The Expedition of Humphry Clinker

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your affectionate
J. MELFORD
Oct. 4.

To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon.

DEAR PHILLIPS,

When I wrote you by last post, I did not imagine I should be
tempted to trouble you again so soon: but I now sit down with a
heart so full that it cannot contain itself; though I am under
such agitation of spirits, that you are to expect neither method
nor connexion in this address -- We have been this day within a
hair's breadth of losing honest Matthew Bramble, in consequence
of a cursed accident, which I will endeavour to explain. -- In
crossing the country to get into the post road, it was necessary
to ford a river, and we that were a-horseback passed without any
danger or difficulty; but a great quantity of rain having fallen
last night and this morning, there was such an accumulation of
water, that a mill-head gave way, just as the coach was passing
under it, and the flood rushed down with such impetuosity, as
first floated, and then fairly overturned the carriage in the
middle of the stream -- Lismahago and I, and the two servants,
alighting instantaneously, ran into the river to give all the
assistance in our power. -- Our aunt, Mrs Tabitha, who had the good
fortune to be uppermost, was already half way out of the coach
window, when her lover approaching, disengaged her entirely; but,
whether his foot slipt, or
the burthen was too great, they fell over head and ears in each
others' arms. He endeavoured more than once to get up, and even
to disentangle himself from her embrace, but she hung about his
neck like a mill-stone (no bad emblem of matrimony), and if my
man had not proved a stanch auxiliary, those two lovers would in
all probability have gone hand in hand to the shades below -- For
my part, I was too much engaged to take any cognizance of their
distress. -- I snatched out my sister by the hair of the head, and,
dragging her to the bank, recollected that my uncle had, not yet
appeared -- Rushing again into the stream, I met Clinker hauling
ashore Mrs Jenkins, who looked like a mermaid with her hair
dishevelled about her ears; but, when I asked if his master was
safe, he forthwith shook her from him, and she must have gone to
pot, if a miller had not seasonably come to her relief. -- As for
Humphry, he flew like lightning, to the coach, that was by this
time filled with water, and, diving into it, brought up the poor
'squire, to all appearance, deprived of life -- It is not in my
power to describe what I felt at this melancholy spectacle -- it
was such an agony as baffles all description! The faithful
Clinker, taking him up in his arms, as if he had been an infant
of six months, carried him ashore, howling most piteously all the
way, and I followed him in a transport of grief and
consternation -- When he was laid upon the grass and turned from
side to side, a great quantity of water ran out at his mouth,
then he opened his eyes, and fetched a deep sigh. Clinker
perceiving these signs of life, immediately tied up his arm with
a garter, and, pulling out a horse-fleam, let him blood in the
farrier stile. -- At first a few drops only issued from the
orifice, but the limb being chafed, in a little time the blood
began to flow in a continued stream, and he uttered some
incoherent words, which were the most welcome sounds that ever
saluted my ear. There was a country inn hard by, the landlord of
which had by this time come with his people to give their
assistance. -- Thither my uncle being carried, was undressed and
put to bed, wrapped in warm blankets; but having been moved too
soon, he fainted away, and once more lay without sense or motion,
notwithstanding all the efforts of Clinker and the landlord, who
bathed his temples with Hungary water, and held a smelling-bottle
to his nose. As I had heard of the efficacy of salt in such
cases, I ordered all that was in the house to be laid under his
head and body; and whether this application had the desired
effect, or nature of herself prevailed, he, in less than a
quarter of an hour, began to breathe regularly, and soon
retrieved his recollection, to the unspeakable joy of all the by-standers.
As for Clinker, his brain seemed to be affected. -- He
laughed, and wept, and danced about in such a distracted manner,
that the landlord very judiciously conveyed him out of the room.
My uncle, seeing me dropping wet, comprehended the whole of what
had happened, and asked if all the company was safe? -- Being
answered in the affirmative, he insisted upon my putting on dry
clothes; and, having swallowed a little warm wine, desired he
might be left to his repose. Before I went to shift myself, I
inquired about the rest of the family -- I found Mrs Tabitha still
delirious from her fright, discharging very copiously the water
she had swallowed. She was supported by the captain, distilling
drops from his uncurled periwig, so lank and so dank, that he
looked like Father Thames without his sedges, embracing Isis,
while she cascaded in his urn. Mrs Jenkins was present also, in a
loose bed gown, without either cap or handkerchief; but she
seemed to be as little compos mentis as her mistress, and acted
so many cross purposes in the course of her attendance, that,
between the two, Lismahago had occasion for all his philosophy.
As for Liddy, I thought the poor girl would have actually lost
her senses. The good woman of the house had shifted her linen,
and put her into bed; but she was seized with the idea that her
uncle had perished, and in this persuasion made a dismal out-cry;
nor did she pay the least regard to what I said, when I solemnly
assured her he was safe. Mr Bramble hearing the noise, and being
informed of her apprehension, desired she might be brought into
his chamber; and she no sooner received this intimation, than she
ran thither half naked, with the wildest expression of eagerness
in her countenance -- Seeing the 'squire sitting up in the bed, she
sprung forwards and throwing her arms about his neck, exclaimed
in a most pathetic tone, 'Are you -- Are you indeed my uncle -- My
dear uncle! -- My best friend! My father! -- Are you really living?
or is it an illusion of my poor brain!' Honest Matthew was so
much affected, that he could not help shedding tears, while he
kissed her forehead, saying, 'My dear Liddy, I hope I shall live
long enough to shew how sensible I am of your affection -- But your
spirits are fluttered, child -- You want rest -- Go to bed and
compose yourself' -- 'Well, I will (she replied) but still methinks
this cannot be real -- The coach was full of water -- My uncle was
under us all -- Gracious God! -- You was under water -- How did you get
out; -- tell me that? or I shall think this is all a deception' --
'In what manner I was brought out, I know as little as you do, my
dear (said the 'squire); and, truly, that is a circumstance of
which I want to be informed.' I would have given him a detail of
the whole adventure, but he would not hear me until I should
change my clothes; so that I had only time to tell him, that he
owed his life to the courage and fidelity of Clinker: and having
given him this hint, I conducted my sister to her own chamber.

This accident happened about three o'clock in the afternoon, and
in little more than an hour the hurricane was all over; but as
the carriage was found to be so much damaged, that it could not
proceed without considerable repairs, a blacksmith and
wheelwright were immediately sent for to the next market-town,
and we congratulated ourselves upon being housed at an inn,
which, though remote from the post-road, afforded exceeding good
lodging. The women being pretty well composed, and the men all a-foot,
my uncle sent for his servant, and, in the presence of
Lismahago and me, accosted him in these words -- 'So, Clinker, I
find you are resolved I shan't die by water -- As you have fished
me up from the bottom at your own risque, you are at least
entitled to all the money that was in my pocket, and there it
is' -- So saying, he presented him with a purse containing thirty
guineas, and a ring nearly of the same value -- 'God forbid! (cried
Clinker), your honour shall excuse me -- I am a poor fellow, but I
have a heart O! if your honour did but know how I rejoice to see --
Blessed be his holy name, that made me the humble instrument --
But as for the lucre of gain, I renounce it -- I have done no more
than my duty -- No more than I would have done for the most
worthless of my fellow-creatures -- No more than I would have done
for captain Lismahago, or Archy Macalpine, or any sinner upon
earth -- But for your worship, I would go through fire as well as
water' -- 'I do believe it, Humphry (said the 'squire); but as you
think it was your duty to save my life at the hazard of your own,
I think it is mine to express the sense I have of your
extraordinary fidelity and attachment -- I insist upon your
receiving this small token of my gratitude; but don't imagine
that I look upon this as an adequate recompence for the service
you have done me -- I have determined to settle thirty pounds a-year
upon you for life; and I desire these gentlemen will bear
witness to this my intention, of which I have a memorandum in my
pocketbook.' 'Lord make me thankful for all these mercies! (cried
Clinker, sobbing), I have been a poor bankrupt from the
beginning -- your honour's goodness found me, when I was -- naked
when I was -- sick and forlorn -- I understand your honour's looks -- I
would not give offence -- but my heart is very full -- and if your
worship won't give me leave to speak, -- I must vent it in prayers
to heaven for my benefactor.' When he quitted the room, Lismahago
said, he should have a much better opinion of his honesty, if he
did not whine and cant so abominably; but that he had always
observed those weeping and praying fellows were hypocrites at
bottom. Mr Bramble made no reply to this sarcastic remark,
proceeding from the lieutenant's resentment of Clinker having, in
pure simplicity of heart, ranked him with M'Alpine and the
sinners of the earth -- The landlord being called to receive some
orders about the beds, told the 'squire that his house was very
much at his service, but he was sure he should not have the
honour to lodge him and his company. He gave us to understand
that his master who lived hard by, would not suffer us to be at a
public house, when there was accommodation for us at his own; and
that, if he had not dined abroad in the neighbourhood he would
have undoubtedly come to offer his services at our first arrival.
He then launched out in praise of that gentleman, whom he had
served as butler, representing him as a perfect miracle of
goodness and generosity. He said he was a person of great
learning, and allowed to be the best farmer in the country: -- that
he had a lady who was as much beloved as himself, and an only
son, a very hopeful young gentleman, just recovered from a
dangerous fever, which had like to have proved fatal to the whole
family; for, if the son had died, he was sure the parents would
not have survived their loss -- He had not yet finished the
encomium of Mr Dennison, when this gentleman arrived in a post-chaise,
and his appearance seemed to justify all that had been
said in his favour. He is pretty well advanced in years, but
hale, robust, and florid, with an ingenuous countenance,
expressive of good sense and humanity. Having condoled with us on
the accident which had happened, he said he was come to conduct
us to his habitation, where we should be less incommoded than at
such a paultry inn, and expressed his hope that the ladies would
not be the worse for going thither in his carriage, as the
distance was not above a quarter of a mile. My uncle having made
a proper return to this courteous exhibition, eyed him
attentively, and then asked if he had not been at Oxford, a
commoner of Queen's college? When Mr Dennison answered, 'Yes,'
with some marks of surprise -- 'Look at me then (said our squire)
and let us see if you can recollect the features of an old
friend, whom you have not seen these forty years.' -- The
gentleman, taking him by the hand, and gazing at him earnestly, --
'I protest (cried he), I do think I recall the idea of Matthew
Loyd of Glamorganshire, who was student of Jesus.' 'Well
remembered, my dear friend, Charles Dennison (exclaimed my uncle,
pressing him to his breast), I am that very identical Matthew
Loyd of Glamorgan.' Clinker, who had just entered the room with
some coals for the fire, no sooner heard these words, than
throwing down the scuttle on the toes of Lismahago, he began to
caper as if he was mad, crying -- 'Matthew Loyd of Glamorgan! -- O
Providence! -- Matthew Loyd of Glamorgan!' -- Then, clasping my
uncle's knees, he went on in this manner -- 'Your worship must
forgive me -- Matthew Loyd of Glamorgan! -- O Lord, Sir! I can't
contain myself! -- I shall lose my senses' -- 'Nay, thou hast lost
them already, I believe (said the 'squire, peevishly), prithee,
Clinker, be quiet -- What is the matter?' -- Humphry, fumbling in his
bosom, pulled out an old wooden snuff-box, which he presented in
great trepidation to his master, who, opening it immediately,
perceived a small cornelian seal, and two scraps of paper -- At
sight of these articles he started, and changed colour, and
casting his eye upon the inscriptions -- 'Ha! -- how! -- what! where
(cried he) is the person here named?' Clinker, knocking his own
breast, could hardly pronounce these words -- 'Here -- here -- here is
Matthew Loyd, as the certificate sheweth -- Humphry Clinker was the
name of the farrier that took me 'prentice' -- 'And who gave you
these tokens?' said my uncle hastily -- 'My poor mother on her
death-bed' -- replied the other -- 'And who was your mother?'
'Dorothy Twyford, an please your honour, heretofore bar-keeper at
the Angel at Chippenham.' -- 'And why were not these tokens
produced before?' 'My mother told me she had wrote to
Glamorganshire, at the time of my birth, but had no answer; and
that afterwards, when she made enquiry, there was no such person
in that county.' 'And so in consequence of my changing my name
and going abroad at that very time, thy poor mother and thou have
been left to want and misery -- I am really shocked at the
consequence of my own folly.' -- Then, laying his hand on Clinker's
head, he added, 'Stand forth, Matthew Loyd -- You see, gentlemen,
how the sins of my youth rise up in judgment against me -- Here is
my direction written with my own hand, and a seal which I left at
the woman's request; and this is a certificate of the child's
baptism, signed by the curate of the parish.' The company were
not a little surprised at this discovery, upon which Mr Dennison
facetiously congratulated both the father and the son: for my
part, I shook my new-found cousin heartily by the hand, and
Lismahago complimented him with the tears in his eyes, for he had
been hopping about the room, swearing in broad Scotch, and
bellowing with the pain occasioned by the fall of the coalscuttle
upon his foot. He had even vowed to drive the saul out of the
body of that mad rascal: but, perceiving the unexpected turn
which things had taken, he wished him joy of his good fortune,
observing that it went very near his heart, as he was like to be
a great toe out of pocket by the discovery -- Mr Dennison now
desired to know for what reason my uncle had changed the name by
which he knew him at Oxford, and our 'squire satisfied him, by
answering to this effect -- 'I took my mother's name, which was
Loyd, as heir to her lands in Glamorganshire; but when I came of
age, I sold that property, in order to clear my paternal estate,
and resumed my real name; so that I am now Matthew Bramble of
Brambleton-hall in Monmouthshire, at your service; and this is my
nephew, Jeremy Melford of Belfield, in the county of Glamorgan.'
At that instant the ladies entering the room, he presented Mrs
Tabitha as his sister, and Liddy as his niece. The old gentleman
saluted them very cordially, and seemed struck with the
appearance of my sister, whom he could not help surveying with a
mixture of
complacency and surprize -- 'Sister (said my uncle), there is a
poor relation that recommends himself to your good graces -- The
quondam Humphry Clinker is metamorphosed into Matthew Loyd; and
claims the honour of being your carnal kinsman -- in short, the
rogue proves to be a crab of my own planting in the days of hot
blood and unrestrained libertinism.' Clinker had by this time
dropt upon one knee, by the side of Mrs Tabitha, who, eyeing him
askance, and flirting her fan with marks of agitation, thought
proper, after some conflict, to hold out her hand for him to
kiss, saying, with a demure aspect, 'Brother, you have been very
wicked: but I hope you'll live to see the folly of your ways -- I
am very sorry to say the young man, whom you have this day
acknowledged, has more grace and religion, by the gift of God,
than you with all your profane learning, and repeated
opportunity -- I do think he has got the trick of the eye, and the
tip of the nose of my uncle Loyd of Flluydwellyn; and as for the
long chin, it is the very moral of the governor's -- Brother, as
you have changed his name pray change his dress also; that livery
doth not become any person that hath got our blood in his
veins.' -- Liddy seemed much pleased with this acquisition to the
family. -- She took him by the hand, declaring she should always be
proud to own her connexion with a virtuous young man, who had
given so many proofs of his gratitude and affection to her
uncle. -- Mrs. Winifred Jenkins, extremely fluttered between her
surprize at this discovery, and the apprehension of losing her
sweet-heart, exclaimed in a giggling tone, -- 'I wish you joy Mr
Clinker -- Floyd -- I would say -- hi, hi, hi! -- you'll be so proud you
won't look at your poor fellow servants, oh, oh, oh!' Honest
Clinker owned he was overjoyed at his good fortune, which was
greater than he deserved -- 'But wherefore should I be proud? (said
he) a poor object conceived in sin, and brought forth in
iniquity, nursed in a parish workhouse, and bred in a smithy.
Whenever I seem proud, Mrs Jenkins, I beg of you to put me in
mind of the condition I was in, when I first saw you between
Chippenham and Marlborough.'

When this momentous affair was discussed to the satisfaction of
all parties concerned, the weather being dry, the ladies declined
the carriage; so that we walked all together to Mr Dennison's
house, where we found the tea ready prepared by his lady, an
amiable matron, who received us with all the benevolence of
hospitality. The house is old fashioned and irregular, but
lodgeable and commodious. To the south it has the river in front,
at the distance of a hundred paces; and on the north, there is a
rising ground covered with an agreeable plantation; the greens
and walks are kept in the nicest order, and all is rural and
romantic. I have not yet seen the young gentleman, who is on a
visit to a friend in the neighbourhood, from whose house he is
not expected 'till to-morrow.

In the mean time, as there is a man going to the next market town
with letters for the post, I take this opportunity to send you
the history of this day, which has been remarkably full of
adventures; and you will own I give you them like a beef-steak at
Dolly's, hot and hot, without ceremony and parade, just as they
come from the recollection of

Yours,
J. MELFORD

To Dr LEWIS.

DEAR DICK,

Since the last trouble I gave you, I have met with a variety of
incidents, some of them of a singular nature, which I reserve as
a fund for conversation; but there are others so interesting,
that they will not keep in petto till meeting.

Know then, it was a thousand pounds to a sixpence, that you
should now be executing my will, instead of perusing my letter!
Two days ago, our coach was overturned in the midst of a rapid
river, where my life was saved with the utmost difficulty, by the
courage, activity, and presence of mind of my servant Humphry
Clinker -- But this is not the most surprising circumstance of the
adventure -- The said Humphry Clinker proves to be Matthew Loyd,
natural son of one Matthew Loyd of Glamorgan, if you know any
such person -- You see, Doctor, that notwithstanding all your
philosophy, it is not without some reason that the Welchmen
ascribe such energy to the force of blood -- But we shall discuss
this point on some future occasion.

This is not the only discovery which I made in consequence of our
disaster -- We happened to be wrecked upon a friendly shore -- The
lord of the manor is no other than Charles Dennison, our fellow-rake
at Oxford -- We are now happily housed with that gentleman,
who has really attained to that pitch of rural felicity, at which
I have been aspiring these twenty years in vain. He is blessed
with a consort, whose disposition is suited to his own in all
respects; tender, generous, and benevolent -- She, moreover,
possesses an uncommon share of understanding, fortitude, and
discretion, and is admirably qualified to be his companion,
confidant, counsellor, and coadjutrix. These excellent persons
have an only son, about nineteen years of age, just such a youth
as they could have wished that Heaven would bestow to fill up the
measure of their enjoyment -- In a word, they know no other allay
to their happiness, but their apprehension and anxiety about the
life and concerns of this beloved object.

Our old friend, who had the misfortune to be a second brother,
was bred to the law, and even called to the bar; but he did not
find himself qualified to shine in that province, and had very
little inclination for his profession -- He disobliged his father,
by marrying for love, without any consideration of fortune; so
that he had little or nothing to depend upon for some years but
his practice, which afforded him a bare subsistence; and the
prospect of an increasing family, began to give him disturbance
and disquiet. In the mean time, his father dying, was succeeded
by his elder brother, a fox-hunter and a sot, who neglected his
affairs, insulted and oppressed his servants, and in a few years
had well nigh ruined the estate, when he was happily carried off
by a fever, the immediate consequence of a debauch. Charles, with
the approbation of his wife, immediately determined to quit
business, and retire into the country, although this resolution
was strenuously and zealously opposed by every individual, whom
he consulted on the subject. Those who had tried the experiment,
assured him that he could not pretend to breathe in the country
for less than the double of what his estate produced; that, in
order to be upon the footing of a gentleman, he would be obliged
to keep horses, hounds, carriages, with a suitable number of
servants, and maintain an elegant table for the entertainment of
his neighbours; that farming was a mystery, known only to those
who had been bred up to it from the cradle, the success of it
depending not only upon skill and industry, but also upon such
attention and oeconomy as no gentleman could be supposed to give
or practise; accordingly, every attempt made by gentlemen
miscarried, and not a few had been ruined by their prosecution of
agriculture -- Nay, they affirmed that he would find it cheaper to
buy hay and oats for his cattle, and to go to market for poultry,
eggs, kitchen herbs, and roots, and every the most inconsiderable
article of house-keeping, than to have those articles produced on
his own ground.

These objections did not deter Mr Dennison, because they were
chiefly founded on the supposition, that he would be obliged to
lead a life of extravagance and dissipation, which he and his
consort equally detested, despised, and determined to avoid -- The
objects he had in view, were health of body, peace of mind, and
the private satisfaction of domestic quiet, unallayed by actual
want, and uninterrupted by the fears of indigence -- He was very
moderate in his estimate of the necessaries, and even of the
comforts of life -- He required nothing but wholesome air, pure
water, agreeable exercise, plain diet, convenient lodging, and
decent apparel. He reflected, that if a peasant without
education, or any great share of natural sagacity, could maintain
a large family, and even become opulent upon a farm, for which he
payed an annual rent of two or three hundred pounds to the
landlord, surely he himself might hope for some success from his
industry, having no rent to pay, but, on the contrary, three or
four hundred pounds a year to receive. He considered, that the
earth was an indulgent mother, that yielded her fruits to all her
children without distinction. He had studied the theory of
agriculture with a degree of eagerness and delight; and he could
not conceive there was any mystery in the practice, but what he
should be able to disclose by dint of care and application. With
respect to houshold expence, he entered into a minute detail and
investigation, by which he perceived the assertions of his
friends were altogether erroneous -- He found he should save sixty
pounds a year in the single article of house-rent, and as much
more in pocket-money and contingencies; that even butcher's-meat
was twenty per cent cheaper in the country than in London; but
that poultry, and almost every other circumstance of house-keeping,
might be had for less than one-half of
what they cost in town; besides, a considerable saving on the
side of dress, in being delivered from the oppressive imposition
of ridiculous modes, invented by ignorance, and adopted by folly.

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