The Tremendous Adventures of Major Gahagan
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William Makepeace Thackeray >> The Tremendous Adventures of Major Gahagan
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Very soon after, coffee was brought by Monsieur Marchand,
Napoleon's valet-de-chambre, and after partaking of that beverage,
and talking upon the politics of the day, the Emperor withdrew,
leaving me deeply impressed by the condescension he had shown in
this remarkable interview.
CHAPTER III: A PEEP INTO SPAIN--ACCOUNT OF THE ORIGIN AND SERVICES
OF THE AHMEDNUGGAR IRREGULARS
HEADQUARTERS, MORELLA: September 15, 1838
I have been here for some months, along with my young friend
Cabrera: and in the hurry and bustle of war--daily on guard and in
the batteries for sixteen hours out of the twenty-four, with
fourteen severe wounds and seven musket-balls in my body--it may be
imagined that I have had little time to think about the publication
of my memoirs. Inter arma silent leges--in the midst of fighting
be hanged to writing! as the poet says; and I never would have
bothered myself with a pen, had not common gratitude incited me to
throw off a few pages.
Along with Oraa's troops, who have of late been beleaguering this
place, there was a young Milesian gentleman, Mr. Toone O'Connor
Emmett Fitzgerald Sheeny by name, a law student, and a member of
Gray's Inn, and what he called Bay Ah of Trinity College, Dublin.
Mr. Sheeny was with the Queen's people, not in a military capacity,
but as representative of an English journal; to which, for a
trifling weekly remuneration, he was in the habit of transmitting
accounts of the movements of the belligerents, and his own opinion
of the politics of Spain. Receiving, for the discharge of his
duty, a couple of guineas a week from the proprietors of the
journal in question, he was enabled, as I need scarcely say, to
make such a show in Oraa's camp as only a Christino general
officer, or at the very least a colonel of a regiment, can afford
to keep up.
In the famous sortie which we made upon the twenty-third, I was of
course among the foremost in the melee, and found myself, after a
good deal of slaughtering (which it would be as disagreeable as
useless to describe here), in the court of a small inn or podesta,
which had been made the headquarters of several Queenite officers
during the siege. The pesatero or landlord of the inn had been
despatched by my brave chapel-churies, with his fine family of
children--the officers quartered in the podesta had of course
bolted; but one man remained, and my fellows were on the point of
cutting him into ten thousand pieces with their borachios, when I
arrived in the room time enough to prevent the catastrophe. Seeing
before me an individual in the costume of a civilian--a white hat,
a light blue satin cravat, embroidered with butterflies and other
quadrupeds, a green coat and brass buttons, and a pair of blue
plaid trousers, I recognised at once a countryman, and interposed
to save his life.
In an agonised brogue the unhappy young man was saying all that he
could to induce the chapel-churies to give up their intention of
slaughtering him; but it is very little likely that his
protestations would have had any effect upon them, had not I
appeared in the room, and shouted to the ruffians to hold their
hand.
Seeing a general officer before them (I have the honour to hold
that rank in the service of His Catholic Majesty), and moreover one
six feet four in height, and armed with that terrible cabecilla (a
sword so called, because it is five feet long) which is so well
known among the Spanish armies--seeing, I say, this figure, the
fellows retired, exclaiming, "Adios, corpo di bacco nosotros," and
so on, clearly proving (by their words) that they would, if they
dared, have immolated the victim whom I had thus rescued from their
fury. "Villains!" shouted I, hearing them grumble, "away! quit the
apartment!" Each man, sulkily sheathing his sombrero, obeyed, and
quitted the camarilla.
It was then that Mr. Sheeny detailed to me the particulars to which
I have briefly adverted; and, informing me at the same time that he
had a family in England who would feel obliged to me for his
release, and that his most intimate friend the English Ambassador
would move heaven and earth to revenge his fall, he directed my
attention to a portmanteau passably well filled, which he hoped
would satisfy the cupidity of my troops. I said, though with much
regret, that I must subject his person to a search; and hence arose
the circumstance which has called for what I fear you will consider
a somewhat tedious explanation. I found upon Mr. Sheeny's person
three sovereigns in English money (which I have to this day), and
singularly enough a copy of the New Monthly Magazine, containing a
portion of my adventures. It was a toss-up whether I should let
the poor young man be shot or no, but this little circumstance
saved his life. The gratified vanity of authorship induced me to
accept his portmanteau and valuables, and to allow the poor wretch
to go free. I put the Magazine in my coat-pocket, and left him and
the podesta.
The men, to my surprise, had quitted the building, and it was full
time for me to follow; for I found our sallying party, after
committing dreadful ravages in Oraa's lines, were in full retreat
upon the fort, hotly pressed by a superior force of the enemy. I
am pretty well known and respected by the men of both parties in
Spain (indeed I served for some months on the Queen's side before I
came over to Don Carlos); and, as it is my maxim never to give
quarter, I never expect to receive it when taken myself. On
issuing from the podesta with Sheeny's portmanteau and my sword in
my hand, I was a little disgusted and annoyed to see our own men in
a pretty good column retreating at double-quick, and about four
hundred yards beyond me, up the hill leading to the fort; while on
my left hand, and at only a hundred yards, a troop of the Queenite
lancers were clattering along the road.
I had got into the very middle of the road before I made this
discovery, so that the fellows had a full sight of me, and whizz!
came a bullet by my left whisker before I could say Jack Robinson.
I looked round--there were seventy of the accursed malvados at the
least, and within, as I said, a hundred yards. Were I to say that
I stopped to fight seventy men, you would write me down a fool or a
liar: no, sir, I did not fight, I ran away.
I am six feet four--my figure is as well known in the Spanish army
as that of the Count de Luchana, or my fierce little friend Cabrera
himself. "GAHAGAN!" shouted out half-a-dozen scoundrelly voices,
and fifty more shots came rattling after me. I was running--
running as the brave stag before the hounds--running as I have done
a great number of times before in my life, when there was no help
for it but a race.
After I had run about five hundred yards, I saw that I had gained
nearly three upon our column in front, and that likewise the
Christino horsemen were left behind some hundred yards more; with
the exception of three, who were fearfully near me. The first was
an officer without a lance; he had fired both his pistols at me,
and was twenty yards in advance of his comrades; there was a
similar distance between the two lancers who rode behind him. I
determined then to wait for No. 1, and as he came up delivered cut
3 at his horse's near leg--off it flew, and down, as I expected,
went horse and man. I had hardly time to pass my sword through my
prostrate enemy, when No. 2 was upon me. If I could but get that
fellow's horse, thought I, I am safe; and I executed at once the
plan which I hoped was to effect my rescue.
I had, as I said, left the podesta with Sheeny's portmanteau, and,
unwilling to part with some of the articles it contained--some
shirts, a bottle of whisky, a few cakes of Windsor soap, &c. &c.,--
I had carried it thus far on my shoulders, but now was compelled to
sacrifice it malgre moi. As the lancer came up, I dropped my sword
from my right hand, and hurled the portmanteau at his head, with
aim so true, that he fell back on his saddle like a sack, and thus
when the horse galloped up to me, I had no difficulty in
dismounting the rider: the whisky-bottle struck him over his right
eye, and he was completely stunned. To dash him from the saddle
and spring myself into it, was the work of a moment; indeed, the
two combats had taken place in about a fifth part of the time which
it has taken the reader to peruse the description. But in the
rapidity of the last encounter, and the mounting of my enemy's
horse, I had committed a very absurd oversight--I was scampering
away WITHOUT MY SWORD! What was I to do?--to scamper on, to be
sure, and trust to the legs of my horse for safety!
The lancer behind me gained on me every moment, and I could hear
his horrid laugh as he neared me. I leaned forward jockey-fashion
in my saddle, and kicked, and urged, and flogged with my hand, but
all in vain. Closer--closer--the point of his lance was within two
feet of my back. Ah! ah! he delivered the point, and fancy my
agony when I felt it enter--through exactly fifty-nine pages of the
New Monthly Magazine. Had it not been for that Magazine, I should
have been impaled without a shadow of a doubt. Was I wrong in
feeling gratitude? Had I not cause to continue my contributions to
that periodical?
When I got safe into Morella, along with the tail of the sallying
party, I was for the first time made acquainted with the ridiculous
result of the lancer's thrust (as he delivered his lance, I must
tell you that a ball came whizz over my head from our fellows, and
entering at his nose, put a stop to his lancing for the future). I
hastened to Cabrera's quarter, and related to him some of my
adventures during the day.
"But, General," said he, "you are standing. I beg you chiudete
l'uscio (take a chair)."
I did so, and then for the first time was aware that there was some
foreign substance in the tail of my coat, which prevented my
sitting at ease. I drew out the Magazine which I had seized, and
there, to my wonder, discovered the Christino lance twisted up like
a fish-hook or a pastoral crook.
"Ha! ha! ha!" said Cabrera (who is a notorious wag).
"Valdepenas madrilenos," growled out Tristany.
"By my cachuca di caballero (upon my honour as a gentleman),"
shrieked out Ros d'Eroles, convulsed with laughter, "I will send it
to the Bishop of Leon for a crozier."
"Gahagan has CONSECRATED it," giggled out Ramon Cabrera; and so
they went on with their muchacas for an hour or more. But, when
they heard that the means of my salvation from the lance of the
scoundrelly Christino had been the Magazine containing my own
history, their laugh was changed into wonder. I read them
(speaking Spanish more fluently than English) every word of my
story. "But how is this?" said Cabrera. "You surely have other
adventures to relate?"
"Excellent sir," said I, "I have;" and that very evening, as we sat
over our cups of tertullia (sangaree), I continued my narrative in
nearly the following words:-
"I left off in the very middle of the battle of Delhi, which ended,
as everybody knows, in the complete triumph of the British arms.
But who gained the battle? Lord Lake is called Viscount Lake of
Delhi and Laswaree, while Major Gaha--nonsense, never mind HIM,
never mind the charge he executed when, sabre in hand, he leaped
the six-foot wall in the mouth of the roaring cannon, over the
heads of the gleaming pikes; when, with one hand seizing the sacred
peishcush, or fish--which was the banner always borne before
Scindiah,--he, with his good sword, cut off the trunk of the famous
white elephant, which, shrieking with agony, plunged madly into the
Mahratta ranks, followed by his giant brethren, tossing, like chaff
before the wind, the affrighted kitmatgars. He, meanwhile, now
plunging into the midst of a battalion of consomahs, now cleaving
to the chine a screaming and ferocious bobbachee, {4} rushed on,
like the simoom across the red Zaharan plain, killing, with his own
hand, a hundred and forty-thr--but never mind--'ALONE HE DID IT;'
sufficient be it for him, however, that the victory was won: he
cares not for the empty honours which were awarded to more
fortunate men!
"We marched after the battle to Delhi, where poor blind old Shah
Allum received us, and bestowed all kinds of honours and titles on
our General. As each of the officers passed before him, the Shah
did not fail to remark my person, {5} and was told my name.
"Lord Lake whispered to him my exploits, and the old man was so
delighted with the account of my victory over the elephant (whose
trunk I use to this day), that he said, 'Let him be called
GUJPUTI,' or the lord of elephants; and Gujputi was the name by
which I was afterwards familiarly known among the natives,--the
men, that is. The women had a softer appellation for me, and
called me 'Mushook,' or charmer.
"Well, I shall not describe Delhi, which is doubtless well known to
the reader; nor the siege of Agra, to which place we went from
Delhi; nor the terrible day at Laswaree, which went nigh to finish
the war. Suffice it to say that we were victorious, and that I was
wounded; as I have invariably been in the two hundred and four
occasions when I have found myself in action. One point, however,
became in the course of this campaign QUITE evident--THAT SOMETHING
MUST BE DONE FOR GAHAGAN. The country cried shame, the King's
troops grumbled, the sepoys openly murmured that their Gujputi was
only a lieutenant, when he had performed such signal services.
What was to be done? Lord Wellesley was in an evident quandary.
'Gahagan,' wrote he, 'to be a subaltern is evidently not your fate-
-YOU WERE BORN FOR COMMAND; but Lake and General Wellesley are good
officers, they cannot be turned out--I must make a post for you.
What say you, my dear fellow, to a corps of IRREGULAR HORSE?'
"It was thus that the famous corps of AHMEDNUGGAR IRREGULARS had
its origin; a guerilla force, it is true, but one which will long
be remembered in the annals of our Indian campaigns.
* * *
"As the commander of this regiment, I was allowed to settle the
uniform of the corps, as well as to select recruits. These were
not wanting as soon as my appointment was made known, but came
flocking to my standard a great deal faster than to the regular
corps in the Company's service. I had European officers, of
course, to command them, and a few of my countrymen as sergeants;
the rest were all natives, whom I chose of the strongest and
bravest men in India; chiefly Pitans, Afghans, Hurrumzadehs, and
Calliawns: for these are well known to be the most warlike
districts of our Indian territory.
"When on parade and in full uniform we made a singular and noble
appearance. I was always fond of dress; and, in this instance gave
a carte blanche to my taste, and invented the most splendid costume
that ever perhaps decorated a soldier. I am, as I have stated
already, six feet four inches in height, and of matchless symmetry
and proportion. My hair and beard are of the most brilliant
auburn, so bright as scarcely to be distinguished at a distance
from scarlet. My eyes are bright blue, overshadowed by bushy
eyebrows of the colour of my hair, and a terrific gash of the
deepest purple, which goes over the forehead, the eyelid, and the
cheek, and finishes at the ear, gives my face a more strictly
military appearance than can be conceived. When I have been
drinking (as is pretty often the case) this gash becomes ruby
bright, and as I have another which took off a piece of my under-
lip, and shows five of my front teeth, I leave you to imagine that
'seldom lighted on the earth' (as the monster Burke remarked of one
of his unhappy victims) 'a more extraordinary vision.' I improved
these natural advantages; and, while in cantonment during the hot
winds at Chittybobbary, allowed my hair to grow very long, as did
my beard, which reached to my waist. It took me two hours daily to
curl my hair in ten thousand little corkscrew ringlets, which waved
over my shoulders, and to get my moustaches well round to the
corners of my eyelids. I dressed in loose scarlet trousers and red
morocco boots, a scarlet jacket, and a shawl of the same colour
round my waist; a scarlet turban three feet high, and decorated
with a tuft of the scarlet feathers of the flamingo, formed my
head-dress, and I did not allow myself a single ornament, except a
small silver skull and cross-bones in front of my turban. Two
brace of pistols, a Malay creese, and a tulwar, sharp on both
sides, and very nearly six feet in length, completed this elegant
costume. My two flags were each surmounted with a real skull and
cross-bones, and ornamented one with a black, and the other with a
red beard (of enormous length, taken from men slain in battle by
me). On one flag were of course the arms of John Company; on the
other, an image of myself bestriding a prostrate elephant, with the
simple word 'GUJPUTI' written underneath in the Nagaree, Persian,
and Sanscrit characters. I rode my black horse, and looked, by the
immortal gods, like Mars. To me might be applied the words which
were written concerning handsome General Webb, in Marlborough's
time:-
"'To noble danger he conducts the way,
His great example all his troop obey,
Before the front the Major sternly rides,
With such an air as Mars to battle strides.
Propitious Heaven must sure a hero save
Like Paris handsome, and like Hector brave!'
"My officers (Captains Biggs and Mackanulty, Lieutenants Glogger,
Pappendick, Stuffle, &c. &c.) were dressed exactly in the same way,
but in yellow; and the men were similarly equipped, but in black.
I have seen many regiments since, and many ferocious-looking men,
but the Ahmednuggar Irregulars were more dreadful to the view than
any set of ruffians on which I ever set eyes. I would to Heaven
that the Czar of Muscovy had passed through Cabool and Lahore, and
that I with my old Ahmednuggars stood on a fair field to meet him!
Bless you, bless you, my swart companions in victory! through the
mist of twenty years I hear the booming of your war-cry, and mark
the glitter of your scimitars as ye rage in the thickest of the
battle! {6}
"But away with melancholy reminiscences. You may fancy what a
figure the Irregulars cut on a field-day--a line of five hundred
black-faced, black-dressed, black-horsed, black-bearded men--Biggs,
Glogger, and the other officers in yellow, galloping about the
field like flashes of lightning; myself enlightening them, red,
solitary, and majestic, like yon glorious orb in heaven.
"There are very few men, I presume, who have not heard of Holkar's
sudden and gallant incursion into the Dooab, in the year 1804, when
we thought that the victory of Laswaree and the brilliant success
at Deeg had completely finished him. Taking ten thousand horse he
broke up his camp at Palimbang; and the first thing General Lake
heard of him was, that he was at Putna, then at Rumpooge, then at
Doncaradam--he was, in fact, in the very heart of our territory.
"The unfortunate part of the affair was this:- His Excellency,
despising the Mahratta chieftain, had allowed him to advance about
two thousand miles in his front, and knew not in the slightest
degree where to lay hold on him. Was he at Hazarubaug? was he at
Bogly Gunge? nobody knew, and for a considerable period the
movements of Lake's cavalry were quite ambiguous, uncertain,
promiscuous, and undetermined.
"Such, briefly, was the state of affairs in October 1804. At the
beginning of that month I had been wounded (a trifling scratch,
cutting off my left upper eyelid, a bit of my cheek, and my under-
lip), and I was obliged to leave Biggs in command of my Irregulars,
whilst I retired for my wounds to an English station at
Furruckabad, alias Futtyghur--it is, as every twopenny postman
knows, at the apex of the Dooab. We have there a cantonment, and
thither I went for the mere sake of the surgeon and the sticking-
plaster.
"Furruckabad, then, is divided into two districts or towns: the
lower Cotwal, inhabited by the natives, and the upper (which is
fortified slightly, and has all along been called Futtyghur,
meaning in Hindustanee 'the-favourite-resort-of-the-white-faced-
Feringhees-near-the-mango-tope-consecrated-to-Ram'), occupied by
Europeans. (It is astonishing, by the way, how comprehensive that
language is, and how much can be conveyed in one or two of the
commonest phrases.)
"Biggs, then, and my men were playing all sorts of wondrous pranks
with Lord Lake's army, whilst I was detained an unwilling prisoner
of health at Futtyghur.
"An unwilling prisoner, however, I should not say. The cantonment
at Futtyghur contained that which would have made any man a happy
slave. Woman, lovely woman, was there in abundance and variety!
The fact is, that, when the campaign commenced in 1803, the ladies
of the army all congregated to this place, where they were left, as
it was supposed, in safety. I might, like Homer, relate the names
and qualities of all. I may at least mention SOME whose memory is
still most dear to me. There was -
"Mrs. Major-General Bulcher, wife of Bulcher of the Infantry.
"Miss Bulcher.
"MISS BELINDA BULCHER (whose name I beg the printer to place in
large capitals).
"Mrs. Colonel Vandegobbleschroy.
"Mrs. Major Macan and the four Misses Macan.
"The Honourable Mrs. Burgoo, Mrs. Flix, Hicks, Wicks, and many more
too numerous to mention. The flower of our camp was, however,
collected there, and the last words of Lord Lake to me, as I left
him, were, 'Gahagan, I commit those women to your charge. Guard
them with your life, watch over them with your honour, defend them
with the matchless power of your indomitable arm.'
"Futtyghur is, as I have said, a European station, and the pretty
air of the bungalows, amid the clustering topes of mango-trees, has
often ere this excited the admiration of the tourist and sketcher.
On the brow of a hill--the Burrumpooter river rolls majestically at
its base; and no spot, in a word, can be conceived more exquisitely
arranged, both by art and nature, as a favourite residence of the
British fair. Mrs. Bulcher, Mrs. Vandegobbleschroy, and the other
married ladies above mentioned, had each of them delightful
bungalows and gardens in the place, and between one cottage and
another my time passed as delightfully as can the hours of any man
who is away from his darling occupation of war.
"I was the commandant of the fort. It is a little insignificant
pettah, defended simply by a couple of gabions, a very ordinary
counterscarp, and a bomb-proof embrasure. On the top of this my
flag was planted, and the small garrison of forty men only were
comfortably barracked off in the casemates within. A surgeon and
two chaplains (there were besides three reverend gentlemen of
amateur missions, who lived in the town), completed, as I may say,
the garrison of our little fortalice, which I was left to defend
and to command.
"On the night of the first of November, in the year 1804, I had
invited Mrs. Major-General Bulcher and her daughters, Mrs.
Vandegobbleschroy, and, indeed, all the ladies in the cantonment,
to a little festival in honour of the recovery of my health, of the
commencement of the shooting season, and indeed as a farewell
visit, for it was my intention to take dawk the very next morning
and return to my regiment. The three amateur missionaries whom I
have mentioned, and some ladies in the cantonment of very rigid
religious principles, refused to appear at my little party. They
had better never have been born than have done as they did: as you
shall hear.
"We had been dancing merrily all night, and the supper (chiefly of
the delicate condor, the luscious adjutant, and other birds of a
similar kind, which I had shot in the course of the day) had been
duly feted by every lady and gentleman present; when I took an
opportunity to retire on the ramparts, with the interesting and
lovely Belinda Bulcher. I was occupied, as the French say, in
CONTER-ing fleurettes to this sweet young creature, when, all of a
sudden, a rocket was seen whizzing through the air, and a strong
light was visible in the valley below the little fort.
"'What, fireworks! Captain Gahagan,' said Belinda; 'this is too
gallant.'
"'Indeed, my dear Miss Bulcher,' said I, 'they are fireworks of
which I have no idea: perhaps our friends the missionaries--'
"'Look, look!' said Belinda, trembling, and clutching tightly hold
of my arm: 'what do I see? yes--no--yes! it is--OUR BUNGALOW IS IN
FLAMES!'
"It was true, the spacious bungalow occupied by Mrs. Major-General
was at that moment seen a prey to the devouring element--another
and another succeeded it--seven bungalows, before I could almost
ejaculate the name of Jack Robinson, were seen blazing brightly in
the black midnight air!
"I seized my night-glass, and looking towards the spot where the
conflagration raged, what was my astonishment to see thousands of
black forms dancing round the fires; whilst by their lights I could
observe columns after columns of Indian horse, arriving and taking
up their ground in the very middle of the open square or tank,
round which the bungalows were built!
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