The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan

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King: Oh, the skies are blue above,
And the earth is red and rosal,
Now the lady of my love
Has accepted my proposal!
For that asinorum pons
I have crossed without assistance,
And of prudish paragons
One, at least, is in existence!

(King and Lady Sophy dance gracefully. While this is going on Lord
Dramaleigh enters unobserved with Nekaya and Capt.
Fitzbattleaxe. The
two girls direct Zara's attention to the King and Lady Sophy,
who
are still dancing affectionately together. At this point the
King kisses Lady Sophy, which causes the Princesses to make an
exclamation. The King and Lady Sophy are at first much
confused at
being detected, but eventually throw off all reserve, and the
four couples break into a wild Tarantella, and at the end
exeunt
severally.)

Enter all the male Chorus, in great excitement, for various
entrances,
led by Scaphio, Phantis, and Tarara, and followed by the
female
Chorus.

CHORUS.

Upon our sea-girt land
At our enforced command
Reform has laid her hand
Like some remorseless ogress--
And made us darkly rue
The deeds she dared to do--
And all is owing to
Those hated Flowers of Progress!

So down with them!
So down with them!
Reform's a hated ogress.
So down with them!
So down with them!
Down with the Flowers of Progress!

(Flourish. Enter King, his three daughters, Lady Sophy, and the
Flowers
of Progress.)

King: What means this most unmannerly irruption?
Is this your gratitude for boons conferred?

Scaphio: Boons? Bah! A fico for such boons, say we!
These boons have brought Utopia to a standstill!
Our pride and boast--the Army and the Navy--
Have both been reconstructed and remodeled
Upon so irresistible a basis
That all the neighboring nations have disarmed--
And War's impossible! Your County Councillor
Has passed such drastic Sanitary laws
That all doctors dwindle, starve, and die!
The laws, remodeled by Sir Bailey Barre,
Have quite extinguished crime and litigation:
The lawyers starve, and all the jails are let
As model lodgings for the working-classes!
In short--Utopia, swamped by dull Prosperity,
Demands that these detested Flowers of Progress
Be sent about their business, and affairs
Restored to their original complexion!

King: (to Zara) My daughter, this is a very unpleasant state
of
things. What is to be done?

Zara: I don't know--I don't understand it. We must have
omitted
something.

King: Omitted something? Yes, that's all very well, but---
(Sir
Bailey Barre whispers to Zara.)

Zara: (suddenly) Of course! Now I remember! Why, I had
forgot-
ten the most essential element of all!

King: And that is?---

Zara: Government by Party! Introduce that great and glorious
element--at once the bulwark and foundation of England's
greatness--and all will be well! No political measures
will
endure, because one Party will assuredly undo all that
the
other Party has done; and while grouse is to be shot, and
foxes worried to death, the legislative action of the
coun-
try will be at a standstill. Then there will be sickness
in
plenty, endless lawsuits, crowded jails, interminable
confu-
sion in the Army and Navy, and, in short, general and
unex-
ampled prosperity!

All: Ulahlica! Ulahlica!

Phantis: (aside) Baffled!

Scaphio: But an hour will come!

King: Your hour has come already--away with them, and let them
wait my will! (Scaphio and Phantis are led off in
custody.)
From this moment Government by Party is adopted, with all
its attendant blessings; and henceforward Utopia will no
longer be a Monarchy Limited, but, what is a great deal
better, a Limited Monarchy!

FINALE

Zara: There's a little group of isles beyond the wave--
So tiny, you might almost wonder where it is--
That nation is the bravest of the brave,
And cowards are the rarest of all rarities.
The proudest nations kneel at her command;
She terrifies all foreign-born rapscallions;
And holds the peace of Europe in her hand
With half a score invincible battalions!

Such, at least, is the tale
Which is born on the gale,
From the island which dwells in the sea.
Let us hope, for her sake
That she makes no mistake--
That she's all the professes to be!

King: Oh, may we copy all her maxims wise,
And imitate her virtues and her charities;
And may we, by degrees, acclimatize
Her Parliamentary peculiarities!
By doing so, we shall in course of time,
Regenerate completely our entire land--
Great Britain is the monarchy sublime,
To which some add (others do not) Ireland.
Such at least is the tale, etc.

CURTAIN.

THE YEOMEN OF THE GUARD

or

The Merryman and His Maid

Book by
W.S. GILBERT

Music by
ARTHUR SULLIVAN

First produced at the Savoy Theatre in London, England,
on October 3, 1888.

THE YEOMEN OF THE GUARD
DRAMATIS PERSONAE

SIR RICHARD CHOLMONDELEY [pronounced Chum'lee]
(Lieutenant of the Tower) Baritone

COLONEL FAIRFAX (under sentence of death) Tenor

SERGEANT MERYLL (of the Yeomen of the Guard) Bass/Baritone

LEONARD MERYLL (his son) Tenor

JACK POINT (a Strolling Jester) Light Baritone

WILFRED SHADBOLT
(Head Jailer and Assistant Tormentor) Bass/Baritone

THE HEADSMAN Non-singing

FIRST YEOMAN Baritone

SECOND YEOMAN Tenor

THIRD YEOMAN [optional] Baritone

FOURTH YEOMAN [optional] Tenor

FIRST CITIZEN Chorus

SECOND CITIZEN Chorus

ELSIE MAYNARD (a Strolling Singer) Soprano

PHOEBE MERYLL (Sergeant Meryll's Daughter) Mezzo-Soprano

DAME CARRUTHERS (Housekeeper to the Tower) Contralto

KATE (her Niece) Soprano

Chorus of YEOMEN of the Guard, GENTLEMEN, CITIZENS, etc.

SCENE: Tower Green

16th Century

ACT I

[Scene.-- Tower Green]

[Phoebe discovered spinning.

No. 1. When maiden loves, she sits and sighs
(INTRODUCTION and SONG)
Phoebe

PHOEBE When maiden loves, she sits and sighs,
She wanders to and fro;
Unbidden tear-drops fill her eyes,
And to all questions she replies,
With a sad "Heigh-ho!"

'Tis but a little word--"Heigh-ho!"
So soft, 'tis scarcely heard--"Heigh-ho!"
An idle breath--
Yet life and death
May hang upon a maid's "Heigh-ho!"

When maiden loves, she mopes apart,
As owl mopes on a tree;
Although she keenly feels the smart,
She cannot tell what ails her heart,
With its sad "Ah, me!"

'Tis but a foolish sigh--"Ah, me!"
Born but to droop and die--"Ah, me!"
Yet all the sense
Of eloquence
Lies hidden in a maid's "Ah, me!"

Yet all the sense
Of eloquence
Lies hidden in a maid's "Ah, me!"
"Ah, me!", "Ah, me!"

Yet all the sense
Of eloquence
Lies hidden in a maid's "Ah, me!"

[PHOEBE weeps

[Enter WILFRED

WILFRED Mistress Meryll!

PHOEBE [looking up] Eh! Oh! it's you, is it? You may go
away,if you like. Because I don't want you, you know.

WILFRED Haven't you anything to say to me?

PHOEBE Oh yes! Are the birds all caged? The wild beasts all
littered down? All the locks, chains, bolts, and bars
in good order? Is the Little Ease sufficiently
comfortable? The racks, pincers, and thumbscrews all
ready for work? Ugh! you brute!

WILFRED These allusions to my professional duties are in
doubtful taste. I didn't become a head-jailer because
I like head-jailing. I didn't become an assistant-
tormentor because I like assistant-tormenting. We
can't all be sorcerers, you know. [PHOEBE is annoyed]
Ah! you brought that upon yourself.

PHOEBE Colonel Fairfax is not a sorcerer. He's a man of
science and an alchemist.

WILFRED Well, whatever he is, he won't be one for long, for
he's to be beheaded to-day for dealings with the
devil. His master nearly had him last night, when the
fire broke out in the Beauchamp [pronounced Bee'cham]
Tower.

PHOEBE Oh! how I wish he had escaped in the confusion! But
take care; there's still time for a reply to his
petition for mercy.

WILFRED Ah! I'm content to chance that. This evening at half-
past seven-- ah! [Gesture of chopping off a head.]

PHOEBE You're a cruel monster to speak so unfeelingly of the
death of a young and handsome soldier.

WILFRED Young and handsome! How do you know he's young and
handsome?

PHOEBE Because I've seen him every day for weeks past taking
his exercise on the Beauchamp [pronounced Bee'cham]
Tower.

WILFRED Curse him!

PHOEBE There, I believe you're jealous of him, now. Jealous
of a man I've never spoken to! Jealous of a poor soul
who's to die in an hour!

WILFRED I am! I'm jealous of everybody and everything. I'm
jealous of the very words I speak to you-- because they
reach your ears-- and I mustn't go near 'em!

PHOEBE How unjust you are! Jealous of the words you speak to
me! Why, you know as well as I do that I don't even
like them.

WILFRED You used to like 'em.

PHOEBE I used to pretend I like them. It was mere politeness
to comparative strangers.

[Exit PHOEBE, with spinning wheel

WILFRED I don't believe you know what jealousy is! I don't
believe you know how it eats into a man's heart-- and
disorders his digestion-- and turns his interior into
boiling lead. Oh, you are a heartless jade to trifle
with the delicate organization of the human interior.

No. 1A. When jealous torments
(OPTIONAL SONG)
Wilfred

WILFRED When jealous torments rack my soul,
My agonies I can't control,
Oh, better sit on red hot coal
Than love a heartless jade.

The red hot coal will hurt no doubt,
But red hot coals in time die out,
But jealousy you can not rout,
Its fires will never fade.

It's much less painful on the whole
To go and sit on red hot coal
'Til you're completely flayed,
Or ask a kindly friend to crack
Your wretched bones upon the rack
Than love a heartless jade,
Than love a heartless jade.

The kerchief on your neck of snow
I look on as a deadly foe,
It goeth where I dare not go
And stops there all day long.

The belt that holds you in its grasp
Is to my peace of mind a rasp,
It claspeth what I can not clasp,
Correct me if I'm wrong.

It's much less painful on the whole
To go and sit on red hot coal
'Til you're completely flayed,
Or ask a kindly friend to crack
Your wretched bones upon the rack
Than love a heartless jade,
Than love a heartless jade.

The bird that breakfasts on your lip,
I would I had him in my grip,
He sippeth where I dare not sip,
I can't get over that.

The cat you fondle soft and sly,
He layeth where I dare not lie.
We're not on terms, that cat and I.
I do not like that cat.

It's much less painful on the whole
To go and sit on red hot coal
'Til you're completely flayed,
Or ask a kindly friend to crack
Your wretched bones upon the rack
Than love a heartless jade,
Than love a heartless jade.

Or ask a kindly friend to crack
Your wretched bones upon the rack
Than love a heartless jade.

[Exit WILFRED. Enter people excitedly, followed by YEOMEN
of the Guard with SERGEANT MERYLL at rear.

No. 2. Tower warders, Under orders
(Double Chorus)
CROWD and YEOMEN, with Solo 2ND YEOMEN

CROWD Tower warders,
Under orders,
Gallant pikemen, valiant sworders!
Brave in bearing,
Foemen scaring,
In their bygone days of daring!
Ne'er a stranger
There to danger--
Each was o'er the world a ranger;
To the story
Of our glory
Each a bold, a bold contributory!

YEOMEN In the autumn of our life,
Here at rest in ample clover,
We rejoice in telling over
Our impetuous May and June.
In the evening of our day,
With the sun of life declining,
We recall without repining
All the heat of bygone noon,
We recall without repining
All the heat,
We recall, recall
All of bygone noon.

2ND YEOMAN This the autumn of our life,
This the evening of our day;
Weary we of battle strife,
Weary we of mortal fray.
But our year is not so spent,
And our days are not so faded,
But that we with one consent,
Were our loved land invaded,
Still would face a foreign foe,
As in days of long ago,
Still would face a foreign foe,
As in days of long ago,
As in days of long ago,
As in days of long ago.

YEOMEN Still would face a foreign foe,
As in days of long ago.

CROWD Tower warders,
Under orders,
Gallant pikemen, valiant sworders!
Brave in bearing, Foemen scaring,
In their bygone days of daring!

CROWD YEOMEN

Tower warders, This the autumn of our life
Under orders,
Gallant pikemen,
Valiant sworders
Brave in bearing, This the evening of our day;
Foemen scaring,
In their bygone days of daring!

Ne'er a stranger Weary we of battle strife,
There to danger
Each was o'er the world a ranger:

To the story Weary we of mortal fray.
Of our glory
Each a bold,
A bold contributory.

To the story This the autumn of our life.
Of our glory
Each a bold contributory! This the evening of our day,
Each a bold contributory! This the evening of our day.

[Exit CROWD. Manent YEOMEN. Enter DAME CARRUTHERS.

DAME A good day to you!

2ND
YEOMAN Good day, Dame Carruthers. Busy to-day?

DAME Busy, aye! the fire in the Beauchamp [pronounced
Bee'cham] last night has given me work enough. A dozen
poor prisoners-- Richard Colfax, Sir Martin Byfleet,
Colonel Fairfax, Warren the preacher-poet, and half-a-
score others-- all packed into one small cell, not six
feet square. Poor Colonel Fairfax, who's to die to-
day, is to be removed to no. 14 in the Cold Harbour
that he may have his last hour alone with his
confessor; and I've to see to that.

2ND
YEOMAN Poor gentleman! He'll die bravely. I fought under him
two years since, and he valued his life as it were a
feather!

PHOEBE He's the bravest, the handsomest, and the best young
gentleman in England! He twice saved my father's life;
and it's a cruel thing, a wicked thing, and a
barbarous thing that so gallant a hero should lose his
head-- for it's the handsomest head in England!

DAME For dealings with the devil. Aye! if all were beheaded
who dealt with him, there'd be busy things on Tower
Green.

PHOEBE You know very well that Colonel Fairfax is a student
of alchemy-- nothing more, and nothing less; but this
wicked Tower, like a cruel giant in a fairy-tale, must
be fed with blood, and that blood must be the best and
bravest in England, or it's not good enough for the
old Blunderbore. Ugh!

DAME Silence, you silly girl; you know not what you say. I
was born in the old keep, and I've grown grey in it,
and, please God, I shall die and be buried in it; and
there's not a stone in its walls that is not as dear
tome as my right hand.

No. 3. When our gallant Norman foes
(SONG WITH CHORUS)
Dame Carruthers and Yeomen

DAME When our gallant Norman foes
Made our merry land their own,
And the Saxons from the Conqueror were flying,

At his bidding it arose,
In its panoply of stone,
A sentinel unliving and undying.

Insensible, I trow,
As a sentinel should be,
Though a queen to save her head should
come a-suing,
There's a legend on its brow
That is eloquent to me,
And it tells of duty done and duty doing.

The screw may twist and the rack may turn,
And men may bleed and men may burn,
O'er London town and its golden hoard
I keep my silent watch and ward!

CHORUS The screw may twist and the rack may turn,
O'er London town and all its hoard,
And men may bleed and men may burn,
O'er London town and all its hoard,
O'er London town and its golden hoard
I keep my silent watch and ward!

DAME Within its wall of rock
The flower of the brave
Have perished with a constancy unshaken.
From the dungeon to the block,
From the scaffold to the grave,
Is a journey many gallant hearts have taken.

And the wicked flames may hiss
Round the heroes who have fought
For conscience and for home in all its beauty,
But the grim old fortalice
Takes little heed of aught
That comes not in the measure of its duty.

The screw may twist and the rack may turn,
And men may bleed and men may burn,
O'er London town and its golden hoard
I keep my silent watch and ward!

CHORUS The screw may twist and the rack may turn,
O'er London town and all its hoard,
And men may bleed and men may burn,
O'er London town and all its hoard,
O'er London town and its golden hoard
I keep my silent watch and ward!

[Exeunt all but PHOEBE. Enter SERGEANT MERYLL.

PHOEBE Father! Has no reprieve arrived for the poor
gentleman?

MERYLL No, my lass; but there's one hope yet. Thy brother
Leonard, who, as a reward for his valour in saving his
standard and cutting his way through fifty foes who
would have hanged him, has been appointed a Yeoman of
the Guard, will arrive to-day; and as he comes
straight from Windsor, where the Court is, it may be--
it may be-- that he will bring the expected reprieve
with him.

PHOEBE Oh, that he may!

MERYLL Amen to that! For the Colonel twice saved my life, and
I'd give the rest of my life to save his! And wilt
thou not be glad to welcome thy brave brother, with
the fame of whose exploits all England is a-ringing?

PHOEBE Aye, truly, if he brings the reprieve.

MERYLL And not otherwise?

PHOEBE Well, he's a brave fellow indeed, and I love brave
men.

MERYLL All brave men?

PHOEBE Most of them, I verily believe! But I hope Leonard
will not be too strict with me-- they say he is a very
dragon of virtue and circumspection! Now, my dear old
father is kindness itself, and----

MERYLL And leaves thee pretty well to thine own ways, eh?
Well, I've no fears for thee; thou hast a feather-
brain, but thou'rt a good lass.

PHOEBE Yes, that's all very well, but if Leonard is going to
tell me that I may not do this and I may not do that,
and I must not talk to this one, or walk with that
one, but go through the world with my lips pursed up
and my eyes cats down, like a poor nun who has
renounced mankind-- why, as I have not renounced
mankind, and don't mean to renounce mankind, I won't
have it-- there!

MERYLL Nay, he'll not check thee more than is good for thee,
Phoebe! He's a brave fellow, and bravest among brave
fellows, and yet it seems but yesterday that he robbed
the Lieutenant's orchard.

No. 3A. A laughing boy
(OPTIONAL SONG)
Sergeant Meryll

MERYLL A laughing boy but yesterday,
A merry urchin blithe and gay,
Whose joyous shout came ringing out
Unchecked by care or sorrow.

Today a warrior all sunbrown,
When deeds of soldierly renown
Are not the boast of London town,
A veteran tomorrow, today a warrior,
A veteran tomorrow!

When at my Leonard's deeds sublime,
A soldier's pulse beats double time,
And grave hearts thrill as brave hearts will
At tales of martial glory.

I burn with flush of pride and joy,
A pride unbittered by alloy,
To find my boy, my darling boy,
The theme of song and story,
To find my darling boy
The theme of song and story!
To find my boy, my darling boy,
The theme of song and story!

[Enter LEONARD MERYLL

LEONARD Father!