The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan

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CHORUS.--His foot should stamp, etc.

[All dance off excepting RALPH, who remains, leaning pensively
against
bulwark.

Enter JOSEPHINE from cabin

JOS. It is useless--Sir Joseph's attentions nauseate me. I know
that he
is a truly great and good man, for he told me so himself, but to
me he
seems tedious, fretful, and dictatorial. Yet his must be a mind
of no
common order, or he would not dare to teach my dear father to
dance a
hornpipe on the cabin table. (Sees RALPH.) Ralph Rackstraw!
(Overcome by
emotion.)
RALPH. Aye, lady--no other than poor Ralph Rackstraw!
JOS. (aside). How my heart beats! (Aloud) And why poor, Ralph?
RALPH. I am poor in the essence of happiness, lady--rich only
in never-
ending unrest. In me there meet a combination of antithetical
elements
which are at eternal war with one another. Driven hither by
objective
influences--thither by subjective emotions--wafted one moment
into
blazing day, by mocking hope--plunged the next into the Cimmerian
darkness of tangible despair, I am but a living ganglion of
irreconcilable antagonisms. I hope I make myself clear, lady?
JOS. Perfectly. (Aside.) His simple eloquence goes to my heart.
Oh, if
I dared--but no, the thought is madness! (Aloud.) Dismiss these
foolish
fancies, they torture you but needlessly. Come, make one effort.
RALPH (aside). I will--one. (Aloud.) Josephine!
JOS. (Indignantly). Sir!
RALPH. Aye, even though Jove's armoury were launched at the
head of the
audacious mortal whose lips, unhallowed by relationship, dared to
breathe
that precious word, yet would I breathe it once, and then
perchance be
silent evermore. Josephine, in one brief breath I will
concentrate the
hopes, the doubts, the anxious fears of six weary months.
Josephine, I am
a British sailor, and I love you!
JOS. Sir, this audacity! (Aside.) Oh, my heart, my beating
heart!
(Aloud.) This unwarrantable presumption on the part of a common
sailor!
(Aside.) Common! oh, the irony of the word! (Crossing, aloud.)
Oh, sir,
you forget the disparity in our ranks.
RALPH. I forget nothing, haughty lady. I love you desperately,
my life
is in your hand--I lay it at your feet! Give me hope, and what I
lack in
education and polite accomplishments, that I will endeavour to
acquire.
Drive me to despair, and in death alone I shall look for
consolation. I
am proud and cannot stoop to implore. I have spoken and I wait
your word.
JOS. You shall not wait long. Your proffered love I haughtily
reject.
Go, sir, and learn to cast your eyes on some village maiden in
your own
poor rank--they should be lowered before your captain's daughter.

DUET--JOSEPHINE and RALPH

JOS. Refrain, audacious tar,
Your suit from pressing,
Remember what you are,
And whom addressing!
(Aside.) I'd laugh my rank to scorn
In union holy,
Were he more highly born
Or I more lowly!
RALPH. Proud lady, have your way,
Unfeeling beauty!
You speak and I obey,
It is my duty!
I am the lowliest tar
That sails the water,
And you, proud maiden, are
My captain's daughter!
(Aside.) My heart with anguish torn
Bows down before her,
She laughs my love to scorn,
Yet I adore her!

[Repeat refrain, ensemble, then exit JOSEPHINE into cabin.

RALPH. (Recit.) Can I survive this overbearing
Or live a life of mad despairing,
My proffered love despised, rejected?
No, no, it's not to be expected!
(Calling off.)
Messmates, ahoy!
Come here! Come here!

Enter SAILORS, HEBE, and RELATIVES

ALL. Aye, aye, my boy,
What cheer, what cheer?
Now tell us, pray,
Without delay,
What does she say--
What cheer, what cheer?

RALPH (to COUSIN HEBE). The maiden treats my suit with scorn,
Rejects my humble gift, my lady;
She says I am ignobly born,
And cuts my hopes adrift, my lady.
ALL. Oh, cruel one.

DICK. She spurns your suit? Oho! Oho!
I told you so, I told you so.

SAILORS and RELATIVES.
Shall { we } submit? Are { we } but slaves?
they they
Love comes alike to high and low--
Britannia's sailors rule the waves,
And shall they stoop to insult? No!

DICK. You must submit, you are but slaves;
A lady she! Oho! Oho!
You lowly toilers of the waves,
She spurns you all--I told you so!

RALPH. My friends, my leave of life I'm taking,
For oh, my heart, my heart is breaking.
When I am gone, oh, prithee tell
The maid that, as I died, I loved her well!

ALL (turning away, weeping). Of life, alas! his leave he's
taking,
For ah! his faithful heart is breaking;
When he is gone we'll surely tell
The maid that, as he died, he loved her well.

[During Chorus BOATSWAIN has loaded pistol, which he hands to
RALPH.

RALPH. Be warned, my messmates all
Who love in rank above you--
For Josephine I fall!

[Puts pistol to his head. All the sailors stop their
ears.

Enter JOSEPHINE on deck

JOS. Ah! stay your hand--I love you!
ALL. Ah! stay your hand--she loves you!
RALPH. (incredulously). Loves me?
JOS. Loves you!
ALL. Yes, yes--ah, yes,--she loves you!

ENSEMBLE

SAILORS and RELATIVES and JOSEPHINE

Oh joy, oh rapture unforeseen,
For now the sky is all serene;
The god of day--the orb of love--
Has hung his ensign high above,
The sky is all ablaze.

With wooing words and loving song,
We'll chase the lagging hours along,
And if {I find } the maiden coy,
we find
I'll } murmur forth decorous joy
We'll
In dreamy roundelays!

DICK DEADEYE

He thinks he's won his Josephine,
But though the sky is now serene,
A frowning thunderbolt above
May end their ill-assorted love
Which now is all ablaze.

Our captain, ere the day is gone,
Will be extremely down upon
The wicked men who art employ
To make his Josephine less coy
In many various ways. [Exit
DICK.

JOS. This very night,
HEBE. With bated breath
RALPH. And muffled oar--
JOS. Without a light,
HEBE. As still as death,
RALPH. We'll steal ashore
JOS. A clergyman
RALPH. Shall make us one
BOAT, At half-past ten,
JOS. And then we can
RALPH Return, for none
BOAT. Can part them then!
ALL. This very night, etc.

(DICK appears at hatchway.)

DICK. Forbear, nor carry out the scheme you've planned;
She is a lady--you a foremast hand!
Remember, she's your gallant captain's daughter,
And you the meanest slave that crawls the water!
ALL. Back, vermin, back,
Nor mock us!
Back, vermin, back,
You shock us!
[Exit DICK

Let's give three cheers for the sailor's bride
Who casts all thought of rank aside--
Who gives up home and fortune too
For the honest love of a sailor true!
For a British tar is a soaring soul
As free as a mountain bird!
His energetic fist should be ready to resist
A dictatorial word!
His foot should stamp and his throat should growl,
His hair should twirl and his face should scowl,
His eyes should flash and his breast protrude,
And this should be his customary attitude--(pose).

GENERAL DANCE

END OF ACT I

ACT II

Same Scene. Night. Awning removed. Moonlight. CAPTAIN
discovered
singing on poop deck, and accompanying himself on a
mandolin. LITTLE
BUTTERCUP seated on quarterdeck, gazing sentimentally at
him.

SONG--CAPTAIN

Fair moon, to thee I sing,
Bright regent of the heavens,
Say, why is everything
Either at sixes or at sevens?
I have lived hitherto
Free from breath of slander,
Beloved by all my crew--
A really popular commander.
But now my kindly crew rebel,
My daughter to a tar is partial,
Sir Joseph storms, and, sad to tell,
He threatens a court martial!
Fair moon, to thee I sing,
Bright regent of the heavens,
Say, why is everything
Either at sixes or at sevens?

BUT. How sweetly he carols forth his melody to the
unconscious
moon! Of whom is he thinking? Of some high-born beauty? It may
be! Who is
poor Little Buttercup that she should expect his glance to fall
on one so
lowly! And yet if he knew--if he only knew!
CAPT. (coming down). Ah! Little Buttercup, still on board?
That is
not quite right, little one. It would have been more respectable
to have
gone on shore at dusk.
BUT, True, dear Captain--but the recollection of your sad
pale
face seemed to chain me to the ship. I would fain see you smile
before I
go.
CAPT. Ah! Little Buttercup, I fear it will be long before I
recover my accustomed cheerfulness, for misfortunes crowd upon
me, and
all my old friends seem to have turned against me!
BUT, Oh no--do not say "all", dear Captain. That were
unjust to
one, at least.
CAPT. True, for you are staunch to me. (Aside.) If ever I
gave my
heart again, methinks it would be to such a one as this! (Aloud.)
I am
touched to the heart by your innocent regard for me, and were we
differently situated, I think I could have returned it. But as it
is, I
fear I can never be more to you than a friend.
BUT, I understand! You hold aloof from me because you are
rich and
lofty--and I poor and lowly. But take care! The poor bumboat
woman has
gipsy blood in her veins, and she can read destinies.
CAPT. Destinies?
BUT. There is a change in store for you!
CAPT. A change?
BUT. Aye--be prepared!

DUET--LITTLE BUTTERCUP and CAPTAIN

BUT, Things are seldom what they seem,
Skim milk masquerades as cream;
Highlows pass as patent leathers;
Jackdaws strut in peacock's feathers.
CAPT. (puzzled). Very true,
So they do.
BUT. Black sheep dwell in every fold;
All that glitters is not gold;
Storks turn out to be but logs;
Bulls are but inflated frogs.
CAPT. (puzzled). So they be,
Frequentlee.
BUT. Drops the wind and stops the mill;
Turbot is ambitious brill;
Gild the farthing if you will,
Yet it is a farthing still.
CAPT. (puzzled). Yes, I know.
That is so.
Though to catch your drift I'm striving,
It is shady--it is shady;
I don't see at what you're driving,
Mystic lady--mystic lady.
(Aside.) Stern conviction's o'er me stealing,
That the mystic lady's dealing
In oracular revealing.
BUT. (aside).Stern conviction's o'er him stealing,
That the mystic lady's dealing
In oracular revealing.
Yes, I know--
That is so!
CAPT. Though I'm anything but clever,
I could talk like that for ever:
Once a cat was killed by care;
Only brave deserve the fair.
Very true,
So they do.
CAPT. Wink is often good as nod;
Spoils the child who spares the rod;
Thirsty lambs run foxy dangers;
Dogs are found in many mangers.
BUT. Frequentlee,
I agree.
Paw of cat the chestnut snatches;
Worn-out garments show new patches;
Only count the chick that hatches;
Men are grown-up catchy-catchies.
BUT. Yes, I know,
That is so.
(Aside.) Though to catch my drift he's striving,
I'll dissemble--I'll dissemble;
When he sees at what I'm driving,
Let him tremble--let him tremble!

ENSEMBLE

Though a mystic tone { I } borrow,
you
You will } learn the truth with sorrow,
I shall
Here to-day and gone to-morrow;
Yes, I know--
That is so!
[At the end exit LITTLE BUTTERCUP
melodramatically.

CAPT. Incomprehensible as her utterances are, I nevertheless
feel that
they are dictated by a sincere regard for me. But to what new
misery is
she referring? Time alone can tell!

Enter SIR JOSEPH

SIR JOSEPH. Captain Corcoran, I am much disappointed with your
daughter. In fact, I don't think she will do.
CAPT. She won't do, Sir Joseph!
SIR JOSEPH. I'm afraid not. The fact is, that although I have
urged my
suit with as much eloquence as is consistent with an official
utterance,
I have done so hitherto without success. How do you account for
this?
CAPT. Really, Sir Joseph, I hardly know. Josephine is of course
sensible of your condescension.
SIR JOSEPH. She naturally would be.
CAPT. But perhaps your exalted rank dazzles her.
SIR JOSEPH. You think it does?
CAPT. I can hardly say; but she is a modest girl, and her
social
position is far below your own. It may be that she feels she is
not
worthy of you.
SIR JOSEPH. That is really a very sensible suggestion, and
displays
more knowledge of human nature than I had given you credit for.
CAPT. See, she comes. If your lordship would kindly reason with
her and
assure her officially that it is a standing rule at the Admiralty
that
love levels all ranks, her respect for an official utterance
might induce
her to look upon your offer in its proper light.
SIR JOSEPH. It is not unlikely. I will adopt your suggestion.
But soft,
she is here. Let us withdraw, and watch our opportunity.

Enter JOSEPHINE from cabin. FIRST LORD and CAPTAIN retire

SCENE--JOSEPHINE

The hours creep on apace,
My guilty heart is quaking!
Oh, that I might retrace
The step that I am taking!
Its folly it were easy to be showing,
What I am giving up and whither going.
On the one hand, papa's luxurious home,
Hung with ancestral armour and old brasses,
Carved oak and tapestry from distant Rome,
Rare "blue and white" Venetian finger-glasses,
Rich oriental rugs, luxurious sofa pillows,
And everything that isn't old, from Gillow's.
And on the other, a dark and dingy room,
In some back street with stuffy children crying,
Where organs yell, and clacking housewives fume,
And clothes are hanging out all day a-drying.
With one cracked looking-glass to see your face
in,
And dinner served up in a pudding basin!

A simple sailor, lowly born,
Unlettered and unknown,
Who toils for bread from early mom
Till half the night has flown!
No golden rank can he impart--
No wealth of house or land--
No fortune save his trusty heart
And honest brown right hand!
And yet he is so wondrous fair
That love for one so passing rare,
So peerless in his manly beauty,
Were little else than solemn duty!
Oh, god of love, and god of reason, say,
Which of you twain shall my poor heart obey!

SIR JOSEPH and CAPTAIN enter

SIR JOSEPH. Madam, it has been represented to me that you are
appalled
by my exalted rank. I desire to convey to you officially my
assurance,
that if your hesitation is attributable to that circumstance, it
is
uncalled for.
JOS. Oh! then your lordship is of opinion that married
happiness is not
inconsistent with discrepancy in rank?
SIR JOSEPH. I am officially of that opinion.
JOS. That the high and the lowly may be truly happy together,
provided
that they truly love one another?
SIR JOSEPH. Madam, I desire to convey to you officially my
opinion that
love is a platform upon which all ranks meet.
JOS. I thank you, Sir Joseph. I did hesitate, but I will
hesitate no
longer. (Aside.) He little thinks how eloquently he has pleaded
his
rival's cause!

TRIO

FIRST LORD, CAPTAIN, and JOSEPHINE

CAPT. Never mind the why and wherefore,
Love can level ranks, and therefore,
Though his lordship's station's mighty,
Though stupendous be his brain,
Though your tastes are mean and flighty
And your fortune poor and plain,
CAPT. and Ring the merry bells on board-ship,
SIR JOSEPH. Rend the air with warbling wild,
For the union of { his } lordship
my
With a humble captain's child!
CAPT. For a humble captain's daughter--
JOS. For a gallant captain's daughter--
SIR JOSEPH. And a lord who rules the water--
JOS. (aside). And a tar who ploughs the water!
ALL. Let the air with joy be laden,
Rend with songs the air above,
For the union of a maiden
With the man who owns her love!
SIR JOSEPH. Never mind the why and wherefore,
Love can level ranks, and therefore,
Though your nautical relation (alluding to CAPT.)
In my set could scarcely pass--
Though you occupy a station
In the lower middle class--
CAPT. and Ring the merry bells on board-ship,
SIR JOSEPH Rend the air with warbling wild,
For the union of { my } lordship
your
With a humble captain's child!
CAPT. For a humble captain's daughter--
JOS. For a gallant captain's daughter--
SIR JOSEPH. And a lord who rules the water--
JOS. (aside). And a tar who ploughs the water!
ALL. Let the air with joy be laden,
Rend with songs the air above,
For the union of a maiden
With the man who owns her love!

JOS. Never mind the why and wherefore,
Love can level ranks, and therefore
I admit the jurisdiction;
Ably have you played your part;
You have carried firm conviction
To my hesitating heart.
CAPT. and Ring the merry bells on board-ship,
SIR JOSEPH. Rend the air with warbling wild,
For the union of { my } lordship
his
With a humble captain's child!
CAPT. For a humble captain's daughter--
JOS. For a gallant captain's daughter--
SIR JOSEPH. And a lord who rules the water--
JOS. (aside). And a tar who ploughs the water!
(Aloud.) Let the air with joy be laden.
CAPT. and SIR JOSEPH. Ring the merry bells on board-ship--
JOS. For the union of a maiden--
CAPT. and SIR JOSEPH. For her union with his lordship.
ALL. Rend with songs the air above
For the man who owns her love!

[Exit JOS.
CAPT. Sir Joseph, I cannot express to you my delight at the
happy
result of your eloquence. Your argument was unanswerable.
SIR JOSEPH. Captain Corcoran, it is one of the happiest
characteristics
of this glorious country that official utterances are invariably
regarded
as unanswerable. [Exit SIR
JOSEPH.
CAPT. At last my fond hopes are to be crowned. My only daughter
is to
be the bride of a Cabinet Minister. The prospect is Elysian.
(During this
speech DICK DEADEYE has entered.)
DICK. Captain.
CAPT. Deadeye! You here? Don't! (Recoiling from him.)
DICK. Ah, don't shrink from me, Captain. I'm unpleasant to look
at, and
my name's agin me, but I ain't as bad as I seem.
CAPT. What would you with me?
DICK (mysteriously). I'm come to give you warning.
CAPT. Indeed! do you propose to leave the Navy then?
DICK. No, no, you misunderstand me; listen!

DUET
CAPTAIN and DICK DEADEYE

DICK. Kind Captain, I've important information,
Sing hey, the kind commander that you are,
About a certain intimate relation,
Sing hey, the merry maiden and the tar.
BOTH. The merry maiden and the tar.

CAPT. Good fellow, in conundrums you are speaking,
Sing hey, the mystic sailor that you are;
The answer to them vainly I am seeking;
Sing hey, the merry maiden and the tar.
BOTH The merry maiden and the tar.

DICK. Kind Captain, your young lady is a-sighing,
Sing hey, the simple captain that you are,
This very might with Rackstraw to be flying;
Sing hey, the merry maiden and the tar.
BOTH. The merry maiden and the tar.

CAPT. Good fellow, you have given timely warning,
Sing hey, the thoughtful sailor that you are,
I'll talk to Master Rackstraw in the morning:
Sing hey, the cat-o'-nine-tails and the tar.
(Producing a
"cat".)

BOTH. The merry cat-o'-nine-tails and the tar!

CAPT. Dick Deadeye--I thank you for your warning--I will at
once take
means to arrest their flight. This boat cloak will afford me
ample
disguise--So! (Envelops himself in a mysterious cloak, holding it
before
his face.)
DICK. Ha, ha! They are foiled--foiled--foiled!

Enter Crew on tiptoe, with RALPH and BOATSWAIN meeting
JOSEPHINE, who
enters from cabin on tiptoe, with bundle of necessaries, and
accompanied by LITTLE BUTTERCUP.

ENSEMBLE

Carefully on tiptoe stealing,
Breathing gently as we may,
Every step with caution feeling,
We will softly steal away.

(CAPTAIN stamps)--Chord.