Maid Marian
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Thomas Love Peacock >> Maid Marian
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And he struck up a song in praise of laughing and quaffing, without further
adverting to Marian's insinuated accusation; being, perhaps, of opinion,
that it was a subject on which the least said would be the soonest mended.
So passed the night. In the morning a forester came to the friar,
with intelligence that Prince John had been compelled, by the urgency
of his affairs in other quarters, to disembarrass Nottingham Castle
of his royal presence. Our wanderers returned joyfully to their
forest-dominion, being thus relieved from the vicinity of any more
formidable belligerent than their old bruised and beaten enemy
the sheriff of Nottingham.
CHAPTER XVII
Oh! this life
Is nobler than attending for a check,
Richer than doing nothing for a bribe
Prouder than rustling in unpaid-for silk.--Cymbeline.
So Robin and Marian dwelt and reigned in the forest, ranging the glades
and the greenwoods from the matins of the lark to the vespers
of the nightingale, and administering natural justice according
to Robin's ideas of rectifying the inequalities of human condition:
raising genial dews from the bags of the rich and idle, and returning
them in fertilising showers on the poor and industrious:
an operation which more enlightened statesmen have happily reversed,
to the unspeakable benefit of the community at large.
The light footsteps of Marian were impressed on the morning dew beside
the firmer step of her lover, and they shook its large drops about them
as they cleared themselves a passage through the thick tall fern,
without any fear of catching cold, which was not much in fashion
in the twelfth century. Robin was as hospitable as Cathmor;
for seven men stood on seven paths to call the stranger to his feast.
It is true, he superadded the small improvement of making
the stranger pay for it: than which what could be more generous?
For Cathmor was himself the prime giver of his feast,
whereas Robin was only the agent to a series of strangers,
who provided in turn for the entertainment of their successors;
which is carrying the disinterestedness of hospitality to its acme.
Marian often killed the deer,
Which Scarlet dressed, and Friar Tuck blessed
While Little John wandered in search of a guest.
Robin was very devout, though there was great unity in his religion:
it was exclusively given to our Lady the Virgin, and he never set forth
in a morning till he had said three prayers, and had heard the sweet
voice of his Marian singing a hymn to their mutual patroness. Each of
his men had, as usual, a patron saint according to his name or taste.
The friar chose a saint for himself, and fixed on Saint Botolph,
whom he euphonised into Saint Bottle, and maintained that he was
that very Panomphic Pantagruelian saint, well known in ancient
France as a female divinity, by the name of La Dive Bouteille,
whose oracular monosyllable "Trincq,', is celebrated and under-stood
by all nations, and is expounded by the learned doctor Alcofribas,[6]
who has treated at large on the subject, to signify "drink."
Saint Bottle, then, was the saint of Friar Tuck, who did not yield
even to Robin and Marian in the assiduity of his devotions to his
chosen patron. Such was their summer life, and in their winter caves
they had sufficient furniture, ample provender, store of old wine,
and assuredly no lack of fuel, with joyous music and pleasant discourse
to charm away the season of darkness and storms.
[6] Alcofribas Nasier: an anagram of Francois Rabelais,
and his assumed appellation.
The reader who desires to know more about this oracular divinity,
may consult the said doctor Alcofribas Nasier, who will usher him
into the adytum through the medium of the high priestess Bacbuc.
Many moons had waxed and waned, when on the afternoon of a lovely
summer day a lusty broad-boned knight was riding through the forest
of Sherwood. The sun shone brilliantly on the full green foliage,
and afforded the knight a fine opportunity of observing picturesque
effects, of which it is to be feared he did not avail himself.
But he had not proceeded far, before he had an opportunity of observing
something much more interesting, namely, a fine young outlaw leaning,
in the true Sherwood fashion, with his back against a tree.
The knight was preparing to ask the stranger a question, the answer
to which, if correctly given, would have relieved him from a doubt
that pressed heavily on his mind, as to whether he was in the right
road or the wrong, when the youth prevented the inquiry by saying:
"In God's name, sir knight, you are late to your meals.
My master has tarried dinner for you these three hours."
"I doubt," said the knight, "I am not he you wot of.
I am no where bidden to day and I know none in this vicinage."
"We feared," said the youth, "your memory would be treacherous:
therefore am I stationed here to refresh it."
"Who is your master?" said the knight; "and where does he abide?"
"My master," said the youth, "is called Robin Hood, and he abides hard by."
"And what knows he of me?" said the knight.
"He knows you," answered the youth "as he does every way-faring
knight and friar, by instinct."
"Gramercy," said the knight; "then I understand his bidding:
but how if I say I will not come?"
"I am enjoined to bring you," said the youth. "If persuasion avail not,
I must use other argument."
"Say'st thou so?" said the knight; "I doubt if thy stripling rhetoric
would convince me."
"That," said the young forester, "we will see."
"We are not equally matched, boy," said the knight.
"I should get less honour by thy conquest, than grief
by thy injury."
"Perhaps," said the youth, "my strength is more than my seeming,
and my cunning more than my strength. Therefore let it please
your knighthood to dismount."
"It shall please my knighthood to chastise thy presumption,"
said the knight, springing from his saddle.
Hereupon, which in those days was usually the result of a meeting
between any two persons anywhere, they proceeded to fight.
The knight had in an uncommon degree both strength and skill:
the forester had less strength, but not less skill than the knight,
and showed such a mastery of his weapon as reduced the latter
to great admiration.
They had not fought many minutes by the forest clock, the sun;
and had as yet done each other no worse injury than that
the knight had wounded the forester's jerkin, and the forester
had disabled the knight's plume; when they were interrupted
by a voice from a thicket, exclaiming, "Well fought, girl:
well fought. Mass, that had nigh been a shrewd hit.
Thou owest him for that, lass. Marry, stand by, I'll pay
him for thee."
The knight turning to the voice, beheld a tall friar issuing from the thicket,
brandishing a ponderous cudgel.
"Who art thou?" said the knight.
"I am the church militant of Sherwood," answered the friar.
"Why art thou in arms against our lady queen?"
"What meanest thou?" said the knight.
"Truly, this," said the friar, "is our liege lady of the forest,
against whom I do apprehend thee in overt act of treason.
What sayest thou for thyself?"
"I say," answered the knight, "that if this be indeed a lady,
man never yet held me so long."
"Spoken," said the friar, "like one who hath done execution.
Hast thou thy stomach full of steel? Wilt thou diversify thy repast
with a taste of my oak-graff? Or wilt thou incline thine heart
to our venison which truly is cooling? Wilt thou fight? or wilt thou
dine? or wilt thou fight and dine? or wilt thou dine and fight?
I am for thee, choose as thou mayest."
"I will dine," said the knight; "for with lady I never fought before,
and with friar I never fought yet, and with neither will I ever
fight knowingly: and if this be the queen of the forest, I will not,
being in her own dominions, be backward to do her homage."
So saying, he kissed the hand of Marian, who was pleased most graciously
to express her approbation.
"Gramercy, sir knight," said the friar, "I laud thee for
thy courtesy, which I deem to be no less than thy valour.
Now do thou follow me, while I follow my nose, which scents
the pleasant odour of roast from the depth of the forest recesses.
I will lead thy horse, and do thou lead my lady."
The knight took Marian's hand, and followed the friar, who walked
before them, singing:
When the wind blows, when the wind blows
From where under buck the dry log glows,
What guide can you follow,
O'er brake and o'er hollow,
So true as a ghostly, ghostly nose?
CHAPTER XVIII
Robin and Richard were two pretty men. Mother Goose's Melody.
They proceeded, following their infallible guide, first along a light
elastic greensward under the shade of lofty and wide-spreading trees
that skirted a sunny opening of the forest, then along labyrinthine paths,
which the deer, the outlaw, or the woodman had made, through the close shoots
of the young coppices, through the thick undergrowth of the ancient woods,
through beds of gigantic fern that filled the narrow glades and waved their
green feathery heads above the plume of the knight. Along these sylvan alleys
they walked in single file; the friar singing and pioneering in the van,
the horse plunging and floundering behind the friar, the lady following
"in maiden meditation fancy free," and the knight bringing up the rear,
much marvelling at the strange company into which his stars had thrown him.
Their path had expanded sufficiently to allow the knight to take Marian's
hand again, when they arrived in the august presence of Robin Hood
and his court.
Robin's table was spread under a high overarching canopy of living boughs,
on the edge of a natural lawn of verdure starred with flowers,
through which a swift transparent rivulet ran sparkling in the sun.
The board was covered with abundance of choice food and excellent liquor,
not without the comeliness of snow-white linen and the splendour
of costly plate, which the sheriff of Nottingham had unwillingly
contributed to supply, at the same time with an excellent cook,
whom Little John's art had spirited away to the forest with the contents
of his master's silver scullery.
An hundred foresters were here assembled over-ready for their dinner,
some seated at the table and some lying in groups under the trees.
Robin bade courteous welcome to the knight, who took his seat between
Robin and Marian at the festal board; at which was already placed
one strange guest in the person of a portly monk, sitting between
Little John and Scarlet, with, his rotund physiognomy elongated
into an unnatural oval by the conjoint influence of sorrow and fear:
sorrow for the departed contents of his travelling treasury, a good-looking
valise which was hanging empty on a bough; and fear for his personal safety,
of which all the flasks and pasties before him could not give him assurance.
The appearance of the knight, however, cheered him up with a semblance
of protection, and gave him just sufficient courage to demolish a cygnet
and a rumble-pie, which he diluted with the contents of two flasks
of canary sack.
But wine, which sometimes creates and often increases joy, doth also,
upon occasion, heighten sorrow: and so it fared now with our portly monk,
who had no sooner explained away his portion of provender, than he began
to weep and bewail himself bitterly.
"Why dost thou weep, man?" said Robin Hood. "Thou hast done
thine embassy justly, and shalt have thy Lady's grace."
"Alack! alack!" said the monk: "no embassy had I, luckless sinner,
as well thou wottest, but to take to my abbey in safety the treasure
whereof thou hast despoiled me."
"Propound me his case," said Friar Tuck, "and I will give
him ghostly counsel."
"You well remember," said Robin Hood, "the sorrowful knight who dined
with us here twelve months and a day gone by."
"Well do I," said Friar Tuck. "His lands were in jeopardy with a
certain abbot, who would allow him no longer day for their redemption.
Whereupon you lent to him the four hundred pounds which he needed,
and which he was to repay this day, though he had no better security
to give than our Lady the Virgin."
"I never desired better," said Robin, "for she never yet failed
to send me my pay; and here is one of her own flock, this faithful and
well-favoured monk of St. Mary's, hath brought it me duly, principal and
interest to a penny, as Little John can testify, who told it forth.
To be sure, he denied having it, but that was to prove our faith.
We sought and found it."
"I know nothing of your knight," said the monk: "and the money was our own,
as the Virgin shall bless me."
"She shall bless thee," said Friar Tuck, "for a faithful messenger."
The monk resumed his wailing. Little John brought him his horse.
Robin gave him leave to depart. He sprang with singular nimbleness
into the saddle, and vanished without saying, God give you good day.
The stranger knight laughed heartily as the monk rode off.
"They say, sir knight," said Friar Tuck, "they should laugh who win:
but thou laughest who art likely to lose."
"I have won," said the knight, "a good dinner, some mirth,
and some knowledge: and I cannot lose by paying for them."
"Bravely said," answered Robin. "Still it becomes thee to pay:
for it is not meet that a poor forester should treat a rich knight.
How much money hast thou with thee?"
"Troth, I know not," said the knight. "Sometimes much, sometimes little,
sometimes none. But search, and what thou findest, keep:
and for the sake of thy kind heart and open hand, be it what it may,
I shall wish it were more."
"Then, since thou sayest so," said Robin, "not a penny will I touch.
Many a false churl comes hither, and disburses against his will:
and till there is lack of these, I prey not on true men."
"Thou art thyself a true man, right well I judge, Robin,"
said the stranger knight, "and seemest more like one bred
in court than to thy present outlaw life."
"Our life," said the friar, "is a craft, an art, and a mystery.
How much of it, think you, could be learned at court?"
"Indeed, I cannot say," said the stranger knight:
"but I should apprehend very little."
"And so should I," said the friar: "for we should find very little of our
bold open practice, but should hear abundance of praise of our principles.
To live in seeming fellowship and secret rivalry; to have a hand for all,
and a heart for none; to be everybody's acquaintance, and nobody's friend;
to meditate the ruin of all on whom we smile, and to dread the secret
stratagems of all who smile on us; to pilfer honours and despoil
fortunes, not by fighting in daylight, but by sapping in darkness:
these are arts which the court can teach, but which we, by 'r Lady,
have not learned. But let your court-minstrel tune up his throat
to the praise of your court-hero, then come our principles into play:
then is our practice extolled not by the same name, for their Richard
is a hero, and our Robin is a thief: marry, your hero guts an exchequer,
while your thief disembowels a portmanteau, your hero sacks a city,
while your thief sacks a cellar: your hero marauds on a larger scale,
and that is all the difference, for the principle and the virtue are one:
but two of a trade cannot agree: therefore your hero makes laws to get
rid of your thief, and gives him an ill name that he may hang him:
for might is right, and the strong make laws for the weak, and they
that make laws to serve their own turn do also make morals to give
colour to their laws."
"Your comparison, friar," said the stranger, "fails in this:
that your thief fights for profit, and your hero for honour.
I have fought under the banners of Richard, and if, as you phrase it,
he guts exchequers, and sacks cities, it is not to win treasure
for himself, but to furnish forth the means of his greater
and more glorious aim."
"Misconceive me not, sir knight," said the friar. "We all love
and honour King Richard, and here is a deep draught to his health:
but I would show you, that we foresters are miscalled by opprobrious names,
and that our virtues, though they follow at humble distance, are yet
truly akin to those of Coeur-de-Lion. I say not that Richard is a thief,
but I say that Robin is a hero: and for honour, did ever yet man,
miscalled thief, win greater honour than Robin? Do not all men grace
him with some honourable epithet? The most gentle thief, the most
courteous thief, the most bountiful thief, yea, and the most honest thief?
Richard is courteous, bountiful, honest, and valiant: but so also
is Robin: it is the false word that makes the unjust distinction.
They are twin-spirits, and should be friends, but that fortune hath
differently cast their lot: but their names shall descend together
to the latest days, as the flower of their age and of England:
for in the pure principles of freebootery have they excelled all men;
and to the principles of freebootery, diversely developed, belong all
the qualities to which song and story concede renown."
"And you may add, friar," said Marian, "that Robin, no less than Richard,
is king in his own dominion; and that if his subjects be fewer, yet are they
more uniformly loyal."
"I would, fair lady," said the stranger, "that thy latter observation were not
so true. But I nothing doubt, Robin, that if Richard could hear your friar,
and see you and your lady, as I now do, there is not a man in England whom
he would take by the hand more cordially than yourself."
"Gramercy, sir knight," said Robin---- But his speech was cut
short by Little John calling, "Hark!"
All listened. A distant trampling of horses was heard.
The sounds approached rapidly, and at length a group of horsemen
glittering in holyday dresses was visible among the trees.
"God's my life!" said Robin, "what means this? To arms,
my merrymen all."
"No arms, Robin," said the foremost horseman, riding up and springing
from his saddle: "have you forgotten Sir William of the Lee?"
"No, by my fay," said Robin; "and right welcome again to Sherwood."
Little John bustled to re-array the disorganised economy of the table,
and replace the dilapidations of the provender.
"I come late, Robin," said Sir William, "but I came by a wrestling,
where I found a good yeoman wrongfully beset by a crowd of sturdy varlets,
and I staid to do him right."
"I thank thee for that, in God's name," said Robin, "as if thy good service
had been to myself."
"And here," said the knight, "is thy four hundred pound;
and my men have brought thee an hundred bows and as many
well-furnished quivers; which I beseech thee to receive
and to use as a poor token of my grateful kindness to thee:
for me and my wife and children didst thou redeem from beggary."
"Thy bows and arrows," said Robin, "will I joyfully receive:
but of thy money, not a penny. It is paid already.
My Lady, who was thy security, hath sent it me for thee."
Sir William pressed, but Robin was inflexible.
"It is paid," said Robin, "as this good knight can testify,
who saw my Lady's messenger depart but now."
Sir William looked round to the stranger knight, and instantly fell
on his knee, saying, "God save King Richard."
The foresters, friar and all, dropped on their knees together,
and repeated in chorus: "God save King Richard."
"Rise, rise," said Richard, smiling: "Robin is king here, as his lady
hath shown. I have heard much of thee, Robin, both of thy present and thy
former state. And this, thy fair forest-queen, is, if tales say true,
the lady Matilda Fitzwater."
Marian signed acknowledgment.
"Your father," said the king, "has approved his fidelity to me,
by the loss of his lands, which the newness of my return,
and many public cares, have not yet given me time to restore:
but this justice shall be done to him, and to thee also, Robin,
if thou wilt leave thy forest-life and resume thy earldom,
and be a peer of Coeur-de-Lion: for braver heart and juster
hand I never yet found."
Robin looked round on his men.
"Your followers," said the king, "shall have free pardon, and such
of them as thou wilt part with shall have maintenance from me;
and if ever I confess to priest, it shall be to thy friar."
"Gramercy to your majesty," said the friar; "and my inflictions
shall be flasks of canary; and if the number be (as in grave cases
I may, peradventure, make it) too great for one frail mortality,
I will relieve you by vicarious penance, and pour down my own
throat the redundancy of the burden."
Robin and his followers embraced the king's proposal.
A joyful meeting soon followed with the baron and Sir Guy of Gamwell:
and Richard himself honoured with his own presence a formal
solemnization of the nuptials of our lovers, whom he constantly
distinguished with his peculiar regard.
The friar could not say, Farewell to the forest, without something
of a heavy heart: and he sang as he turned his back upon its bounds,
occasionally reverting his head:
Ye woods, that oft at sultry noon
Have o'er me spread your messy shade:
Ye gushing streams, whose murmured tune
Has in my ear sweet music made,
While, where the dancing pebbles show
Deep in the restless fountain-pool
The gelid water's upward flow,
My second flask was laid to cool:
Ye pleasant sights of leaf and flower:
Ye pleasant sounds of bird and bee:
Ye sports of deer in sylvan bower:
Ye feasts beneath the greenwood tree:
Ye baskings in the vernal sun:
Ye slumbers in the summer dell:
Ye trophies that this arm has won:
And must ye hear your friar's farewell?
But the friar's farewell was not destined to be eternal.
He was domiciled as the family confessor of the earl and
countess of Huntingdon, who led a discreet and courtly life,
and kept up old hospitality in all its munificence,
till the death of King Richard and the usurpation of John,
by placing their enemy in power, compelled them to return to
their greenwood sovereignty; which, it is probable, they would
have before done from choice, if their love of sylvan liberty
had not been counteracted by their desire to retain the friendship
of Coeur-de-Lion. Their old and tried adherents, the friar
among the foremost, flocked again round their forest-banner;
and in merry Sherwood they long lived together, the lady still
retaining her former name of Maid Marian, though the appellation
was then as much a misnomer as that of Little John.
THE END.
VARIANTS IN THE TEXT
Changes in spelling, use of capitals, punctuation and type are not recorded.
P. 15, ll. 12-13. and the bishops: and bishops 1822.
P. 46, l. 12. united: re-united 1822.
P. 63, l. 14. a posse of men: fifty men 1822.
P. 74, l. 6. privation: imprisonment and privation 1822.
P. 80, l. 29. tone: toll 1822.
P. 153, ll. 21-23. daily of bad wine . . . more fastidious relish:
every day I grow more intolerant of bad, and have a keener and more
fastidious relish of good wine 1822.
P. 159, l. 20. passed: past 1822.
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