The Project Gutenberg Etext of New Arabian Nights

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Just then the folding door was opened no more than was necessary
for the passage of a human body; and there entered at the same
moment a louder buzz of talk, and the redoubtable President of the
Suicide Club. The President was a man of fifty or upwards; large
and rambling in his gait, with shaggy side whiskers, a bald top to
his head, and a veiled grey eye, which now and then emitted a
twinkle. His mouth, which embraced a large cigar, he kept
continually screwing round and round and from side to side, as he
looked sagaciously and coldly at the strangers. He was dressed in
light tweeds, with his neck very open in a striped shirt collar;
and carried a minute book under one arm.

"Good evening," said he, after he had closed the door behind him.
"I am told you wish to speak with me."

"We have a desire, sir, to join the Suicide Club," replied the
Colonel.

The President rolled his cigar about in his mouth. "What is that?"
he said abruptly.

"Pardon me," returned the Colonel, "but I believe you are the
person best qualified to give us information on that point."

"I?" cried the President. "A Suicide Club? Come, come! this is a
frolic for All Fools' Day. I can make allowances for gentlemen who
get merry in their liquor; but let there be an end to this."

"Call your Club what you will," said the Colonel, "you have some
company behind these doors, and we insist on joining it."

"Sir," returned the President curtly, "you have made a mistake.
This is a private house, and you must leave it instantly."

The Prince had remained quietly in his seat throughout this little
colloquy; but now, when the Colonel looked over to him, as much as
to say, "Take your answer and come away, for God's sake!" he drew
his cheroot from his mouth, and spoke -

"I have come here," said he, "upon the invitation of a friend of
yours. He has doubtless informed you of my intention in thus
intruding on your party. Let me remind you that a person in my
circumstances has exceedingly little to bind him, and is not at all
likely to tolerate much rudeness. I am a very quiet man, as a
usual thing; but, my dear sir, you are either going to oblige me in
the little matter of which you are aware, or you shall very
bitterly repent that you ever admitted me to your ante-chamber."

The President laughed aloud.

"That is the way to speak," said he. "You are a man who is a man.
You know the way to my heart, and can do what you like with me.
Will you," he continued, addressing Geraldine, "will you step aside
for a few minutes? I shall finish first with your companion, and
some of the club's formalities require to be fulfilled in private."

With these words he opened the door of a small closet, into which
he shut the Colonel.

"I believe in you," he said to Florizel, as soon as they were
alone; "but are you sure of your friend?"

"Not so sure as I am of myself, though he has more cogent reasons,"
answered Florizel, "but sure enough to bring him here without
alarm. He has had enough to cure the most tenacious man of life.
He was cashiered the other day for cheating at cards."

"A good reason, I daresay," replied the President; "at least, we
have another in the same case, and I feel sure of him. Have you
also been in the Service, may I ask?"

"I have," was the reply; "but I was too lazy, I left it early."

"What is your reason for being tired of life?" pursued the
President.

"The same, as near as I can make out," answered the Prince;
"unadulterated laziness."

The President started. "D-n it," said he, "you must have something
better than that."

"I have no more money," added Florizel. "That is also a vexation,
without doubt. It brings my sense of idleness to an acute point."

The President rolled his cigar round in his mouth for some seconds,
directing his gaze straight into the eyes of this unusual neophyte;
but the Prince supported his scrutiny with unabashed good temper.

"If I had not a deal of experience," said the President at last, "I
should turn you off. But I know the world; and this much any way,
that the most frivolous excuses for a suicide are often the
toughest to stand by. And when I downright like a man, as I do
you, sir, I would rather strain the regulation than deny him."

The Prince and the Colonel, one after the other, were subjected to
a long and particular interrogatory: the Prince alone; but
Geraldine in the presence of the Prince, so that the President
might observe the countenance of the one while the other was being
warmly cross-examined. The result was satisfactory; and the
President, after having booked a few details of each case, produced
a form of oath to be accepted. Nothing could be conceived more
passive than the obedience promised, or more stringent than the
terms by which the juror bound himself. The man who forfeited a
pledge so awful could scarcely have a rag of honour or any of the
consolations of religion left to him. Florizel signed the
document, but not without a shudder; the Colonel followed his
example with an air of great depression. Then the President
received the entry money; and without more ado, introduced the two
friends into the smoking-room of the Suicide Club.

The smoking-room of the Suicide Club was the same height as the
cabinet into which it opened, but much larger, and papered from top
to bottom with an imitation of oak wainscot. A large and cheerful
fire and a number of gas-jets illuminated the company. The Prince
and his follower made the number up to eighteen. Most of the party
were smoking, and drinking champagne; a feverish hilarity reigned,
with sudden and rather ghastly pauses.

"Is this a full meeting?" asked the Prince.

"Middling," said the President. "By the way," he added, "if you
have any money, it is usual to offer some champagne. It keeps up a
good spirit, and is one of my own little perquisites."

"Hammersmith," said Florizel, "I may leave the champagne to you."

And with that he turned away and began to go round among the
guests. Accustomed to play the host in the highest circles, he
charmed and dominated all whom he approached; there was something
at once winning and authoritative in his address; and his
extraordinary coolness gave him yet another distinction in this
half maniacal society. As he went from one to another he kept both
his eyes and ears open, and soon began to gain a general idea of
the people among whom he found himself. As in all other places of
resort, one type predominated: people in the prime of youth, with
every show of intelligence and sensibility in their appearance, but
with little promise of strength or the quality that makes success.
Few were much above thirty, and not a few were still in their
teens. They stood, leaning on tables and shifting on their feet;
sometimes they smoked extraordinarily fast, and sometimes they let
their cigars go out; some talked well, but the conversation of
others was plainly the result of nervous tension, and was equally
without wit or purport. As each new bottle of champagne was
opened, there was a manifest improvement in gaiety. Only two were
seated - one in a chair in the recess of the window, with his head
hanging and his hands plunged deep into his trouser pockets, pale,
visibly moist with perspiration, saying never a word, a very wreck
of soul and body; the other sat on the divan close by the chimney,
and attracted notice by a trenchant dissimilarity from all the
rest. He was probably upwards of forty, but he looked fully ten
years older; and Florizel thought he had never seen a man more
naturally hideous, nor one more ravaged by disease and ruinous
excitements. He was no more than skin and bone, was partly
paralysed, and wore spectacles of such unusual power, that his eyes
appeared through the glasses greatly magnified and distorted in
shape. Except the Prince and the President, he was the only person
in the room who preserved the composure of ordinary life.

There was little decency among the members of the club. Some
boasted of the disgraceful actions, the consequences of which had
reduced them to seek refuge in death; and the others listened
without disapproval. There was a tacit understanding against moral
judgments; and whoever passed the club doors enjoyed already some
of the immunities of the tomb. They drank to each other's
memories, and to those of notable suicides in the past. They
compared and developed their different views of death - some
declaring that it was no more than blackness and cessation; others
full of a hope that that very night they should be scaling the
stars and commencing with the mighty dead.

"To the eternal memory of Baron Trenck, the type of suicides!"
cried one. "He went out of a small cell into a smaller, that he
might come forth again to freedom."

"For my part," said a second, "I wish no more than a bandage for my
eyes and cotton for my ears. Only they have no cotton thick enough
in this world."

A third was for reading the mysteries of life in a future state;
and a fourth professed that he would never have joined the club, if
he had not been induced to believe in Mr. Darwin.

"I could not bear," said this remarkable suicide, "to be descended
from an ape."

Altogether, the Prince was disappointed by the bearing and
conversation of the members.

"It does not seem to me," he thought, "a matter for so much
disturbance. If a man has made up his mind to kill himself, let
him do it, in God's name, like a gentleman. This flutter and big
talk is out of place."

In the meanwhile Colonel Geraldine was a prey to the blackest
apprehensions; the club and its rules were still a mystery, and he
looked round the room for some one who should be able to set his
mind at rest. In this survey his eye lighted on the paralytic
person with the strong spectacles; and seeing him so exceedingly
tranquil, he besought the President, who was going in and out of
the room under a pressure of business, to present him to the
gentleman on the divan.

The functionary explained the needlessness of all such formalities
within the club, but nevertheless presented Mr. Hammersmith to Mr.
Malthus.

Mr. Malthus looked at the Colonel curiously, and then requested him
to take a seat upon his right.

"You are a new-comer," he said, "and wish information? You have
come to the proper source. It is two years since I first visited
this charming club."

The Colonel breathed again. If Mr. Malthus had frequented the
place for two years there could be little danger for the Prince in
a single evening. But Geraldine was none the less astonished, and
began to suspect a mystification.

"What!" cried he, "two years! I thought - but indeed I see I have
been made the subject of a pleasantry."

"By no means," replied Mr. Malthus mildly. "My case is peculiar.
I am not, properly speaking, a suicide at all; but, as it were, an
honorary member. I rarely visit the club twice in two months. My
infirmity and the kindness of the President have procured me these
little immunities, for which besides I pay at an advanced rate.
Even as it is my luck has been extraordinary."

"I am afraid," said the Colonel, "that I must ask you to be more
explicit. You must remember that I am still most imperfectly
acquainted with the rules of the club."

"An ordinary member who comes here in search of death like
yourself," replied the paralytic, "returns every evening until
fortune favours him. He can even, if he is penniless, get board
and lodging from the President: very fair, I believe, and clean,
although, of course, not luxurious; that could hardly be,
considering the exiguity (if I may so express myself) of the
subscription. And then the President's company is a delicacy in
itself."

"Indeed!" cried Geraldine, "he had not greatly prepossessed me."

"Ah!" said Mr. Malthus, "you do not know the man: the drollest
fellow! What stories! What cynicism! He knows life to admiration
and, between ourselves, is probably the most corrupt rogue in
Christendom."

"And he also," asked the Colonel, "is a permanency - like yourself,
if I may say so without offence?"

"Indeed, he is a permanency in a very different sense from me,"
replied Mr. Malthus. "I have hem graciously spared, but I must go
at last. Now he never plays. He shuffles and deals for the club,
and makes the necessary arrangements. That man, my dear Mr.
Hammersmith, is the very soul of ingenuity. For three years he has
pursued in London his useful and, I think I may add, his artistic
calling; and not so much as a whisper of suspicion has been once
aroused. I believe him myself to be inspired. You doubtless
remember the celebrated case, six months ago, of the gentleman who
was accidentally poisoned in a chemists shop? That was one of the
least rich, one of the least racy, of his notions; but then, how
simple! and how safe!"

"You astound me," said the Colonel. "Was that unfortunate
gentleman one of the - " He was about to say "victims"; but
bethinking himself in time, he substituted - "members of the club?"

In the same flash of thought, it occurred to him that Mr. Malthus
himself had not at all spoken in the tone of one who is in love
with death; and he added hurriedly:

"But I perceive I am still in the dark. You speak of shuffling and
dealing; pray for what end? And since you seem rather unwilling to
die than otherwise, I must own that I cannot conceive what brings
you here at all."

"You say truly that you are in the dark," replied Mr. Malthus with
more animation. "Why, my dear sir, this club is the temple of
intoxication. If my enfeebled health could support the excitement
more often, you may depend upon it I should be more often here. It
requires all the sense of duty engendered by a long habit of ill-
health and careful regimen, to keep me from excess in this, which
is, I may say, my last dissipation. I have tried them all, sir,"
he went on, laying his hand on Geraldine's arm, "all without
exception, and I declare to you, upon my honour, there is not one
of them that has not been grossly and untruthfully overrated.
People trifle with love. Now, I deny that love is a strong
passion. Fear is the strong passion; it is with fear that you must
trifle, if you wish to taste the intensest joys of living. Envy me
- envy me, sir," he added with a chuckle, "I am a coward!"

Geraldine could scarcely repress a movement of repulsion for this
deplorable wretch; but he commanded himself with an effort, and
continued his inquiries.

"How, sir," he asked, "is the excitement so artfully prolonged? and
where is there any element of uncertainty?"

"I must tell you how the victim for every evening is selected,"
returned Mr. Malthus; "and not only the victim, but another member,
who is to be the instrument in the club's hands, and death's high
priest for that occasion."

"Good God!" said the Colonel, "do they then kill each other?"

"The trouble of suicide is removed in that way," returned Malthus
with a nod.

"Merciful heavens!" ejaculated the Colonel, "and may you - may I -
may the - my friend I mean - may any of us be pitched upon this
evening as the slayer of another man's body and immortal spirit?
Can such things be possible among men born of women? Oh! infamy of
infamies!"

He was about to rise in his horror, when he caught the Prince's
eye. It was fixed upon him from across the room with a frowning
and angry stare. And in a moment Geraldine recovered his
composure.

"After all," he added, "why not? And since you say the game is
interesting, VOGUE LA GALERE - I follow the club!"

Mr. Malthus had keenly enjoyed the Colonel's amazement and disgust.
He had the vanity of wickedness; and it pleased him to see another
man give way to a generous movement, while he felt himself, in his
entire corruption, superior to such emotions.

"You now, after your first moment of surprise," said he, "are in a
position to appreciate the delights of our society. You can see
how it combines the excitement of a gaming-table, a duel, and a
Roman amphitheatre. The Pagans did well enough; I cordially admire
the refinement of their minds; but it has been reserved for a
Christian country to attain this extreme, this quintessence, this
absolute of poignancy. You will understand how vapid are all
amusements to a man who has acquired a taste for this one. The
game we play," he continued, "is one of extreme simplicity. A full
pack - but I perceive you are about to see the thing in progress.
Will you lend me the help of your arm? I am unfortunately
paralysed."

Indeed, just as Mr. Malthus was beginning his description, another
pair of folding-doors was thrown open, and the whole club began to
pass, not without some hurry, into the adjoining room. It was
similar in every respect to the one from which it was entered, but
somewhat differently furnished. The centre was occupied by a long
green table, at which the President sat shuffling a pack of cards
with great particularity. Even with the stick and the Colonel's
arm, Mr. Malthus walked with so much difficulty that every one was
seated before this pair and the Prince, who had waited for them,
entered the apartment; and, in consequence, the three took seats
close together at the lower end of the board.

"It is a pack of fifty-two," whispered Mr. Malthus. "Watch for the
ace of spades, which is the sign of death, and the ace of clubs,
which designates the official of the night. Happy, happy young
men!" he added. "You have good eyes, and can follow the game.
Alas! I cannot tell an ace from a deuce across the table."

And he proceeded to equip himself with a second pair of spectacles.

"I must at least watch the faces," he explained.

The Colonel rapidly informed his friend of all that he had learned
from the honorary member, and of the horrible alternative that lay
before them. The Prince was conscious of a deadly chill and a
contraction about his heart; he swallowed with difficulty, and
looked from side to side like a man in a maze.

"One bold stroke," whispered the Colonel, "and we may still
escape."

But the suggestion recalled the Prince's spirits.

"Silence!" said be. "Let me see that you can play like a gentleman
for any stake, however serious."

And he looked about him, once more to all appearance at his ease,
although his heart beat thickly, and he was conscious of an
unpleasant heat in his bosom. The members were all very quiet and
intent; every one was pale, but none so pale as Mr. Malthus. His
eyes protruded; his head kept nodding involuntarily upon his spine;
his hands found their way, one after the other, to his mouth, where
they made clutches at his tremulous and ashen lips. It was plain
that the honorary member enjoyed his membership on very startling
terms.

"Attention, gentlemen!" said the President.

And he began slowly dealing the cards about the table in the
reverse direction, pausing until each man had shown his card.
Nearly every one hesitated; and sometimes you would see a player's
fingers stumble more than once before he could turn over the
momentous slip of pasteboard. As the Prince's turn drew nearer, he
was conscious of a growing and almost suffocating excitement; but
he had somewhat of the gambler's nature, and recognised almost with
astonishment, that there was a degree of pleasure in his
sensations. The nine of clubs fell to his lot; the three of spades
was dealt to Geraldine; and the queen of hearts to Mr. Malthus, who
was unable to suppress a sob of relief. The young man of the cream
tarts almost immediately afterwards turned over the ace of clubs,
and remained frozen with horror, the card still resting on his
finger; he had not come there to kill, but to be killed; and the
Prince in his generous sympathy with his position almost forgot the
peril that still hung over himself and his friend.

The deal was coming round again, and still Death's card had not
come out. The players held their respiration, and only breathed by
gasps. The Prince received another club; Geraldine had a diamond;
but when Mr. Malthus turned up his card a horrible noise, like that
of something breaking, issued from his mouth; and he rose from his
seat and sat down again, with no sign of his paralysis. It was the
ace of spades. The honorary member had trifled once too often with
his terrors.

Conversation broke out again almost at once. The players relaxed
their rigid attitudes, and began to rise from the table and stroll
back by twos and threes into the smoking-room. The President
stretched his arms and yawned, like a man who has finished his
day's work. But Mr. Malthus sat in his place, with his head in his
hands, and his hands upon the table, drunk and motionless - a thing
stricken down.

The Prince and Geraldine made their escape at once. In the cold
night air their horror of what they had witnessed was redoubled.

"Alas!" cried the Prince, "to be bound by an oath in such a matter!
to allow this wholesale trade in murder to be continued with profit
and impunity! If I but dared to forfeit my pledge!"

"That is impossible for your Highness," replied the Colonel, "whose
honour is the honour of Bohemia. But I dare, and may with
propriety, forfeit mine."

"Geraldine," said the Prince, "if your honour suffers in any of the
adventures into which you follow me, not only will I never pardon
you, but - what I believe will much more sensibly affect you - I
should never forgive myself."

"I receive your Highness's commands," replied the Colonel. "Shall
we go from this accursed spot?"

"Yes," said the Prince. "Call a cab in Heaven's name, and let me
try to forget in slumber the memory of this night's disgrace."

But it was notable that he carefully read the name of the court
before he left it.

The next morning, as soon as the Prince was stirring, Colonel
Geraldine brought him a daily newspaper, with the following
paragraph marked:-

"MELANCHOLY ACCIDENT. - This morning, about two o'clock, Mr.
Bartholomew Malthus, of 16 Chepstow Place, Westbourne Grove, on his
way home from a party at a friend's house, fell over the upper
parapet in Trafalgar Square, fracturing his skull and breaking a
leg and an arm. Death was instantaneous. Mr. Malthus, accompanied
by a friend, was engaged in looking for a cab at the time of the
unfortunate occurrence. As Mr. Malthus was paralytic, it is
thought that his fall may have been occasioned by another seizure.
The unhappy gentleman was well known in the most respectable
circles, and his loss will be widely and deeply deplored."

"If ever a soul went straight to Hell," said Geraldine solemnly,
"it was that paralytic man's."

The Prince buried his face in his hands, and remained silent.

"I am almost rejoiced," continued the Colonel, "to know that he is
dead. But for our young man of the cream tarts I confess my heart
bleeds."

"Geraldine," said the Prince, raising his face, "that unhappy lad
was last night as innocent as you and I; and this morning the guilt
of blood is on his soul. When I think of the President, my heart
grows sick within me. I do not know how it shall be done, but I
shall have that scoundrel at my mercy as there is a God in heaven.
What an experience, what a lesson, was that game of cards!"

"One," said the Colonel, "never to be repeated."

The Prince remained so long without replying, that Geraldine grew
alarmed.

"You cannot mean to return," he said. "You have suffered too much
and seen too much horror already. The duties of your high position
forbid the repetition of the hazard."

"There is much in what you say," replied Prince Florizel, "and I am
not altogether pleased with my own determination. Alas! in the
clothes of the greatest potentate, what is there but a man? I
never felt my weakness more acutely than now, Geraldine, but it is
stronger than I. Can I cease to interest myself in the fortunes of
the unhappy young man who supped with us some hours ago? Can I
leave the President to follow his nefarious career unwatched? Can
I begin an adventure so entrancing, and not follow it to an end?
No, Geraldine: you ask of the Prince more than the man is able to
perform. To-night, once more, we take our places at the table of
the Suicide Club."

Colonel Geraldine fell upon his knees.

"Will your Highness take my life?" he cried. "It is his - his
freely; but do not, O do not! let him ask me to countenance so
terrible a risk."

"Colonel Geraldine," replied the Prince, with some haughtiness of
manner, "your life is absolutely your own. I only looked for
obedience; and when that is unwillingly rendered, I shall look for
that no longer. I add one word your: importunity in this affair
has been sufficient."

The Master of the Horse regained his feet at once.

"Your Highness," he said, "may I be excused in my attendance this
afternoon? I dare not, as an honourable man, venture a second time
into that fatal house until I have perfectly ordered my affairs.
Your Highness shall meet, I promise him, with no more opposition
from the most devoted and grateful of his servants."

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