bushes and running here and there; nor had
Billina paid much attention to where they were going, being interested
in picking bugs from the moss as they passed along. The Yellow Hen
now turned one eye up toward the little girl and asked:

"Have you forgotten where the camp is, Dorothy?"

"Yes," she admitted; "have you, Billina?"

"I didn't try to remember," returned Billina. "I'd no idea you would
get lost, Dorothy."

"It's the thing we don't expect, Billina, that usually happens,"
observed the girl, thoughtfully. "But it's no use standing here.
Let's go in that direction," pointing a finger at random. "It may be
we'll get out of the forest over there."

So on they went again, but this way the trees were closer together,
and the vines were so tangled that often they tripped Dorothy up.

Suddenly a voice cried sharply:

"Halt!"

At first, Dorothy could see nothing, although she looked around very
carefully. But Billina exclaimed:

"Well, I declare!"

"What is it?" asked the little girl: for Toto began barking at
something, and following his gaze she discovered what it was.

A row of spoons had surrounded the three, and these spoons stood
straight up on their handles and carried swords and muskets. Their
faces were outlined in the polished bowls and they looked very stern
and severe.

Dorothy laughed at the queer things.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"We're the Spoon Brigade," said one.

"In the service of his Majesty King Kleaver," said another.

"And you are our prisoners," said a third.

Dorothy sat down on an old stump and looked at them, her eyes
twinkling with amusement.

"What would happen," she inquired, "if I should set my dog
on your Brigade?"

"He would die," replied one of the spoons, sharply. "One shot from
our deadly muskets would kill him, big as he is."

"Don't risk it, Dorothy," advised the Yellow Hen. "Remember this is
a fairy country, yet none of us three happens to be a fairy."

Dorothy grew sober at this.

"P'raps you're right, Billina," she answered. "But how funny it is,
to be captured by a lot of spoons!"

"I do not see anything very funny about it," declared a spoon. "We're
the regular military brigade of the kingdom."

"What kingdom?" she asked.

"Utensia," said he.

"I never heard of it before," asserted Dorothy. Then she added
thoughtfully, "I don't believe Ozma ever heard of Utensia, either.
Tell me, are you not subjects of Ozma of Oz?"

"We have never heard of her," retorted a spoon. "We are subjects of
King Kleaver, and obey only his orders, which are to bring all
prisoners to him as soon as they are captured. So step lively, my
girl, and march with us, or we may be tempted to cut off a few of your
toes with our swords."

This threat made Dorothy laugh again. She did not believe she was in
any danger; but here was a new and interesting adventure, so she was
willing to be taken to Utensia that she might see what King Kleaver's
kingdom was like.



16. How Dorothy Visited Utensia


There must have been from six to eight dozen spoons in the Brigade,
and they marched away in the shape of a hollow square, with Dorothy,
Billina and Toto in the center of the square. Before they had gone
very far Toto knocked over one of the spoons by wagging his tail, and
then the Captain of the Spoons told the little dog to be more careful,
or he would be punished. So Toto was careful, and the Spoon Brigade
moved along with astonishing swiftness, while Dorothy really had to
walk fast to keep up with it.

By and by they left the woods and entered a big clearing, in which was
the Kingdom of Utensia.

Standing all around the clearing were a good many cookstoves, ranges
and grills, of all sizes and shapes, and besides these there were
several kitchen cabinets and cupboards and a few kitchen tables.
These things were crowded with utensils of all sorts: frying pans,
sauce pans, kettles, forks, knives, basting and soup spoons, nutmeg
graters, sifters, colanders, meat saws, flat irons, rolling pins and
many other things of a like nature.

When the Spoon Brigade appeared with the prisoners a wild shout
arose and many of the utensils hopped off their stoves or their
benches and ran crowding around Dorothy and the hen and the dog.

"Stand back!" cried the Captain, sternly, and he led his captives
through the curious throng until they came before a big range that
stood in the center of the clearing. Beside this range was a butcher
block upon which lay a great cleaver with a keen edge. It rested upon the
flat of its back, its legs were crossed and it was smoking a long pipe.

"Wake up, your Majesty," said the Captain. "Here are prisoners."

Hearing this, King Kleaver sat up and looked at Dorothy sharply.

"Gristle and fat!" he cried. "Where did this girl come from?"

"I found her in the forest and brought her here a prisoner," replied
the Captain.

"Why did you do that?" inquired the King, puffing his pipe lazily.

"To create some excitement," the Captain answered. "It is so quiet
here that we are all getting rusty for want of amusement. For my
part, I prefer to see stirring times."

"Naturally," returned the cleaver, with a nod. "I have always said,
Captain, without a bit of irony, that you are a sterling officer and a
solid citizen, bowled and polished to a degree. But what do you
expect me to do with these prisoners?"

"That is for you to decide," declared the Captain. "You are the King."

"To be sure; to be sure," muttered the cleaver, musingly. "As you say,
we have had dull times since the steel and grindstone eloped and left
us. Command my Counselors and the Royal Courtiers to attend me, as well
as the High Priest and the Judge. We'll then decide what can be done."

The Captain saluted and retired and Dorothy sat down on an overturned
kettle and asked:

"Have you anything to eat in your kingdom?"

"Here! Get up! Get off from me!" cried a faint voice, at which his
Majesty the cleaver said:

"Excuse me, but you're sitting on my friend the Ten-quart Kettle."

Dorothy at once arose, and the kettle turned right side up and looked
at her reproachfully.

"I'm a friend of the King, so no one dares sit on me," said he.

"I'd prefer a chair, anyway," she replied.

"Sit on that hearth," commanded the King.

So Dorothy sat on the hearth-shelf of the big range, and the subjects
of Utensia began to gather around in a large and inquisitive throng.
Toto lay at Dorothy's feet and Billina flew upon the range, which had
no fire in it, and perched there as comfortably as she could.

When all the Counselors and Courtiers had assembled--and these seemed
to include most of the inhabitants of the kingdom--the King rapped on
the block for order and said:

"Friends and Fellow Utensils! Our worthy Commander of the Spoon
Brigade, Captain Dipp, has captured the three prisoners you see before
you and brought them here for--for--I don't know what for. So I ask
your advice how to act in this matter, and what fate I should mete out
to these captives. Judge Sifter, stand on my right. It is your
business to sift this affair to the bottom. High Priest Colender,
stand on my left and see that no one testifies falsely in this matter."

As these two officials took their places, Dorothy asked:

"Why is the colander the High Priest?"

"He's the holiest thing we have in the kingdom," replied King Kleaver.

"Except me," said a sieve. "I'm the whole thing when it comes to holes."

"What we need," remarked the King, rebukingly, "is a wireless sieve. I
must speak to Marconi about it. These old-fashioned sieves talk too
much. Now, it is the duty of the King's Counselors to counsel the
King at all times of emergency, so I beg you to speak out and advise
me what to do with these prisoners."

"I demand that they be killed several times, until they are dead!"
shouted a pepperbox, hopping around very excitedly.

"Compose yourself, Mr. Paprica," advised the King. "Your remarks are
piquant and highly-seasoned, but you need a scattering of commonsense.
It is only necessary to kill a person once to make him dead; but I do
not see that it is necessary to kill this little girl at all."

"I don't, either," said Dorothy.

"Pardon me, but you are not expected to advise me in this matter,"
replied King Kleaver.

"Why not?" asked Dorothy.

"You might be prejudiced in your own favor, and so mislead us," he
said. "Now then, good subjects, who speaks next?"

"I'd like to smooth this thing over, in some way," said a flatiron,
earnestly. "We are supposed to be useful to mankind, you know."

"But the girl isn't mankind! She's womankind!" yelled a corkscrew.

"What do you know about it?" inquired the King.

"I'm a lawyer," said the corkscrew, proudly. "I am accustomed to
appear at the bar."

"But you're crooked," retorted the King, "and that debars you. You
may be a corking good lawyer, Mr. Popp, but I must ask you to
withdraw your remarks."

"Very well," said the corkscrew, sadly; "I see I haven't any pull at
this court."

"Permit me," continued the flatiron, "to press my suit, your Majesty.
I do not wish to gloss over any fault the prisoner may have committed,
if such a fault exists; but we owe her some consideration,
and that's flat!"

"I'd like to hear from Prince Karver," said the King.

At this a stately carvingknife stepped forward and bowed.

"The Captain was wrong to bring this girl here, and she was wrong to
come," he said. "But now that the foolish deed is done let us all
prove our mettle and have a slashing good time."

"That's it! that's it!" screamed a fat choppingknife. "We'll make
mincemeat of the girl and hash of the chicken and sausage of the dog!"

There was a shout of approval at this and the King had to rap again
for order.

"Gentlemen, gentlemen!" he said, "your remarks are somewhat cutting
and rather disjointed, as might be expected from such acute
intellects. But you give me no reasons for your demands."

"See here, Kleaver; you make me tired," said a saucepan, strutting
before the King very impudently. "You're about the worst King that
ever reigned in Utensia, and that's saying a good deal. Why don't you
run things yourself, instead of asking everybody's advice, like the
big, clumsy idiot you are?"

The King sighed.

"I wish there wasn't a saucepan in my kingdom," he said. "You fellows
are always stewing, over something, and every once in a while you slop
over and make a mess of it. Go hang yourself, sir--by the handle--and
don't let me hear from you again."

Dorothy was much shocked by the dreadful language the utensils
employed, and she thought that they must have had very little proper
training. So she said, addressing the King, who seemed very unfit to
rule his turbulent subjects:

"I wish you'd decide my fate right away. I can't stay here all day,
trying to find out what you're going to do with me."

"This thing is becoming a regular broil, and it's time I took part in
it," observed a big gridiron, coming forward.

"What I'd like to know," said a can-opener, in a shrill voice, "is why
the little girl came to our forest anyhow and why she intruded upon
Captain Dipp--who ought to be called Dippy--and who she is, and where
she came from, and where she is going, and why and wherefore and
therefore and when."

"I'm sorry to see, Sir Jabber," remarked the King to the can-opener,
"that you have such a prying disposition. As a matter of fact, all
the things you mention are none of our business."

Having said this the King relighted his pipe, which had gone out.

"Tell me, please, what IS our business?" inquired a potato-masher,
winking at Dorothy somewhat impertinently. "I'm fond of little girls,
myself, and it seems to me she has as much right to wander in the
forest as we have."

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