The Expedition of Humphry Clinker

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As to the danger of vying with the rich in pomp and equipage, it
never gave him the least disturbance. He was now turned of forty,
and, having lived half that time in the busy scenes of life, was
well skilled in the science of mankind. There cannot be in nature
a more contemptible figure than that of a man, who, with five
hundred a year, presumes to rival in expence a neighbour who
possesses five times that income -- His ostentation, far from
concealing, serves only to discover his indigence, and render his
vanity the more shocking; for it attracts the eyes of censure,
and excites the spirit of inquiry. There is not a family in the
county nor a servant in his own house, nor a farmer in the
parish, but what knows the utmost farthing that his lands
produce, and all these behold him with scorn or compassion. I am
surprised that these reflections do not occur to persons in this
unhappy dilemma, and produce a salutary effect; but the truth is,
of all the passions incident to human nature, vanity is that
which most effectually perverts the faculties of the
understanding; nay, it sometimes becomes so incredibly depraved,
as to aspire at infamy, and find pleasure in bearing the stigmas
of reproach.

I have now given you a sketch of the character and situation of
Mr Dennison, when he came down to take possession of this estate;
but as the messenger, who carries the letters to the next town,
is just setting off, I shall reserve what further I have to say
on this subject, till the next post, when you shall certainly
hear from

Yours always,
MATT. BRAMBLE
Oct. 8.

To Dr LEWIS.

Once more, dear doctor, I resume the pen for your amusement. It
was on the morning after our arrival that, walking out with my
friend, Mr Dennison, I could not help breaking forth into the
warmest expressions of applause at the beauty of the scene, which
is really inchanting; and I signified, in particular, how much I
was pleased with the disposition of some detached groves, that
afforded at once shelter and ornament to his habitation.

'When I took possession of these lands, about two and twenty
years ago (said he), there was not a tree standing within a mile
of the house, except those of an old neglected orchard, which
produced nothing but leaves and moss. -- It was in the gloomy month
of November, when I arrived, and found the house in such a
condition, that it might have been justly stiled the tower of
desolation. -- The court-yard was covered with nettles and docks ,
and the garden exhibited such a rank plantation of weeds as I had
never seen before; -- the window-shutters were falling in pieces, --
the sashes broken; -- and owls and jack-daws had taken possession
of the chimnies. -- The prospect within was still more dreary -- All
was dark, and damp, and dirty beyond description; -- the rain
penetrated in several parts of the roof; -- in some apartments the
very floors had given way; -- the hangings were parted from the
walls, and shaking in mouldy remnants; the glasses were dropping
out of their frames; -- the family-pictures were covered with dust.
and all the chairs and tables worm-eaten and crazy. -- There was
not a bed in the house that could be used, except one old-fashioned
machine, with a high gilt tester and fringed curtains
of yellow mohair, which had been, for aught I know, two centuries
in the family. -- In short, there was no furniture but the utensils
of the kitchen; and the cellar afforded nothing but a few empty
butts and barrels, that stunk so abominably, that I would not
suffer any body to enter it until I had flashed a considerable
quantity of gunpowder to qualify the foul air within.

'An old cottager and his wife, who were hired to lie in the
house, had left it with precipitation, alledging, among other
causes of retreat, that they could not sleep for frightful
noises, and that my poor brother certainly walked after his
death. -- In a word, the house appeared uninhabitable; the barn,
stable, and outhouses were in ruins; all the fences broken down,
and the fields lying waste.

'The farmer who kept the key never dreamed I had any intention to
live upon the spot -- He rented a farm of sixty pounds, and his
lease was just expiring. -- He had formed a scheme of being
appointed bailiff to the estate, and of converting the house and
the adjacent grounds to his own use. --A hint of his intention I
received from the curate at my first arrival; I therefore did not
pay much regard to what he said by way of discouraging me from
coming to settle in the country; but I was a little startled
when he gave me warning that he should quit the farm at the
expiration of his lease, unless I could abate considerably in the
rent.

'At this period I accidentally became acquainted with a person,
whose friendship laid the foundation of all my prosperity. In the
next market-town I chanced to dine at an inn with a Mr Wilson,
who was lately come to settle in the neighbourhood. -- He had been
lieutenant of a man of war, but quitted the sea in some disgust,
and married the only daughter of farmer Bland, who lives in this
parish, and has acquired a good fortune in the way of husbandry. --
Wilson is one of the best natured men I ever knew; brave, frank,
obliging, and ingenuous -- He liked my conversation, I was charmed
with his liberal manner; and acquaintance immediately commenced,
and this was soon improved into a friendship without reserve. --
There are characters which, like similar particles of matter,
strongly attract each other. -- He forthwith introduced me to his
father-in-law, farmer Bland, who was well acquainted with every
acre of my estate, of consequence well qualified to advise me on
this occasion. -- Finding I was inclined to embrace a country life,
and even to amuse myself with the occupation of farming, he
approved of my design -- He gave me to understand that all my farms
were underlett; that the estate was capable of great improvement;
that there was plenty of chalk in the neighbourhood; and that my
own ground produced excellent marle for manure. -- With respect to
the farm, which was like to fall into my hands, he said he would
willingly take it at the present rent; but at the same time
owned, that if I would expend two hundred pounds in enclosure, it
would be worth more than double the sum.

'Thus encouraged, I began the execution of my scheme without
further delay, and plunged into a sea of expence, though I had no
fund in reserve, and the whole produce of the estate did not
exceed three hundred pounds a year -- In one week, my house was
made weather-tight, and thoroughly cleansed from top to bottom;
then it was well ventilated by throwing all the doors and windows
open, and making blazing fires of wood in every chimney from the
kitchen to the garrets. The floors were repaired, the sashes new
glazed, and out of the old furniture of the whole house, I made
shift to fit up a parlour and three chambers in a plain yet
decent manner. -- The court-yard was cleared of weeds and rubbish,
and my friend Wilson charged himself with the dressing of the
garden; bricklayers were set at work upon the barn and stable;
and labourers engaged to restore the fences, and begin the work
of hedging and ditching, under the direction of farmer Bland, at
whose recommendation I hired a careful hind to lie in the house,
and keep constant fires in the apartments.

'Having taken these measures, I returned to London, where I
forthwith sold off my household-furniture, and, in three weeks
from my first visit, brought my wife hither to keep her
Christmas. -- Considering the gloomy season of the year, the
dreariness of the place, and the decayed aspect of our
habitation, I was afraid that her resolution would sink under the
sudden transition from a town life to such a melancholy state of
rustication; but I was agreeably disappointed. -- She found the
reality less uncomfortable than the picture I had drawn. -- By this
time indeed, things were mended in appearance -- The out-houses had
risen out of their ruins; the pigeon-house was rebuilt, and
replenished by Wilson, who also put my garden in decent order,
and provided a good stock of poultry, which made an agreeable
figure in my yard; and the house, on the whole, looked like the
habitation of human creatures. -- Farmer Bland spared me a milch
cow for my family, and an ordinary saddle-horse for my servant to
go to market at the next town. -- I hired a country lad for a
footman, the hind's daughter was my house-maid, and my wife had
brought a cook-maid from London.

'Such was my family when I began house-keeping in this place,
with three hundred pounds in my pocket, raised from the sale of
my superfluous furniture. -- I knew we should find occupation
enough through the day to employ our time; but I dreaded the long
winter evenings; yet, for those too we found a remedy: The
curate, who was a single man, soon became so naturalized to the
family, that he generally lay in the house; and his company was
equally agreeable and useful. He was a modest man, a good
scholar, and perfectly well qualified to instruct me in such
country matters as I wanted to know. -- Mr Wilson brought his wife
to see us, and she became so fond of Mrs Dennison, that she said
she was never so happy as when she enjoyed the benefit of her
conversation. -- She was then a fine buxom country lass,
exceedingly docile, and as good-natured as her husband Jack
Wilson; so that a friendship ensued among the women, which hath
continued to this day.

'As for Jack, he hath been my constant companion, counsellor, and
commissary. -- I would not for a hundred pounds you should leave my
house without seeing him. -- Jack is an universal genius -- his
talents are really astonishing: -- He is an excellent carpenter,
joiner, and turner, and a cunning artist in iron and brass. -- He
not only superintended my oeconomy, but also presided over my
pastimes -- He taught me to brew beer, to make cyder, perry, mead,
usquebaugh, and plague-water; to cook several outlandish
delicacies, such as ollas, pepper-pots, pillaws, corys, chabobs,
and stufatas. -- He understands all manner of games from chess down
to chuck-farthing, sings a good song, plays upon the violin, and
dances a hornpipe with surprising agility. -- He and I walked, and
rode, and hunted, and fished together, without minding the
vicissitudes of the weather; and I am persuaded, that in a raw,
moist climate, like this of England, continual exercise is as
necessary as food to the preservation of the individual. -- In the
course of two and twenty years, there has not been one hour's
interruption or abatement in the friendship subsisting between
Wilson's family and mine; and, what is a rare instance of good
fortune, that friendship is continued to our children. -- His son
and mine are nearly of the same age and the same disposition;
they have been bred up together at the same school and college,
and love each other with the warmest affection.

'By Wilson's means, I likewise formed an acquaintance with a
sensible physician, who lives in the next market-town; and his
sister, an agreeable old maiden, passed the Christmas holidays at
our house. Mean while I began my farming with great eagerness,
and that very winter planted these groves that please you so
much. -- As for the neighbouring gentry, I had no trouble from that
quarter during my first campaign; they were all gone to town
before I settled in the country; and by the summer I had taken
measures to defend myself from their attacks. -- When a gay
equipage came to my gates, I was never at home; those who visited
me in a modest way, I received; and according to the remarks I
made on their characters and conversation, either rejected their
advances, or returned their civility -- I was in general despised
among the fashionable company, as a low fellow, both in breeding
and circumstances; nevertheless, I found a few individuals of
moderate fortune, who gladly adopted my stile of living; and many
others would have acceded to our society, had they not been
prevented by the pride, envy, and ambition of their wives and
daughters. -- Those, in times of luxury and dissipation, are the
rocks upon which all the small estates in the country are
wrecked.

'I reserved in my own hands, some acres of ground adjacent to the
house, for making experiments in agriculture, according to the
directions of Lyle, Tull, Hart, Duhamel, and others who have
written on this subject; and qualified their theory with the
practical observations of farmer Bland, who was my great master
in the art of husbandry. -- In short, I became enamoured of a
country life; and my success greatly exceeded my expectation -- I
drained bogs, burned heath, grubbed up furze and fern; I planted
copse and willows where nothing else would grow; I gradually
inclosed all my farms, and made such improvements that my estate
now yields me clear twelve hundred pounds a year -- All this time
my wife and I have enjoyed uninterrupted health, and a regular
flow of spirits, except on a very few occasions, when our
cheerfulness was invaded by such accidents as are inseparable
from the condition of life. I lost two children in their infancy,
by the small-pox, so that I have one son only, in whom all our
hopes are centered. -- He went yesterday to visit a friend, with
whom he has stayed all night, but he will be here to dinner. -- I
shall this day have the pleasure of presenting him to you and
your family; and I flatter myself you will find him not
altogether unworthy of our affection.

'The truth is, either I am blinded by the partiality of a parent,
or he is a boy of very amiable character; and yet his conduct has
given us unspeakable disquiet. -- You must know, we had projected a
match between him and a gentleman's daughter in the next county,
who will in all probability be heiress of a considerable fortune;
but, it seems, he had a personal disgust to the alliance.
He was then at Cambridge, and tried to gain time on various
pretences; but being pressed in letters by his mother and me to
give a definitive answer, he fairly gave his tutor the slip, and
disappeared about eight months ago. -- Before he took this rash
step, he wrote me a letter, explaining his objections to the
match, and declaring, that he would keep himself concealed until
he should understand that his parents would dispense with his
contracting an engagement that must make him miserable for life,
and he prescribed the form of advertising in a certain newspaper,
by which he might be apprized of our sentiments on this subject.

'You may easily conceive how much we were alarmed and afflicted
by this elopement, which he had made without dropping the least
hint to his companion Charles Wilson, who belonged to the same
college. -- We resolved to punish him with the appearance of
neglect, in hopes that he would return of his own accord; but he
maintained his purpose till the young lady chose a partner for
herself; then he produced himself, and made his peace by the
mediation of Wilson. -- Suppose we should unite our families by
joining him with your niece, who is one of the most lovely
creatures I ever beheld. -- My wife is already as fond of her as if
she were her own child, and I have a presentiment that my son
will be captivated by her at first sight.' 'Nothing could be more
agreeable to all our family (said I) than such an alliance; but,
my dear friend, candour obliges me to tell you, that I am afraid
Liddy's heart is not wholly disengaged -- there is a cursed
obstacle' -- 'You mean the young stroller at Gloucester (said he) --
You are surprised that I should know this circumstance; but you
will be more surprised when I tell you that stroller is no other
than my son George Dennison -- That was the character he assumed in
his eclipse.' 'I am, indeed, astonished and overjoyed (cried I),
and shall be happy beyond expression to see your proposal take
effect.'

He then gave me to understand that the young gentleman, at his
emerging from concealment, had disclosed his passion for Miss
Melford, the niece of Mr Bramble, of Monmouthshire. Though Mr
Dennison little dreamed that this was his old friend Matthew
Loyd, he nevertheless furnished his son with proper credentials,
and he had been at Bath, London, and many other places in quest
of us, to make himself and his pretensions known.

The bad success of his enquiry had such an effect upon his
spirits, that immediately at his return he was seized with a
dangerous fever, which overwhelmed his parents with terror and
affliction; but he was now happily recovered, though still weak
and disconsolate. My nephew joining us in our walk, I informed
him of these circumstances, with which he was wonderfully
pleased. He declared he would promote the match to the utmost of
his power, and that he longed to embrace young Mr Dennison as his
friend and brother. -- Mean while, the father went to desire his
wife to communicate this discovery gradually to Liddy, that her
delicate nerves might not suffer too sudden a shock; and I
imparted the particulars to my sister Tabby, who expressed some
surprize, not altogether unmixed, I believe, with an emotion of
envy; for, though she could have no objection to an alliance at
once so honourable and advantageous, she hesitated in giving her
consent on pretence of the youth and inexperience of the parties:
at length, however, she acquiesced, in consequence of having
consulted with captain Lismahago.

Mr Dennison took care to be in the way when his son arrived at
the gate, and, without giving him time or opportunity to make any
enquiry about the strangers, brought him up stairs to be
presented to Mr Loyd and his family -- The first person he saw when
he entered the room, was Liddy, who, notwithstanding all her
preparation, stood trembling in the utmost confusion -- At sight of
this object he was fixed motionless to the floor, and, gazing at
her with the utmost eagerness of astonishment, exclaimed, 'Sacred
heaven! what is this! -- ha! wherefore --' Here his speech failing,
he stood straining his eyes, in the most emphatic silence 'George
(said his father), this is my friend Mr Loyd.' Roused at this
intimation, he turned and received my salute, when I said, 'Young
gentleman, if you had trusted me with your secret at our last
meeting, we should have parted upon better terms.' Before he
could make any answer, Jery came round and stood before him with
open arms. -- At first, he started and changed colour; but after a
short pause, he rushed into his embrace, and they hugged one
another as if they had been intimate friends from their infancy:
then he payed his respects to Mrs Tabitha, and advancing to
Liddy, 'Is it possible, (cried he), that my senses do not play me
false! that I see Miss Melford under my father's roof -- that I am
permitted to speak to her without giving offence -- and that her
relations have honoured me with their countenance and
protection.' Liddy blushed, and trembled, and faltered -- 'To be
sure, sir (said she), it is a very surprising circumstance -- a
great -- a providential - -I really know not what I say -- but I beg
you will think I have said what's agreeable.'

Mrs Dennison interposing said, 'Compose yourselves, my dear
children. -- Your mutual happiness shall be our peculiar care.' The
son going up to his mother, kissed one hand; my niece bathed the
other with her tears; and the good old lady pressed them both in
their turns to her breast. -- The lovers were too much affected to
get rid of their embarrassment for one day; but the scene was
much enlivened by the arrival of Jack Wilson, who brought, as
usual, some game of his own killing -- His honest countenance was a
good letter of recommendation. I received him like a dear friend
after a long separation; and I could not help wondering to see
him shake Jery by the hand as an old acquaintance -- They had,
indeed, been acquainted some days, in consequence of a diverting
incident, which I shall explain at meeting. That same night a
consultation was held upon the concerns of the lovers, when the
match was formally agreed to, and all the marriage articles were
settled without the least dispute. -- My nephew and I promised to
make Liddy's fortune five thousand pounds. Mr Dennison declared,
he would make over one half of his estate immediately to his son,
and that his daughter-in-law should be secured in a jointure of
four hundred -- Tabby proposed, that, considering their youth, they
should undergo one year at least, of probation before the
indissoluble knot should be tied; but the young gentleman being
very impatient and importunate, and the scheme implying that the
young couple should live in the house, under the wings of his
parents, we resolved to make them happy without further delay.

As the law requires that the parties should be some weeks
resident in the parish, we shall stay here till the ceremony is
performed. -- Mr Lismahago requests that he may take the benefit of
the same occasion; so that next Sunday the banns will be
published for all four together. -- I doubt I shall not be able to
pass my Christmas with you at Brambleton-hall. -- Indeed, I am so
agreeably situated in this place, that I have no desire to shift
my quarters; and I foresee, that when the day of separation
comes, there will be abundance of sorrow on all sides. -- In the
mean time, we must make the most of those blessings which Heaven
bestows. -- Considering how you are tethered by your profession, I
cannot hope to see you so far from home; yet the distance does
not exceed a summer-day's journey, and Charles Dennison, who
desires to be remembered to you, would be rejoiced to see his old
compotator; but as I am now stationary, I expect regular answers
to the epistles of

Yours invariably,
MATT. BRAMBLE
Oct. 11.

To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. at Oxon.

DEAR WAT,

Every day is now big with incident and discovery -- Young Mr
Dennison proves to be no other than that identical person whom I
have execrated so long, under the name of Wilson -- He had eloped
from college at Cambridge, to avoid a match that he detested, and
acted in different parts of the country as a stroller, until the
lady in question made choice of a husband for herself; then he
returned to his father, and disclosed his passion for Liddy,
which met with the approbation of his parents, though the father
little imagined that Mr Bramble was his old companion Matthew
Loyd. The young gentleman, being impowered to make honourable
proposals to my uncle and me, had been in search of us all over
England, without effect; and he it was whom I had seen pass on
horseback by the window of the inn, where I stood with my sister,
but he little dreamed that we were in the house -- As for the real
Mr Wilson, whom I called forth to combat, by mistake, he is the
neighbour and intimate friend of old Mr Dennison, and this
connexion had suggested to the son the idea of taking that name
while he remained in obscurity.

You may easily conceive what pleasure I must have felt on
discovering that the honour of our family was in no danger from
the conduct of a sister whom I love with uncommon affection;
that, instead of debasing her sentiments and views to a wretched
stroller, she had really captivated the heart of a gentleman, her
equal in rank and superior in fortune; and that, as his parents
approved of his attachment, I was on the eve of acquiring a
brother-in-law so worthy of my friendship and esteem. George
Dennison is, without all question, one of the most accomplished
young fellows in England. His person is at once elegant and
manly, and his understanding highly cultivated. Tho' his spirit
is lofty, his heart is kind; and his manner so engaging, as to
command veneration and love, even from malice and indifference.
When I weigh my own character with his, I am ashamed to find
myself so light in the balance; but the comparison excites no
envy -- I propose him as a model for imitation -- I have endeavoured
to recommend myself to his friendship, and hope I have already
found a place in his affection. I am, however, mortified to
reflect what flagrant injustice we every day commit, and what
absurd judgment we form, in viewing objects through the
falsifying mediums of prejudice and passion. Had you asked me a
few days ago, the picture of Wilson the player, I should have
drawn a portrait very unlike the real person and character of
George Dennison. Without all doubt, the greatest advantage
acquired in travelling and perusing mankind in the original, is
that of dispelling those shameful clouds that darken the
faculties of the mind, preventing it from judging with candour
and precision.

The real Wilson is a great original, and the best tempered,
companionable man I ever knew -- I question if ever he was angry or
low-spirited in his life. He makes no pretensions to letters; but
he is an adept in every thing else that can be either useful or
entertaining. Among other qualifications, he is a complete
sportsman, and counted the best shot in the county. He and
Dennison, and Lismahago and I, attended by Clinker, went a-shooting
yesterday, and made a great havock among the partridges --
To-morrow we shall take the field against the woodcocks and
snipes. In the evening we dance and sing, or play at commerce,
loo, and quadrille.

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