Captivity and Restoration
M >>
Mrs. Mary Rowlandson >> Captivity and Restoration
The first week of my being among them I hardly ate any thing;
the second week I found my stomach grow very faint for want of
something; and yet it was very hard to get down their filthy
trash; but the third week, though I could think how formerly my
stomach would turn against this or that, and I could starve and
die before I could eat such things, yet they were sweet and
savory to my taste. I was at this time knitting a pair of white
cotton stockings for my mistress; and had not yet wrought upon
a Sabbath day. When the Sabbath came they bade me go to work.
I told them it was the Sabbath day, and desired them to let me
rest, and told them I would do as much more tomorrow; to which
they answered me they would break my face. And here I cannot
but take notice of the strange providence of God in preserving
the heathen. They were many hundreds, old and young, some sick,
and some lame; many had papooses at their backs. The greatest
number at this time with us were squaws, and they traveled with
all they had, bag and baggage, and yet they got over this river
aforesaid; and on Monday they set their wigwams on fire, and
away they went. On that very day came the English army after
them to this river, and saw the smoke of their wigwams, and yet
this river put a stop to them. God did not give them courage or
activity to go over after us. We were not ready for so great a
mercy as victory and deliverance. If we had been God would have
found out a way for the English to have passed this river, as
well as for the Indians with their squaws and children, and all
their luggage. "Oh that my people had hearkened to me, and
Israel had walked in my ways, I should soon have subdued their
enemies, and turned my hand against their adversaries" (Psalm
81.13-14).
The Sixth Remove
On Monday (as I said) they set their wigwams on fire and went
away. It was a cold morning, and before us there was a great
brook with ice on it; some waded through it, up to the knees and
higher, but others went till they came to a beaver dam, and I
amongst them, where through the good providence of God, I did
not wet my foot. I went along that day mourning and lamenting,
leaving farther my own country, and traveling into a vast and
howling wilderness, and I understood something of Lot's wife's
temptation, when she looked back. We came that day to a great
swamp, by the side of which we took up our lodging that night.
When I came to the brow of the hill, that looked toward the
swamp, I thought we had been come to a great Indian town (though
there were none but our own company). The Indians were as thick
as the trees: it seemed as if there had been a thousand
hatchets going at once. If one looked before one there was
nothing but Indians, and behind one, nothing but Indians, and so
on either hand, I myself in the midst, and no Christian soul
near me, and yet how hath the Lord preserved me in safety? Oh
the experience that I have had of the goodness of God, to me and
mine!
The Seventh Remove
After a restless and hungry night there, we had a wearisome time
of it the next day. The swamp by which we lay was, as it were,
a deep dungeon, and an exceeding high and steep hill before it.
Before I got to the top of the hill, I thought my heart and
legs, and all would have broken, and failed me. What, through
faintness and soreness of body, it was a grievous day of travel
to me. As we went along, I saw a place where English cattle had
been. That was comfort to me, such as it was. Quickly after
that we came to an English path, which so took with me, that I
thought I could have freely lyen down and died. That day, a
little after noon, we came to Squakeag, where the Indians
quickly spread themselves over the deserted English fields,
gleaning what they could find. Some picked up ears of wheat
that were crickled down; some found ears of Indian corn; some
found ground nuts, and others sheaves of wheat that were frozen
together in the shock, and went to threshing of them out.
Myself got two ears of Indian corn, and whilst I did but turn my
back, one of them was stolen from me, which much troubled me.
There came an Indian to them at that time with a basket of horse
liver. I asked him to give me a piece. "What," says he, "can
you eat horse liver?" I told him, I would try, if he would give
a piece, which he did, and I laid it on the coals to roast. But
before it was half ready they got half of it away from me, so
that I was fain to take the rest and eat it as it was, with the
blood about my mouth, and yet a savory bit it was to me: "For
to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet." A solemn sight
methought it was, to see fields of wheat and Indian corn
forsaken and spoiled and the remainders of them to be food for
our merciless enemies. That night we had a mess of wheat for
our supper.
The Eighth Remove
On the morrow morning we must go over the river, i.e.
Connecticut, to meet with King Philip. Two canoes full they had
carried over; the next turn I myself was to go. But as my foot
was upon the canoe to step in there was a sudden outcry among
them, and I must step back, and instead of going over the river,
I must go four or five miles up the river farther northward.
Some of the Indians ran one way, and some another. The cause of
this rout was, as I thought, their espying some English scouts,
who were thereabout. In this travel up the river about noon the
company made a stop, and sat down; some to eat, and others to
rest them. As I sat amongst them, musing of things past, my son
Joseph unexpectedly came to me. We asked of each other's
welfare, bemoaning our doleful condition, and the change that
had come upon us. We had husband and father, and children, and
sisters, and friends, and relations, and house, and home, and
many comforts of this life: but now we may say, as Job, "Naked
came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return: the
Lord gave, the Lord hath taken away, blessed be the name of the
Lord." I asked him whether he would read. He told me he
earnestly desired it, I gave him my Bible, and he lighted upon
that comfortable Scripture "I shall not die but live, and
declare the works of the Lord: the Lord hath chastened me sore
yet he hath not given me over to death" (Psalm 118.17-18).
"Look here, mother," says he, "did you read this?" And here I
may take occasion to mention one principal ground of my setting
forth these lines: even as the psalmist says, to declare the
works of the Lord, and His wonderful power in carrying us along,
preserving us in the wilderness, while under the enemy's hand,
and returning of us in safety again. And His goodness in
bringing to my hand so many comfortable and suitable scriptures
in my distress. But to return, we traveled on till night; and
in the morning, we must go over the river to Philip's crew.
When I was in the canoe I could not but be amazed at the
numerous crew of pagans that were on the bank on the other side.
When I came ashore, they gathered all about me, I sitting alone
in the midst. I observed they asked one another questions, and
laughed, and rejoiced over their gains and victories. Then my
heart began to fail: and I fell aweeping, which was the first
time to my remembrance, that I wept before them. Although I had
met with so much affliction, and my heart was many times ready
to break, yet could I not shed one tear in their sight; but
rather had been all this while in a maze, and like one
astonished. But now I may say as Psalm 137.1, "By the Rivers of
Babylon, there we sate down: yea, we wept when we remembered
Zion." There one of them asked me why I wept. I could hardly
tell what to say: Yet I answered, they would kill me. "No,"
said he, "none will hurt you." Then came one of them and gave
me two spoonfuls of meal to comfort me, and another gave me half
a pint of peas; which was more worth than many bushels at
another time. Then I went to see King Philip. He bade me come
in and sit down, and asked me whether I would smoke it (a usual
compliment nowadays amongst saints and sinners) but this no way
suited me. For though I had formerly used tobacco, yet I had
left it ever since I was first taken. It seems to be a bait the
devil lays to make men lose their precious time. I remember
with shame how formerly, when I had taken two or three pipes, I
was presently ready for another, such a bewitching thing it is.
But I thank God, He has now given me power over it; surely there
are many who may be better employed than to lie sucking a
stinking tobacco-pipe.
Now the Indians gather their forces to go against Northampton.
Over night one went about yelling and hooting to give notice of
the design. Whereupon they fell to boiling of ground nuts, and
parching of corn (as many as had it) for their provision; and in
the morning away they went. During my abode in this place,
Philip spake to me to make a shirt for his boy, which I did, for
which he gave me a shilling. I offered the money to my master,
but he bade me keep it; and with it I bought a piece of horse
flesh. Afterwards he asked me to make a cap for his boy, for
which he invited me to dinner. I went, and he gave me a
pancake, about as big as two fingers. It was made of parched
wheat, beaten, and fried in bear's grease, but I thought I never
tasted pleasanter meat in my life. There was a squaw who spake
to me to make a shirt for her sannup, for which she gave me a
piece of bear. Another asked me to knit a pair of stockings,
for which she gave me a quart of peas. I boiled my peas and
bear together, and invited my master and mistress to dinner; but
the proud gossip, because I served them both in one dish, would
eat nothing, except one bit that he gave her upon the point of
his knife. Hearing that my son was come to this place, I went
to see him, and found him lying flat upon the ground. I asked
him how he could sleep so? He answered me that he was not
asleep, but at prayer; and lay so, that they might not observe
what he was doing. I pray God he may remember these things now
he is returned in safety. At this place (the sun now getting
higher) what with the beams and heat of the sun, and the smoke
of the wigwams, I thought I should have been blind. I could
scarce discern one wigwam from another. There was here one Mary
Thurston of Medfield, who seeing how it was with me, lent me a
hat to wear; but as soon as I was gone, the squaw (who owned
that Mary Thurston) came running after me, and got it away
again. Here was the squaw that gave me one spoonful of meal.
I put it in my pocket to keep it safe. Yet notwithstanding,
somebody stole it, but put five Indian corns in the room of it;
which corns were the greatest provisions I had in my travel for
one day.
The Indians returning from Northampton, brought with them some
horses, and sheep, and other things which they had taken; I
desired them that they would carry me to Albany upon one of
those horses, and sell me for powder: for so they had sometimes
discoursed. I was utterly hopeless of getting home on foot, the
way that I came. I could hardly bear to think of the many weary
steps I had taken, to come to this place.
The Ninth Remove
But instead of going either to Albany or homeward, we must go
five miles up the river, and then go over it. Here we abode a
while. Here lived a sorry Indian, who spoke to me to make him
a shirt. When I had done it, he would pay me nothing. But he
living by the riverside, where I often went to fetch water, I
would often be putting of him in mind, and calling for my pay:
At last he told me if I would make another shirt, for a papoose
not yet born, he would give me a knife, which he did when I had
done it. I carried the knife in, and my master asked me to give
it him, and I was not a little glad that I had anything that
they would accept of, and be pleased with. When we were at this
place, my master's maid came home; she had been gone three weeks
into the Narragansett country to fetch corn, where they had
stored up some in the ground. She brought home about a peck and
half of corn. This was about the time that their great captain,
Naananto, was killed in the Narragansett country. My son being
now about a mile from me, I asked liberty to go and see him;
they bade me go, and away I went; but quickly lost myself,
traveling over hills and through swamps, and could not find the
way to him. And I cannot but admire at the wonderful power and
goodness of God to me, in that, though I was gone from home, and
met with all sorts of Indians, and those I had no knowledge of,
and there being no Christian soul near me; yet not one of them
offered the least imaginable miscarriage to me. I turned
homeward again, and met with my master. He showed me the way to
my son. When I came to him I found him not well: and withall
he had a boil on his side, which much troubled him. We bemoaned
one another a while, as the Lord helped us, and then I returned
again. When I was returned, I found myself as unsatisfied as I
was before. I went up and down mourning and lamenting; and my
spirit was ready to sink with the thoughts of my poor children.
My son was ill, and I could not but think of his mournful looks,
and no Christian friend was near him, to do any office of love
for him, either for soul or body. And my poor girl, I knew not
where she was, nor whether she was sick, or well, or alive, or
dead. I repaired under these thoughts to my Bible (my great
comfort in that time) and that Scripture came to my hand, "Cast
thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee" (Psalm
55.22).
But I was fain to go and look after something to satisfy my
hunger, and going among the wigwams, I went into one and there
found a squaw who showed herself very kind to me, and gave me a
piece of bear. I put it into my pocket, and came home, but
could not find an opportunity to broil it, for fear they would
get it from me, and there it lay all that day and night in my
stinking pocket. In the morning I went to the same squaw, who
had a kettle of ground nuts boiling. I asked her to let me boil
my piece of bear in her kettle, which she did, and gave me some
ground nuts to eat with it: and I cannot but think how pleasant
it was to me. I have sometime seen bear baked very handsomely
among the English, and some like it, but the thought that it was
bear made me tremble. But now that was savory to me that one
would think was enough to turn the stomach of a brute creature.
One bitter cold day I could find no room to sit down before the
fire. I went out, and could not tell what to do, but I went in
to another wigwam, where they were also sitting round the fire,
but the squaw laid a skin for me, and bid me sit down, and gave
me some ground nuts, and bade me come again; and told me they
would buy me, if they were able, and yet these were strangers to
me that I never saw before.
The Tenth Remove
That day a small part of the company removed about three-
quarters of a mile, intending further the next day. When they
came to the place where they intended to lodge, and had pitched
their wigwams, being hungry, I went again back to the place we
were before at, to get something to eat, being encouraged by the
squaw's kindness, who bade me come again. When I was there,
there came an Indian to look after me, who when he had found me,
kicked me all along. I went home and found venison roasting
that night, but they would not give me one bit of it. Sometimes
I met with favor, and sometimes with nothing but frowns.
The Eleventh Remove
The next day in the morning they took their travel, intending a
day's journey up the river. I took my load at my back, and
quickly we came to wade over the river; and passed over tiresome
and wearisome hills. One hill was so steep that I was fain to
creep up upon my knees, and to hold by the twigs and bushes to
keep myself from falling backward. My head also was so light
that I usually reeled as I went; but I hope all these wearisome
steps that I have taken, are but a forewarning to me of the
heavenly rest: "I know, O Lord, that thy judgments are right,
and that thou in faithfulness hast afflicted me" (Psalm 119.75).
The Twelfth Remove
It was upon a Sabbath-day-morning, that they prepared for their
travel. This morning I asked my master whether he would sell me
to my husband. He answered me "Nux," which did much rejoice my
spirit. My mistress, before we went, was gone to the burial of
a papoose, and returning, she found me sitting and reading in my
Bible; she snatched it hastily out of my hand, and threw it out
of doors. I ran out and catched it up, and put it into my
pocket, and never let her see it afterward. Then they packed up
their things to be gone, and gave me my load. I complained it
was too heavy, whereupon she gave me a slap in the face, and
bade me go; I lifted up my heart to God, hoping the redemption
was not far off; and the rather because their insolency grew
worse and worse.
But the thoughts of my going homeward (for so we bent our
course) much cheered my spirit, and made my burden seem light,
and almost nothing at all. But (to my amazement and great
perplexity) the scale was soon turned; for when we had gone a
little way, on a sudden my mistress gives out; she would go no
further, but turn back again, and said I must go back again with
her, and she called her sannup, and would have had him gone back
also, but he would not, but said he would go on, and come to us
again in three days. My spirit was, upon this, I confess, very
impatient, and almost outrageous. I thought I could as well
have died as went back; I cannot declare the trouble that I was
in about it; but yet back again I must go. As soon as I had the
opportunity, I took my Bible to read, and that quieting
Scripture came to my hand, "Be still, and know that I am God"
(Psalm 46.10). Which stilled my spirit for the present. But a
sore time of trial, I concluded, I had to go through, my master
being gone, who seemed to me the best friend that I had of an
Indian, both in cold and hunger, and quickly so it proved. Down
I sat, with my heart as full as it could hold, and yet so hungry
that I could not sit neither; but going out to see what I could
find, and walking among the trees, I found six acorns, and two
chestnuts, which were some refreshment to me. Towards night I
gathered some sticks for my own comfort, that I might not lie
a-cold; but when we came to lie down they bade me to go out, and
lie somewhere else, for they had company (they said) come in
more than their own. I told them, I could not tell where to go,
they bade me go look; I told them, if I went to another wigwam
they would be angry, and send me home again. Then one of the
company drew his sword, and told me he would run me through if
I did not go presently. Then was I fain to stoop to this rude
fellow, and to go out in the night, I knew not whither. Mine
eyes have seen that fellow afterwards walking up and down
Boston, under the appearance of a Friend Indian, and several
others of the like cut. I went to one wigwam, and they told me
they had no room. Then I went to another, and they said the
same; at last an old Indian bade me to come to him, and his
squaw gave me some ground nuts; she gave me also something to
lay under my head, and a good fire we had; and through the good
providence of God, I had a comfortable lodging that night. In
the morning, another Indian bade me come at night, and he would
give me six ground nuts, which I did. We were at this place and
time about two miles from [the] Connecticut river. We went in
the morning to gather ground nuts, to the river, and went back
again that night. I went with a good load at my back (for they
when they went, though but a little way, would carry all their
trumpery with them). I told them the skin was off my back, but
I had no other comforting answer from them than this: that it
would be no matter if my head were off too.
The Thirteenth Remove
Instead of going toward the Bay, which was that I desired, I
must go with them five or six miles down the river into a mighty
thicket of brush; where we abode almost a fortnight. Here one
asked me to make a shirt for her papoose, for which she gave me
a mess of broth, which was thickened with meal made of the bark
of a tree, and to make it the better, she had put into it about
a handful of peas, and a few roasted ground nuts. I had not
seen my son a pretty while, and here was an Indian of whom I
made inquiry after him, and asked him when he saw him. He
answered me that such a time his master roasted him, and that
himself did eat a piece of him, as big as his two fingers, and
that he was very good meat. But the Lord upheld my Spirit,
under this discouragement; and I considered their horrible
addictedness to lying, and that there is not one of them that
makes the least conscience of speaking of truth. In this place,
on a cold night, as I lay by the fire, I removed a stick that
kept the heat from me. A squaw moved it down again, at which I
looked up, and she threw a handful of ashes in mine eyes. I
thought I should have been quite blinded, and have never seen
more, but lying down, the water run out of my eyes, and carried
the dirt with it, that by the morning I recovered my sight
again. Yet upon this, and the like occasions, I hope it is not
too much to say with Job, "Have pity upon me, O ye my Friends,
for the Hand of the Lord has touched me." And here I cannot but
remember how many times sitting in their wigwams, and musing on
things past, I should suddenly leap up and run out, as if I had
been at home, forgetting where I was, and what my condition was;
but when I was without, and saw nothing but wilderness, and
woods, and a company of barbarous heathens, my mind quickly
returned to me, which made me think of that, spoken concerning
Sampson, who said, "I will go out and shake myself as at other
times, but he wist not that the Lord was departed from him."
About this time I began to think that all my hopes of
restoration would come to nothing. I thought of the English
army, and hoped for their coming, and being taken by them, but
that failed. I hoped to be carried to Albany, as the Indians
had discoursed before, but that failed also. I thought of being
sold to my husband, as my master spake, but instead of that, my
master himself was gone, and I left behind, so that my spirit
was now quite ready to sink. I asked them to let me go out and
pick up some sticks, that I might get alone, and pour out my
heart unto the Lord. Then also I took my Bible to read, but I
found no comfort here neither, which many times I was wont to
find. So easy a thing it is with God to dry up the streams of
Scripture comfort from us. Yet I can say, that in all my
sorrows and afflictions, God did not leave me to have my
impatience work towards Himself, as if His ways were
unrighteous. But I knew that He laid upon me less than I
deserved. Afterward, before this doleful time ended with me, I
was turning the leaves of my Bible, and the Lord brought to me
some Scriptures, which did a little revive me, as that [in]
Isaiah 55.8: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither
are your ways my ways, saith the Lord." And also that [in]
Psalm 37.5: "Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him;
and he shall bring it to pass." About this time they came
yelping from Hadley, where they had killed three Englishmen, and
brought one captive with them, viz. Thomas Read. They all
gathered about the poor man, asking him many questions. I
desired also to go and see him; and when I came, he was crying
bitterly, supposing they would quickly kill him. Whereupon I
asked one of them, whether they intended to kill him; he
answered me, they would not. He being a little cheered with
that, I asked him about the welfare of my husband. He told me
he saw him such a time in the Bay, and he was well, but very
melancholy. By which I certainly understood (though I suspected
it before) that whatsoever the Indians told me respecting him
was vanity and lies. Some of them told me he was dead, and they
had killed him; some said he was married again, and that the
Governor wished him to marry; and told him he should have his
choice, and that all persuaded I was dead. So like were these
barbarous creatures to him who was a liar from the beginning.
As I was sitting once in the wigwam here, Philip's maid came in
with the child in her arms, and asked me to give her a piece of
my apron, to make a flap for it. I told her I would not. Then
my mistress bade me give it, but still I said no. The maid told
me if I would not give her a piece, she would tear a piece off
it. I told her I would tear her coat then. With that my
mistress rises up, and take up a stick big enough to have killed
me, and struck at me with it. But I stepped out, and she struck
the stick into the mat of the wigwam. But while she was pulling
of it out I ran to the maid and gave her all my apron, and so
that storm went over.